Jay
was lowered first, Matt followed; he could hear muffled sobbing in the dark –
that was a good sign. With flashlights on, they found their way to the first
victim, a teenage girl was battered from the debris falling in on her, her
right leg was fractured and the bone was protruding through the shin. He felt
sorry for her, he knew that it hurt; splinting it the best he could in the confined
space, she was soon ready to be lifted out. Next he moved on to a young boy,
timber was lying across his chest and the boy couldn’t escape; Jay helped move
the debris and the boy was free -except for deep scratches and bruises, he was
well enough to crawl towards escape. Matt was thankful the boy’s injuries were
minor.
They
moved four of the seven trapped victims out without incident; two were dead in
the carnage long before they got there. The last victim, the pastor, was pinned
beneath a heavy metal beam, the kind that was strong enough to hold the floor
under an exuberant congregation during services; the man, though weak, was
conscious and praying for the souls of the two teens who had perished. He told
Matt and Jay how much he appreciated their help.
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16 comments:
Sounds like a disastrous situation.
What a terrible scene, and it brings to mind the real devastation so often in the headlines.
What a terrible situation. Love how the priest is thinking about everyone around him, a real show of character.
Vivid description, Chelle. You pulled this reader into the devastation and rescue including the heroics of the responders.As Sarah said, it's breaking news almost every day but you know how to care for the wounded and that makes this so special. Thanks.
"he could hear muffled sobbing in the dark – that was a good sign"
This is a very nice way to put us in your character's choose and make us realize that what we would consider sad is actually a blessing, in this terrible situation.
Wow, powerful 8. The tension had me waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Thank you all for your comments. I so admire the responders who can manage confined space and high-risk rescues.
If you would like to read more of this scene, I posted a non-WeWriWa post on 9/2: http://bit.ly/1afEfQz
It really means a lot to me to know that the words are having the effect I hoped for.
Very tense snippet revealing the tension and danger braved by first-responders. Very nicely done.
Great job creating a vivid scene.
Very intense scene. Good job!
The last paragraph with the pastor really touched me. Praying for the lost souls while he too is suffering. Nicely done.
Thank you all for your comments. I posted from an already published work and worried that critiques might be in vain, however your comments are teaching me to see ALL of my characters with a lot more depth. And this is a lesson I will take with me as I work on my next WIP. Thanks so much.
Rescue situations are always harrowing at best. Nice snippet, I really feel as if I'm there. Thanks for sharing.
Awe--the pastor, praying for the souls of the two teens... Nice snippet. Very visual. :-)
A very descriptive scene. I thought the pastor praying for those that died added to the realism. It's exactly what a priest would do.
History Sleuth's Milk Carton Murders
I'm from NC! <3 Great tension. Enjoyed your 8!
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