Saturday, May 21, 2016

A restless night ~ Weekend Writing Warriors / #8sunday / 05/22/16

Hi! Welcome to another Weekend Writing Warrior and Snippet Sunday round. Every week writers post 8-to-10 sentences on their blogs from a published or unpublished book. Then we "hop" around and leave comments on each other's snippets. Whether our work is already published or in progress, the helpful comments help us become stronger writers on our next WIP. We welcome EVERYONE's comments.

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A long, long time ago I shared a few snippets from my Paranormal Romantic Suspense, Karma Visited (only 5) - and we didn't get a full taste of this story. Since I am working on a sequel and revisiting the story for myself, I'm sharing more with you and soaking up your comments.

Do you believe in karma? Annie Furman has a gift that allows her, while she sleeps, to visit people in their time of need - but who will be there for her when she needs help? Undersheriff Dave Turner is investigating a series of home invasions and homicides. He has no idea that solving this case will lead him to the woman of his dreams.

Dave spent a restless night wondering about the mystery woman from the accident scene.

Creative editing alert!  Here are ten lines... 


The sun had long ago come up and Dave was trying very hard to ignore it; it had been a long time since he thought he saw folks that weren’t really there, of course that had been when he was married to Rose and comforting himself now and then with a bottle.
Finally the clock alarm sounded and he couldn’t ignore the need to get out of bed anymore, he had barely gotten his feet onto the floor when the cat started meowing loudly and demanding his breakfast. 
“You’ll wait. I’ve got to take a leak,” he closed the door on the protesting cat.
When he came out, the cat wrapped himself around Dave’s feet, “damn it Mauszer, give me a chance, I’ll feed you in a moment.”
He took the cat’s bowl and opened a can of food, “here are your meager rations to get you through your hard life, just let me know when you’re ready to call the ASPCA and I’ll dial it for you.” As he knelt to put the food down, he patted the head of the fat orange tabby that came with the house, he never was as angry with the feline as he pretended to be, at least the cat kept him from coming home to an empty house every night.
He set a pot of water on the stove to boil and went to the front door for the morning paper.; great, he thought, the accident was on the front page, maybe the reporter caught a picture of the mystery woman? Dave spread the paper on the table and was disappointed, the reporter must have taken the photo from the wrong angle, Dave didn’t see her. He really needed to know that she was really there and not some figment of his imagination.

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For more WeWriWa Snippets, go to: 


My life changed after I died.
It’s not like I had any special powers.
They just didn’t understand me.
They underestimated me.
I had a gift.

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21 comments:

Gayle Ramage said...

Great snippet. Loving the inclusion of the cat. :)

Teresa Cypher said...

Excellent job of adding intrigue to the story, Chelle. A ghost tale. :-)

Kim Magennis said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kim Magennis said...

I am really enjoying all the different dynamics you have woven into this story, Chelle. His 'seeing things' is a nice touch... Just to push him into serious self doubt. Nicely done!

Cara Bristol said...

Nice snippet. I'm wondering if she'll be in the newspaper.

Aurora Springer said...

I love the cat's name and how he talks to it.

Christina Ochs said...

Haha, I have similar conversations with my cats! Hope he finds the mystery woman.

PT said...

I love that the cat came with the house. (Maybe he should ask the cat about the mystery woman.)

Ed Hoornaert said...

Effing Feline approves the inclusion of a cat.

Charmaine Gordon said...

The cat hits the spot. Love the story.

Karen Michelle Nutt said...

Great imagery of him and his cat while he hashes over if he saw a ghost or not. I'm intrigued.

Rachel Barnard said...

I think you could cut this out, "he never was as angry with the feline as he pretended to be" since you show it quite well in the preceding sentence.

The sentence, "Dave spread the paper on the table and was disappointed,the reporter must have taken the photo from the wrong angle, Dave didn’t see her." Could be tightened to show his disappointment or show him searching through the newspaper for the specific person. My editor is always telling me that "was" and then a feeling could be shown most of the time through the writing (if that makes sense).

I love your cat's name!

Veronica Scott said...

So true to life about the cat! Really reminded me of mine. I enjoyed the way you're making him real to us with all the details - great snippet.

Elizabeth Alsobrooks said...

Love the interaction with the cat...and his ability to see ghosts!

Elaine Cantrell said...

Everything is better with a cat!

Caitlin Stern said...

I have mornings fending off hungry cats, too. At least he only has one, the difficulty increases exponentially! But the company is nice.

The Belle in Blue said...

His interaction with his cat makes me love him. Great snippet!

~Joyce Scarbrough

Daelyn Morgana said...

Poor guy. He sounds quite rattled and distressed from believing he saw this mystery woman. I love the tabby cat's role, coming home to at least the cat instead of an empty house hits home for his state of mind, same with the comforting himself with a bottle reference. Well done on portraying past and present on this one.

Iris B said...

Interesting snippet, the interaction with the cat tells a lot about him ... and I like the little intrigue at the end.

Gem Sivad said...

He's keeping his calm though I think inside he's beginning to question his own mental state. Great set-up.

Linda said...

He seems to be having a hard time too. I guess it's good he is going to look for her, they might help each other.