SAGE WORDS

 

One of the best pieces of advice my late sister ever gave me was “Don’t expect everybody to be you.” My sister was a psychologist and interestingly we were both raised by a former Social Worker, so there was always a lot of advice going around.

 

Our parents raised us with a strong value system and they both believed in the “Golden Rule” – don’t treat others as they may have treated you, treat them as “you would want to be treated”. My sister reinforced that upbringing by reminding me that life was not always Tit-for-Tat, sometimes behavior would be disappointing, but ONLY disappointing if you expected folks to respond/react the way YOU would.

 

In our family at this time of sudden bereavement there have been discussions of “Oh we heard from so & so” or “She/he sent a beautiful card” or “What a beautiful Shiva basket!” (A “Shiva basket” is a way for friends to comfort and care for those who are mourning a loss) Of course, as all humans do, we also realize that we may not have heard from someone whom we had expected to.

 

My sister, Bobi, would explain that some folks cannot handle the idea of loss, either because of their own fears, or maybe they are also in a period of grief and cannot see beyond their own pain. If they have not offered words of comfort or even acknowledged your pain, they may not be able to as compared to not wanting to. Hence, “Don’t expect everybody to be you.”

 

This advice is solid and not just in times of grief. Someone may not react with delight over our accomplishments and joy, and we may feel that it dampens the mood. It is us that makes our own pleasure over happy times and, while it may be nice to receive the proverbial pat on the back, is it really vital? Would it make our own pride less or more? We know in our own hearts how we feel.

 

Sometimes someone we called a friend lets us down such as in the figurative stab-in-the-back. No, it isn’t right, but to react the same way because of disappointment lowers our own standards. While we need to protect ourselves and our loved ones from injury, emotional or physical, there is a level of being ourselves that we must maintain for we are the ones who need to live with ourselves and should not lower standards. True friends will stay by our sides, and those who are not true are not really vital to our day-to-day existence.

 

“Don’t expect everybody to be you.”

I thank my sister for teaching me that very important piece of advice.

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KARMA and LIFE

 

I try to make a habit of NEVER wishing harm on others, okay, I admit, sometimes that is hard, but…  Instead, I wish for everyone to get out of this world what they put into it — and yes, I guess that sometimes that means I am wishing them harm. I consider it KARMA, let G-d (or whatever higher power you may believe in) sort it out. Karma is associated with the idea of rebirth in many Indian religions, in our Western culture we generally refer to it as “Consequences”.

 

“Karma means action, work, or deed. The term also refers to the spiritual principle of cause and effect, often descriptively called the principle of karma, wherein intent and actions of an individual (cause) influence the future of that individual (effect): good intent and good deeds contribute to good karma and happier rebirths, while bad intent and bad deeds contribute to bad karma and bad rebirths.” en.wikipedia.org

 

I swear that I have seen Karma at work, sometimes it takes a while, but it does come back. I have personally seen someone make unfounded accusations of a crime against someone else and then had to sit by as his own son got arrested for theft; then there was another who was threatened with arrest himself when he tried to cover up his son’s crimes. I’ve heard of folks who treated family members with callousness only to find themselves lost when they lose their relationships. It’s seems to be true, when you live a life filled with venom and malice, it really does come back to bite you.  

 

I’ve tried to live my life by the Golden Rule, something my parents taught me, treat others as you yourself want to be treated. Now living a good and kind life does not prevent tears and pain in your own life, but I do believe a good life will help you find peace and comfort as you shoulder your burdens, and that is certainly far better than living with guilt, fear, and darkness. Living by the Golden Rule can literally make you feel good about yourself. Yes, it is still frustrating when you come across someone who does you dirty, but really you should feel sorry for the way they live their lives.

 

I just attended a portion of the Nobel Prize Summit: Our Planet, Our Future and listened to a comment the 14th Dalai Lama of Tibet made, (I am paraphrasing), “Stop thinking about Me, Me, Me… Instead think about HUMANITY. That’s the way to find true happiness.”

 

Think about others, be good to all — people (both family and strangers), nature, animals, and our earth. Share as you can and accept others whether or not they look like you or sound like you. Be better and be happier in your life. Help make this a better world.

Karma

Karma (car-ma) is a word meaning
the result of a person's actions as well as the actions themselves. It is a term about the cycle of cause and effect. According to the theory of Karma, what happens to a person, happens because they caused it with their actions.

So does Karma really exist?

On the one hand if bad things only happen to people who do bad things, then how come some good people experience bad things in their lives? On the other hand it seems to be a source of comfort to believe that evil isn’t rewarded but rather punished. And how evil is evil, is it merely a fleeting thought caused by anger or hurt, is it an accidental hurt you do to someone else, or is it a calculated and hurtful act without remorse?

In 1981 Rabbi Harold Kushner wrote When Bad Things Happen to Good People; the book was touted as “a source of solace and hope”. The good Rabbi helped to dispel the idea that people were being punished and had no control over the heartbreaking events that might happen to them. He spoke of religion and the reality that G-d was not omnipotent — indeed He made mankind to have free will, but He was not vengeful.

Whatever your personal belief is about Karma and living “The Golden Rule” it can be both comforting and frightening to think that every action you take will either come back to pat you on the back or to kick you in the arse! Certainly when someone seems to go out of their way to do you harm it is a comfort to think of that individual getting their so-called just desserts.

Personally I believe that I have seen Karma come into play many times. If I have been unfortunate enough to bear the brunt of someone’s harmful actions, I have honestly felt, and in my opinion actually seen, the individual receive payback. I truly don’t wish for anyone to suffer harm (okay, brief moments of anger… maybe), but one of my thoughts about everyone doing good or bad is “May you receive three times what you put into this world”. It may not happen instantly, but I’ve often felt the satisfaction (and belief) of seeing it happen.

As an author I get personal satisfaction when I write about a villain “getting his/hers”. In my novel Bartlett’sRule the villain dies in an ACCIDENT where the hero is involved, while he does try (unsuccessfully) to save the villain the hero feels no true remorse over the man’s death. A few readers questioned my tactics. The villain really was a terrible person who had caused irreparable harm to someone that the hero loved. It was suggested that maybe I should have just sent the villain to prison and then, much to my surprise, they spoke of the atrocities the villain might suffer in prison as payback! (My gosh some of the things…)

In Judaism (the faith I practice) every year on Yom Kippur we ask for forgiveness from those who we’ve wronged and we forgive those who have wronged us… ideally you should actually be repentant and gracious and you should try not to repeat your misdeeds. Whether it is because of your religious belief or just a case of good conscience, I kind of like a world where we own what we do and try to be better.

And you never know, maybe Karma is a real thing.