Saturday, June 18, 2016

Just a joke? ~ Weekend Writing Warriors / #8sunday / 06/19/16

Hi! Welcome to another Weekend Writing Warrior and Snippet Sunday round. Every week writers post 8-to-10 sentences on their blogs from a published or unpublished book. Then we "hop" around and leave comments on each other's snippets. Whether our work is already published or in progress, the helpful comments help us become stronger writers on our next WIP. We welcome EVERYONE's comments.

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A long, long time ago I shared a few snippets from my Paranormal Romantic Suspense, Karma Visited (only 5) - and we didn't get a full taste of this story. Since I am working on a sequel and revisiting the story for myself, I'm sharing more with you and soaking up your comments.

Do you believe in karma? Annie Furman has a gift that allows her, while she sleeps, to visit people in their time of need - but who will be there for her when she needs help? Undersheriff Dave Turner is investigating a series of home invasions and homicides. He has no idea that solving this case will lead him to the woman of his dreams.

Listening to a woman no one else seemed to hear or see, Dave directed his officers to where the kidnapped girl was being held. Dave noticed the victim looked directly at the apparition he saw, but she said nothing, and no one else could see the woman. Dave stays behind after the victim is transported to the hospital and the police leave with the remaining kidnapper. With no one else to witness him, Dave turns back to Annie... 

Creative editing alert!  Here are eight lines... 

“They were all just pretending that you weren’t here, this is some kind of joke, isn’t it?”
“No one can see me, only the people I come to help, I don’t know why you can see me.”
“Wait a minute,” he stared in silence as recognition dawned, “I saw you at that car accident.”
“I wasn’t there,” she paused and then whispered, “what happened to the children?”
“They lived, come back to the office with me, I need your statement.”
“I can’t, I’m dreaming... in my bed... at home.”
Dave’s facial expressions went from confusion to disbelief, “you’re standing right here.”
“I think I’m ready to wake up now,” then she was gone. 
 ~~~~~
For more WeWriWa Snippets, go to: 


My life changed after I died.
It’s not like I had any special powers.
They just didn’t understand me.
They underestimated me.
I had a gift.

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~~~~~

...and to all of the DADS out there

(& for single moms who do it all)




16 comments:

Ed Hoornaert said...

I'm hoping the next snippet isn't at a mental hospital, with the hero checking himself in.

Iris B said...

What a great dialogue ... I love her answers ... so true, but so unreal. Great snippet!

Elyzabeth M. VaLey said...

I love the dialogue! It makes me want to read more - what's his reaction going to be? Great snippet!

Cindy Amrhein said...

Excellent story premise!

Cara Bristol said...

Wow. Really good. Excellent choice of a snippet.

Marcia said...

LOL I agree with Ed! Good scene though, I think both characters are going to be a little mixed up. Good for the story!

Christina Ochs said...

Well if that doesn't blow his mind, I don't know what will!

Aurora Springer said...

What a stunner! She'll be upset too.

Veronica Scott said...

This is SUCH a cool story! I love that he can see her...can't wait for more, great snippet.

Caitlin Stern said...

I can see why he wants to believe this is an elaborate joke... but really, in those circumstances, the police/medics would not be joking around.

Elaine Cantrell said...

Poor David. I'm sure he's freaked out.

Jennifer Powell Reynolds said...

I can't wait to see the look on his face after that exit. :) :)

Elizabeth Alsobrooks said...

Wow, I love where this is going. I can't wait to see what happens next.

Rachel Barnard said...

I love how mysterious this is! Is she really dreaming in bed and did she travel somewhere in her dreams or is that dude seeing things?? Great snippet.

The Belle in Blue said...

This is really messing with my head, so I can only imagine how poor Dave feels! ;-)

~Joyce Scarbrough

P.T.Wyant said...

Poor Dave! I'm betting that he's thinking that he needs a loooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggg vacation!