Hi! Welcome to another Weekend Writing Warrior round. Every week writers post 8 sentences on their blogs from a published or unpublished book. Then we "hop" around and leave comments on each other's snippets. Whether our work is already published or in progress, the helpful comments help us become stronger writers on our next WIP. We welcome EVERYONE's comments.
After a passionate night (and morning) Justin gets dressed to leave, as promised, before Dennis is brought home.
(the following has been edited to fit) ...and now the
"I'll be back in a few
hours and I'll drive Dennis to school," he carefully donned his clothing. He
kissed her and then was out the door, Layne stretched languidly and went back
to sleep.
He was thinking how great it
had been to wake up next to her as he trotted down the stairs and out the
building exit onto the still dark morning street; the blow came from behind and
knocked him to the ground.
Dazed, Justin tried to get up
when he was kicked in the side; the sharp, stabbing pain knocked the breath out
of him. Trying to block the blows, he realized there was more than one and he
couldn't fend off all the punches and kicks, he fought a valiant fight, but
there were three of them. He was struggling not to lose consciousness, a tight
band was being wound on his arm. Through a swollen eye he saw the needle and
felt the pinch as a hot fluid was squeezed into his vein.
"Keep your hands off what
doesn't belong to you."
He heard those words through
the fog that began to form in his head, they ran towards the
street. Justin used the last of his strength to try to stand, he needed to get
to Layne, he knew they were going after her; he fell and didn't get up again.
For more WeWriWa Snippets, go to:
About Common Bond, Tangled Hearts
Layne Gillette’s world is turned upside down when a man she has never met shows up to lay claim as the father of her 6-year old son.
Justin, the victim of a fraternity prank, and Layne, the subject of a forced insemination, have produced a beautiful child that they are both willing to protect… at all costs.
The two parents realize they can love each other, but when Layne’s abusive “ex-husband” shows up, they are torn apart by danger, kidnapping and lies. Justin won’t give up until Layne is returned to him. Layne uses her newfound strength, courage and knowledge to defy Charlie’s ugliest demands.
~~~~~~~~
16 comments:
What a wimp. He's going to let a mere three bullies, a beating, and injected drugs stop him?
Just kidding... ;-)
I know Ed, he should have just changed into his Superman costume... (sigh)
Oh my Chelle!
A very brutal scene done well!
Oh dear, they're both in so much trouble. This must be about the heir to the fortune. Great snippet, chelle. :)
Chelle, you are a killer when it comes to writing chaos and brutality. Terrific scene. What happens next?
Oh dear! But a great plot twist, had't expected them to come after him. Great excerpt (except OUCH for the poor guy).
Very vivid! Suggestion: Watch your punctuation. Some of these sentences need to be broken up for clarity(But then, of course, we wouldn't have gotten the whole delicious scene!). Nice job!
Oh my, I didn't see that coming! Great description.
Ouch--poor guy. Great scene! But why would they go after him? Don't they know that trying to scare off the hero never works?
Uh oh. This is what I was afraid of. Great excerpt.
That scene was intense and hard to read. Great job.
Oh, no! That's the bad thing about cowards--they often make sure they're sure to win. I worry about what they injected him with, and what they plan to do next!
Good piece of action-- you don't (and by extension, the reader doesn't) get bogged down in the details of the fight and instead gets to go along on the thrill ride and all it entails.
Oh my, beat hin, drug him, and leaving him for dead! What the hell did they drugged him with? At least Denis isn't around.
I'm another who didn't expect them to go after him. Would love to know what they injected him with.
I'm with near everyone else, I didn't see them going after him! I could have seen someone kidnapping Layne or hurting her as a warning, or maybe going after Dennis, but not against Justin. Didn't expect that, but now I'm really anxious to see where this is headed! Great snippet!
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