Hi! Welcome to another Weekend Writing Warrior round. Every week writers post 8 sentences on their blogs from a published or unpublished book. Then we "hop" around and leave comments on each other's snippets. Whether our work is already published or in progress, the helpful comments help us become stronger writers on our next WIP. We welcome EVERYONE's comments.
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Welcome to a snippet from Courage of the Heart. Courage of the Heart was originally published by Xlibris in 1999 (BEFORE they went full vanity press) - with no real marketing efforts from the publisher and before I knew much about the subject, it didn't do very well. However it was revised slightly and republished by Vanilla Heart Publishing in 2009 and has enjoyed a healthier reception.
When we last read about Adam and Davie he was trying to apologize and Davie wasn't giving him much of an opportunity. He's persistent. She's stubborn. [creative punctuation has been used and I hope I counted correctly this week] :
"You
are a pompous…egotistical…self-serving…"
"Can I
help you fill in the blanks?" he was trying to get her to smile, Adam
really thought she was gorgeous when she smiled, especially when the smile was
for him; he was disappointed.
She let out
an exasperated sigh and sat down, "look, I've got exams at school all
week, I don't need this harassment"; Davie was aware that her voice had
risen and she had left the door open, "look Adam, I need this job, I can't
afford to file complaints if you won't leave me alone here…please, leave me
alone."
"Okay,
I screwed up again, I'll keep it out of the office," he sounded too
patronizing.
"That
doesn't mean you can show up at my door again," she thought she saw him
hiding a grin.
"How
about this weekend?"
"I have
plans, I'm going away."
Sometimes love is the only cure for the very deepest of emotional wounds. The story of the two lovers takes a series of unexpected and fast paced turns where lives, sanity and love are put in jeopardy. Their commitment to one another results in a spirit that binds them together and helps them to overcome physical and emotional dangers.
9 comments:
He is persistent! Fun dynamic between the two of them.
I can't tell if she's being serious or teasing him. Either way, he needs to take a hint. Good snippet!
This seems like an interesting snippet but frankly it's a bit hard for me to follow because there are so many commas instead of periods, and no capitals that normally begin a new sentence. I don't really think this shows what you're capable of as a writer, Chelle. I've read other snippets of yours that riveted me.
Quite the emotional conversation. I'd be totally exasperated by this guy at thus point! But I realize there's a lot more to the story so my interest is definitely piqued. Great 8!
Cat and mouse with no one winning--yet. I'm enjoying your story and snippy snippet. Thanks, Chelle.
He needs to back off a bit.
I really need to thank everyone for their comments - as I state at the beginning of the post, your comments on already published pieces help me in future writing. Based on many of the responses, I am seeing Adam in a totally different light than how I meant to write him; I thought he was being both insecure & persistent and since I know where it's heading, I thought that was okay. But if a reader gets to this point and views him as obnoxious then it is a turn-off. If we don't keep our readers wanting to turn the pages, it's a loss.
This is a great lesson for me as I am currently working on a new WIP (Annie's Karma) which continues the story between Annie & Dave from Karma Visited.
Sincerely, thank you for this insight.
I concur, he does come across as a bit of a jerk--too persistent by far!
Of course, I've seen 'heroes' before that made me think they needed a restraining order, to be committed to a mental institution, or jail time--that some readers quite adored. Everybody's different.
Yup, I'd be filing stalking charges against him. He's a creeper.
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