Saturday, September 21, 2013

9/22/13 WEWRIWA a community of writers and readers

Another foray into the WeWriWa meme...

Continuing with the theme of September being National Preparedness Month, I am including an excerpt from another of my EMS novels, HYPHEMA (I used creative punctuation to make this fit)

In this scene North Carolina paramedic Matt Garratti has responded with an S.O.D. team (Special Operations Division) to the scene of a town devastated by tornadoes. Matt and his partner Jay are attempting to search and rescue victims trapped in a collapsed church after a youth group event.

Jay was lowered first, Matt followed; he could hear muffled sobbing in the dark – that was a good sign. With flashlights on, they found their way to the first victim, a teenage girl was battered from the debris falling in on her, her right leg was fractured and the bone was protruding through the shin. He felt sorry for her, he knew that it hurt; splinting it the best he could in the confined space, she was soon ready to be lifted out. Next he moved on to a young boy, timber was lying across his chest and the boy couldn’t escape; Jay helped move the debris and the boy was free -except for deep scratches and bruises, he was well enough to crawl towards escape. Matt was thankful the boy’s injuries were minor.
They moved four of the seven trapped victims out without incident; two were dead in the carnage long before they got there. The last victim, the pastor, was pinned beneath a heavy metal beam, the kind that was strong enough to hold the floor under an exuberant congregation during services; the man, though weak, was conscious and praying for the souls of the two teens who had perished. He told Matt and Jay how much he appreciated their help.


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I hope you leave a comment below...
and then if you would like to read more of this scene, click here

16 comments:

Millie Burns said...

Sounds like a disastrous situation.

Sarah Ballance said...

What a terrible scene, and it brings to mind the real devastation so often in the headlines.

S. J. Maylee said...

What a terrible situation. Love how the priest is thinking about everyone around him, a real show of character.

Charmaine Gordon said...

Vivid description, Chelle. You pulled this reader into the devastation and rescue including the heroics of the responders.As Sarah said, it's breaking news almost every day but you know how to care for the wounded and that makes this so special. Thanks.

Emilie Poissenot (Aheila) said...

"he could hear muffled sobbing in the dark – that was a good sign"
This is a very nice way to put us in your character's choose and make us realize that what we would consider sad is actually a blessing, in this terrible situation.

Michelle Howard said...

Wow, powerful 8. The tension had me waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Chelle Cordero said...

Thank you all for your comments. I so admire the responders who can manage confined space and high-risk rescues.
If you would like to read more of this scene, I posted a non-WeWriWa post on 9/2: http://bit.ly/1afEfQz

It really means a lot to me to know that the words are having the effect I hoped for.

Susan Stuckey said...

Very tense snippet revealing the tension and danger braved by first-responders. Very nicely done.

Violet Bedford said...

Great job creating a vivid scene.

Jennifer Wilck said...

Very intense scene. Good job!

Evelyn Jules said...

The last paragraph with the pastor really touched me. Praying for the lost souls while he too is suffering. Nicely done.

Chelle Cordero said...

Thank you all for your comments. I posted from an already published work and worried that critiques might be in vain, however your comments are teaching me to see ALL of my characters with a lot more depth. And this is a lesson I will take with me as I work on my next WIP. Thanks so much.

Lynn Crain said...

Rescue situations are always harrowing at best. Nice snippet, I really feel as if I'm there. Thanks for sharing.

Teresa Cypher said...

Awe--the pastor, praying for the souls of the two teens... Nice snippet. Very visual. :-)

Cindy Amrhein said...

A very descriptive scene. I thought the pastor praying for those that died added to the realism. It's exactly what a priest would do.
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Karen Bynum said...

I'm from NC! <3 Great tension. Enjoyed your 8!