Saturday, October 4, 2014

Brandon arrives - Weekend Writing Warriors / #8sunday / 10/05/14

Hi! Welcome to another Weekend Writing Warrior round. Every week writers post 8 sentences on their blogs from a published or unpublished book. Then we "hop" around and leave comments on each other's snippets. Whether our work is already published or in progress, the helpful comments help us become stronger writers on our next WIP. We welcome EVERYONE's comments.

See more at the WeWriWa blog

Welcome to a snippet from Within the Law. The protagonist, Tom Hughes, was created in His Lucky Charm (formerly called Forgotten). Tom is cousin (& step brother) to the female main character in HLC. I fell in love with Tom, I think he might be my favorite hero from all of my books. His character and his history was so compelling that I HAD to write his story, one in which he has his own HEA.

Alli stays by Tom's side in the waiting room. Finally the doctor comes out to talk to them. A baby girl was born, because she's a preemie she's taken to NICU, but she is otherwise in good health. The doctors are still working to save Caitlyn. Brandon gets there and is told he's a father and that Cat is still in critical condition.


Brandon spread his arms out, “what happened?”
“The entire thing, it’s my fault,” Tom explained everything that occurred. “I am so sorry, I never meant for Cat to get hurt.”
Brandon didn’t respond to Tom’s apology, “I have to see my wife...”
Alli left and returned with a nurse; the nurse offered to take Brandon in to see Caitlyn.
When Brandon came back, it was obvious he was choked up as he walked up to Tom and hugged him, “she’s not out of the woods yet, but they’re optimistic.”
Tom felt the fear drain out of him,“thank God.”
Brandon stepped back and caught his breath, “Tom, I need you to leave, go see your niece and then leave, please.”



 For more WeWriWa snippets, go to www.wewriwa.com


Tom gave up on ever falling in love again the day that he buried his high school sweetheart and fiancé. He started a career in law enforcement just so that he could find her murderer and rapist. Just when he is about to see justice done, he meets Alli Davis-the defense attorney for the murdering rapist who took his love from him.
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The other week Teresa Cypher posted about the FIRST PAGE REVIEW Blog Hop, a chance to post up to the first 1000 words of a novel or WIP and ask readers IF it's enticing enough to want to keep reading; honestly it is another terrific learning experience to be able to find out what works and what doesn't.  I posted the beginning of my (already published) novel A CHAUNCE OF RICHES (probably the next book I will feature snippets from in the WeWriWa hop).  I see a few other great authors have also posted their beginnings.  Please visit the complete list HERE or join us yourself with (up-to) 100 words from your work.

First Page Review

13 comments:

tamaraphilipwrites said...

poor Brandon and Tom, its such an emotional situation. and Brandon is trying so hard to keep it together.

Lauren Shiro said...

Good 8, Chelle!The emotion is palpable. Very real. Well done! :)

tinachristopherauthor.com said...

Strong emotion jumping off the page. Great 8!

tinachristopherauthor.com said...

Strong emotion jumping off the page. Great 8!

Teresa Cypher said...

What a terrible situation. Poor Tom, but I'm so glad she's okay and the baby's fine. :-)

Meka James said...

Wow...that's just sad. Brandon asking him to leave. I mean I guess I can understand, his wife and child were put at risk albeit by accident, he still is looking for someone to blame. Tom is that unlucky someone. :( great 8

Veronica Scott said...

Poor Tom. I can see why Brandon wouldn't want him there right now! Such a sad and tangled situation...but really well written! you've certainly got me involved! Great (if poignant) eight...

Author, Neva Rodriguez said...

Wow, I actually feel bad for Tom. I am getting really into this story and want to read more. Great job Chelle. I'm going to have to sign up for that first 1000 word set, that sounds really interesting. Thanks for sharing.

Elsa Holland said...

Nice 8. You can feel the turmoil in the emotions, makes you want to read on.

caitlinsternwrites said...

It's not his fault, it's that psychopath's fault! But I can see why he'd blame himself...

Chelle Cordero said...

Tom feels guilty, Brandon is seriously concerned, and Alli does her best to comfort Tom.
...but hang on, it gets worse.

Charmaine Gordon said...

The last sentence from Brandon is a heart breaker. What a mixed up tale of love, loss, death and now danger. Beautiful writing, Chelle.

Millie Burns said...

Oh boy, there's enough guilt here to bury this guy.