Hi! Welcome to another Weekend Writing Warrior and Snippet Sunday round. Every week writers post 8-to-10 sentences on their blogs from a published or unpublished book. Then we "hop" around and leave comments on each other's snippets. Whether our work is already published or in progress, the helpful comments help us become stronger writers on our next WIP. We welcome EVERYONE's comments.
I'm sharing snippets from HYPHEMA, my second EMS novel. The hero in HYPHEMA was first introduced in Final Sin as the heroine's ambulance partner and best friend.
Matt Garratti, a paramedic from New York, moves his wife and son to North Carolina to work at his dream job as a flight medic. Pakistani born Sudah, his wife, receives frosty stares and insensitive comments from their new neighbors… Matt wonders if he is pursuing his dream or bringing his family into a nightmare from which they may never wake.
Matt has gone with his so-workers to play a game of paintball while the wives wait in the clubhouse and Sudah is worried that the game is too violent. (dinner plans are to follow). Most of the wives have no problem with Sudah except for Donna. (special note: the e-book came out the week before Bin Laden was found and killed) I've done LOTS of editing to fit this scene in!
Creative editing (a.k.a. condensed to fit) alert!
Trisha broke in, “Donna I don’t understand why you are being
so rude, I am so sorry Sudah.”
Donna faced Sudah menacingly, “my older cousin’s fiancé was
killed on 9/11…”
“Oh goodness Donna that was almost ten years ago, Sudah was
only a little girl back then.”
“I am very sorry for your loss, but we are very much alike
then, my father’s dear friend Jamaal also died on that terrible day,” said Sudah.
“On one of the planes I bet.”
“He was working in a restaurant in New York City, he loved
this country and was studying to become a citizen, he ran to the two buildings
after the first plane crashed, he was trying to help when the second plane
came, I remember when Jamaal’s wife was told her husband was dead.”
“And yet you cover your head like those Arab women who
cheered.”
“I cover my head because I am Muslim, it is a sign of respect
for my beliefs.”
“Muslim, that’s who attacked us,” Donna snorted, “and they
say that Bin Laden lives like a hero in Pakistan.”
“I have not seen him, I do not know where he lives, I would tell
authorities where if I knew,” Sudah smiled sweetly and shook her head, “the Islamic
people are people of peace, the few who murdered so many and the people who
were happy about it are not true believers, they are cowards and they do not
speak for most of us.”
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6 comments:
I like the way she stands up for her people.
I love that she stays so calm. Hopefully she can win Donna over -- if not, it seems as if at least one of the other women has her back.
There was bound to be someone who would blame her though she had nothing to do with 911. I like how she stands up for herself.
I'm glad she has a voice to stand up for herself and her beliefs. Great snippet. :)
It's a difficult place to be--on both sides of this. I hope this is a story about Donna's redemption, too. It's a real opportunity for readers to grow along with her. :-)
Good writing, Chelle!
Tension, tension. It's growing thicker. I love how Sudah keeps a level head though and stands up for her beliefs and people. She's a strong woman.
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