OMIGOSH… SUMMER IS ALMOST (OFFICIALLY) OVER!!!!

 

Okay, it's official, three more weeks until Autumn begins. Where has the summer gone?

 

Sunrise, sunset,
Sunrise, sunset,
Swiftly flow the days.

Seedlings turn overnight to sunflowers,
Blossoming even as we gaze.

Sunrise, sunset,
Sunrise, sunset,
Swiftly fly the years,
One season following another,
Laden with happiness and tears.

 

This song (from Fiddler on the Roof) is often sung at weddings when parents marvel at how fast their children have grown. But these specific lyrics keep running through my head as I look back on how fast the seasons change.

 

Okay to be honest my summer was a bit of a bummer anyway, starting with my sister's passing and then my recuperating from a nasty cold and cough (yes, I am vaccinated and still took a Covid test — negative thank goodness!). For both reasons I never even got to go swimming this year  😢 (yes, all things considered, that is a minor loss…).

 

It seems like soooooo loooong ago that we were all carefree WITHOUT the need of masks or vaccinations; and while 2020 certainly did drag on unbearably I look at all my loved ones and see how many years have passed so quickly.

 

In my mind I can still see my children as adorable babies who clung to me and begged to be carried everywhere. And now I look at my fully grown ADULT offspring and see them as wise and decent human beings with responsible jobs, loving life partners, capable of taking care of themselves and others, and sometimes even taking care of their OLD parents. They grew up so fast!

 

The seasons just keep rushing by!

Next week is Rosh Hashanah… it is so early this year (in the Gregorian calendar). Rosh Hashanah is the Jewish New Year, it is time to reflect on all that has gone before and all that we look forward to. It is a time for all of us to reflect on WHO we are and WHAT we have done, apologize (SINCERELY!) to those we have wronged, and forgive those who have wronged us. It is a new beginning, in a way. But even with a new beginning, there is no way to go back and steal some yesterdays to relive.

In such a period when we are encouraged to examine what we have done and possibly change what we should do, it is even more obvious how time has flown by.

 

It is just three weeks until the official end of summer…

 

Day 352

It’s been nearly a year of isolation. The lack of human contact has finally gotten to me. I long to see someone’s smile. I long to feel the gentle arms of hug.  It seems my only connection with the outside world has been on a computer screen… at least I’ve had that. I couldn’t even fathom living through this without the technology that does provide us with some connection.

 

March 16, 2020, businesses and restaurants were closed in my state because of this scourge they call COVID-19. Life has changed, it will probably never be the same again. Some business has re-opened, maximum capacity is minimal — some businesses are gone for good, financially destroyed forever. There was a time when an evening at a movie theatre was fun, and now it is just a vacant dream as if it never really happened.

 

Each day headlines that appear on online newspapers mention percentages of unemployment and lost jobs due to businesses closing, there are lists of homes being sold by families who can’t afford them anymore, children have been kept from classrooms and parents are concerned that their children will never catch up on their academia, animal shelters have been closed to outsiders making adoption a nearly impossible task. Periodic food shortages, closed fitting rooms, curbside delivery… just so many catchphrases, so many changes.

 

 I read an article that claimed there is an average of nine relatives and close friends who have mourned every death since this pandemic invaded our shores. It’s unfathomable when I do the math. Half a million deaths… “As of March 1, 2021, there have been around 513,090 deaths related to COVID-19 in the United States”…that means there are more than four million people who have mourned for lost loved ones. The numbers are incomprehensible.

 

There’s a glimmer of hope, but we need to be patient. After many failed attempts I finally made it onto a list to receive a vaccine injection. My dreams of LIVING have begun to creep into my daily thoughts. One shot, then wait another 28 days or so for a second, and then another 30 days for the full effect to happen. Even then there is the recommendation to continue wearing masks and to avoid crowds. BUT — there’s the possibility of living life again to see smiles, to hug relatives, to sit in a restaurant for a meal… so many things to look forward to.

 

Three-hundred-fifty-two days to date, almost an entire year and the hope of one day moving on. I look forward to shaking hands in greetings, to watch family children grow-up first hand, and just to be with people.

 

 I can’t wait.

 

 

 

One of Those Days

Did you ever have one of those days when you can’t seem to get anything done? Actually, I think I’ve had that feeling almost since mid-March 2020. With places closed, lockdowns, isolating, and almost complete boredom, I feel like I have lost the past year of my life. And as a retiree, I really can’t afford to lose a year here or there!

 

Hubs and I are trying to get an appointment to get the COVID-19 vaccine, our state opened it to our age group a little while back, but there doesn’t seem to be enough supply to go around. I am not thrilled about the idea of taking the vaccine, but I am also not thrilled about the idea of possibly getting sick with the COVID virus. Yes, I do believe there is such a threat out there, it’s not a hoax, I know folks who have had it and while, yes, for some it seemed like a bad case of the flu, I’ve known others who have been hospitalized for months… and I’ve known a couple who have died after getting sick with it. Having a pre-existing condition doesn’t make you die, folks who have had pre-existing conditions have usually lived a lot of years WITHOUT dying.

 

But I digress. I am looking forward to seeing family and friends again, to going into a restaurant with my husband and having a nice dinner out, to going into the local casino (I may not be a big gambler, but I do enjoy that), and most of all not feeling so trapped. I’ve been very blessed to be “isolated” with my husband and to have family and friends who don’t mind spending some time on ZOOM or one of the other internet-based communication methods. I’ve gotten to attend a few conferences VIRTUALLY, I attend my RWA chapter board meetings online, once in a while I sit in my easy chair at home and watch my community’s Board of Directors as they deal with our POA’s business, I had the opportunity to sit in on the live streams of two family weddings, and of course I interact with lots of friends on FaceBook.

 

But I want a feeling of normalcy again. Passover is a little more than a month away and I would love to have my kids and their spouses at the table — last Passover my daughter “hosted” the second seder night on ZOOM. I have a grand niece who will soon be one whole year old… and I’ve never seen her in person. And I miss seeing peoples’ smiles, I want to see mouths again.

 

I LOST A YEAR OF MY LIFE AND
I CAN’T WAIT TO START LIVING AGAIN!
(sorry for the outburst)

 

When life is really open again, I mean when we can get together without counting the heads, when we don’t have to strain to hear each other from behind the masks, and when we can shake someone’s hand and hug our loved ones — what do YOU plan to do first? I’m thinking maybe going to a movie theatre, if any of them are still open that is.

 

 

What did 2020 teach you?

 

2020 was a horrific year. But there were a few upsides to the year: we learned how to spend quality family time in our households; we learned how to cook and not be so dependent on going out to eat; we learned creative ways to stay in touch with family and friends outside of the household; we learned that living room carpets were a good place to practice Yoga; and most of all I think we learned to value our families.

For each of us 2020 presented different challenges, but many of us tried to keep ourselves and our loved ones safe by wearing masks (even if we hated them... the masks, not the family). Some weathered tremendous financial losses when businesses shut down. The CDC is now saying “close to 100 million people have had it, close to 45 million have been sick by it and around 2.5 million people have been to the hospital for it”. And let us not forget that more than 350-thousand have died from it.

There were also many acts of generosity and heroism. Many folks helped others by providing food at foodbanks, some even started local foodbanks in their communities, dropped off clothes and coats at local collection centers, and supported local restaurants by ordering take-out/pick-up service. Teachers went above and beyond by not only appearing on ZOOM to teach students, but some even made deliveries of school items to students’ homes and gave their students extra attention and help when possible. Nurses, doctors, Paramedics, EMTs and other first responders worked around the clock caring for those who were stricken by the disease

Some businesses tried to help by offering discounts, rebates, and delivery services. Restaurateurs delivered free food to overworked EMS agencies and healthcare workers. People in metropolitan and suburban areas displayed signs thanking essential workers and cheering daily at 6PM. Video App companies made it possible for holiday family “gatherings” as close as your computer or cell phone. Streaming services hosted special entertainment and performances. And museums, educational conventions, libraries, and some religious institutions went online so no one had to miss out on sights, lessons, and comfort that people wanted.

When this all simmers down, hopefully soon, what will be the things we take from our myriad of experiences? It’s my personal hope that we will take with us a sense of community, the knowledge that even as we sat isolated in our homes, we were never truly alone. I hope that the fact that so many of the poor and homeless were affected disproportionally will strengthen our commitment to help all, that we are all neighbors, that we are all human beings. It would be nice to move forward with feelings of generosity, concern, compassion, and humbleness. Maybe, just maybe, we can cooperate with each other, no matter what gender, color, orientation, political ideology, religion, or economic status anyone is.

While we mourn our losses, let us also celebrate our strengths.

“Just do right. Right may not be expedient, it may not be profitable, but it will satisfy your soul. It brings you the kind of protection that bodyguards can’t give you. So try to live your life in a way that you will not regret years of useless virtue and inertia and timidity. Take up the battle. Take it up. It’s yours. This is your life. This is your world.” ~ Maya Angelou

Holiday Greetings ~ Stop the Spread

 

Last week I spoke about seeing my family via ZOOM for Thanksgiving.  It was a wonderful success; not everyone was able to make it, but we did have a nice crowd. We were later able to touch base with the few family members whose work and other obligations kept them away.

As wonderful as it was to see faces and get to speak in real time, it also was very poignant. This is life now, MAYBE one day things will go back to “normal", but really what will our new normal be?

Will we ever feel safe hugging each other again? Will we see that friend that we haven’t seen in …forever and will we be able to hug and exchange kisses on the cheek? Will we be able to stand close, sharing secrets, and actually see a smile?

Whatever our new normal will be, it will never be the same because the last eight months happened. Sad, but true.  I'm sure we will find a way to deal with it all, but when we think about the way things used to be, we'll miss it.

Now that the Thanksgiving holiday is behind us and we are coming up on Hanukkah, Christmas and New Year's; once again our collective celebrations will be long distance. Yes, I am feeling a little sad, maybe a lot sad, but celebrating together puts our loved ones (and us, the seniors) at risk – and goes against the restrictions set by our respective lawmakers.

I'm not a happy camper…but, thank goodness for all of the instant messaging and virtual media available to us in 2020 (and soon 2021). As much as I miss the real feeling of my children's hugs, I would rather have more months of these virtual visits and the knowledge that one day we will all still be here to enjoy our moments TOGETHER.

However, as I sit here I am reading about the COVID rates rising all around us and these increases suspiciously coincide with both the Halloween and Thanksgiving festivities where some folks did have groups together without masks or social distancing. It’s sad to think that our precious moments with family and friends could have devastating consequences and illness.

But it is true, just today I heard of someone just finding out about a potential exposure he had on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving; G-d forbid, but if he is now positive, then anyone he spent Thanksgiving with is now exposed.

With Hanukkah, Christmas, and New Year’s Eve just around the corner, we need to remain vigilant and social distance even from those we love and care about — if for no other reason than we love and care about them. The sooner we can stop the spread, the sooner we CAN get together when we want to and not worry about our loved ones getting sick.

Let’s make 2021 a healthier and happier year than we’ve just had. We can do it.

 

 

And A Happy Thanksgiving to All

 

So tomorrow, Thanksgiving Day, I will be hosting a family gathering for 31 people — via ZOOM. I’m hoping that most of my invited company will be able to stop by even just for a quick HELLO. I know that many are on different time schedules and have different responsibilities, some work from home and some work in the field, we are all over the country. I would be in complete bliss to see my daughter and son-in-law, son and daughter-in-law, Mark’s and my siblings and their better halves, our nieces and nephews and even grand-nieces and grand-nephews.

 

Years ago when our children were just young’uns and we weren’t spread out all over, we would meet at my sister’s home for a Thanksgiving meal; before we would begin eating we would go around the table saying what we were most thankful for. This year has been… strange and very lonely, and the pandemic is still raging. I am thankful that WE have made it to this time, that my family is safe, and I hope that all who are reading this also feel thankful for what they have.

 

 It’s been a hard year for so many. America has lost more than one-quarter-million lives, families have been financially devastated, hard-working business owners have seen their life-work dissolve, and we are still facing taming this horrible disease. My sincere condolences to all those who have suffered losses, please don’t think I have forgotten you when I feel thankful for all I have.

 

School children were raised on the stories of Pilgrims landing here seeking religious freedoms in the 17^th century and one day sharing a friendly feast with the Native Americans they met and lived amongst — a fairy tale fabrication to explain the Thanksgiving tradition. The first National Thanksgiving Day didn’t happen until almost two centuries later and President Abraham’s proclamation didn’t even mention Pilgrims and “Indians” (as Native Americans were referred to since the original explorers thought they had landed in India).

 

Lincoln’s proclamation, made in the middle of the American Civil War, referred instead to “fruitful fields and healthful skies… which are so constantly enjoyed that we are prone to forget the source from which they come”,  he continued “invite my fellow-citizens in every part of the United States, and also those who are at sea and those who are sojourning in foreign lands, to set apart and observe the last Thursday of November next as a Day of Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the heavens” and finally asked for the “Almighty hand to heal the wounds of the nation, and to restore it, as soon as may be consistent with the Divine purposes, to the full enjoyment of peace, harmony, tranquility, and union.”

 

The fanciful story of grade-school primers and Charlie Brown movies gave a vastly different meaning to Thanksgiving than President Lincoln’s apparent interpretation. I believe Lincoln was reminding us to be thankful for the things we DO have, and not just the ideals we wish for. It would also be befitting to say thank you to the indigenous people who lived here before our European ancestors arrived, we’ve built our homes upon their lands, often just taking and not asking.

 

 We should say thank you to every man and woman who has served our country in every one of our Armed Forces. And especially as this past year has shown us, we need to be thankful for all of our healthcare workers, first responders, and essential workers who have kept us safe, treated us, cared for us, and enabled many of us to exist through this trying time.

 

It is a good time to remember all the little things we should be thankful for, the challenges we’ve survived, and the strength we have to keep moving forward. And especially, thank you for allowing me into your lives through my words.

 

Thanksgiving 1993

Art Imitating Life

Many of the new TV season’s dramas have incorporated A LOT of real life into their stories. We have so much more than just actors wearing masks and TV-news footage of protests and riots. I have to give kudos to the writers and the actors who represent not only some of what has been happening the majority of this past year, but have also effectively evoked the emotional impact it has had on all of us.

 

I know there are many more shows than the ones I am mentioning, but I was riveted by shows like Station 19 and Grey’s Anatomy, the Chicago trio (Fire, Med, and PD), SWAT, and All Rise. Each one of these dramas showed real life situations, frustrations, tragedies and emotions. None of these shows had mere news reports running in the background, they had characters LIVING through the same things that Americans, and folks all over the world, have experienced since the early part of 2020.

 

So is this entertainment? What happened to the beauty of escapism? … Don’t worry, there are still plenty of funny and entertaining shows for those of us who just want a break from life.

 

As a writer I, and many of our ilk, have been taught that stories and characters that the reader can relate to are the most engrossing. When a writer uses real life in her writing it is also a wonderful opportunity to make people think and maybe even possibly strive for solutions. That was what I tried to do when I wrote my book Hyphema about a Pakistani immigrant who just wanted a life with her family, an American husband and their infant son, and the racism they encountered. I also tried to reach out to the social perception of assault victims and the PTSDs they suffer in my book Bartlett’s Rule. In Courage of the Heart I presented a male sexual assault survivor and the social attitudes that belittled his experience.

 

My efforts to make people THINK are just (excuse the cliché) just a tip of the iceberg compared to some of the drama on our nightly television sets. The actors are doing remarkable jobs bringing us into their lives and the emotions they feel, the writers are providing challenging scenarios that truly can be the basis for discussion and hopefully attempts towards healing.

 

Yes, there are some of us who definitely need a break from the real life drama we’ve been living, and there is no harm in taking time for self-care, but when you are up to it, watch some of these dramas and hopefully get on board with rebuilding, healing and acceptance.

 

We’re a week away from Thanksgiving and many of us are feeling cheated once again as we keep distance from loved ones, or worse, realize those loved ones who are no longer with us. I hope and pray for comfort and calm for each of you. Please take necessary precautions against this dratted disease — yes, wear a mask and maintain social distancing, stay away from crowds.

 

I’m not being chicken when I ask you this and I know very well how hard it is to be separated from family because of COVID. This Thanksgiving holiday my husband and I are hoping to at least “see” our grown children through some audio/visual app, we won’t be seeing them in person because, simply put, they are first responders and they’ve been out there taking care of those who have fallen victim to COVID so they are quarantining themselves to protect us.

 

Sending healing thoughts for everyone’s health and a huge thank you to all of the first responders and essential workers who have given so much for the rest of us.

 

It Ain’t Over ‘til It’s Over

 

So America’s 2020 Election Day is behind us… at least the voting part. Ballots are still being counted and we may not have all of the results for a few days. So we wait, not necessarily patiently.

 

No matter which presidential candidate you voted for, one of the two major candidates or a third party, electing our next American president is an important event. And there were many other races as well for state and federal positions, local mayors and governors and don’t forget a few referendums in some locations.  Every person who cast a ballot was part of a very important process of our democracy. It’s really a very heavy responsibility.

 

This year’s election was complicated because of the COVID-19 pandemic, most states made voting by mail an easy option. There was also “Early Voting” to try to keep down the election day lines, but there were long lines in almost every case both for the early voting and on the actual day of voting. Mail-in ballots also gave their share of consternation with delays, stories of lost mail and concern about alleged voter fraud. No wonder so many would-be voters have been complaining of tension headaches for the past week or so.

 

According to the United States Constitution, voting is a right and a privilege. Many constitutional amendments have been ratified since the first election. Surprisingly voting was never made mandatory for U.S. citizens. And also surprisingly, there is NO statement in the U.S. Constitution that does state, inexplicably, that our citizens have the RIGHT to vote. But there are inherent rights granted to our people and individual states included the right to vote. The original folks who could make decision regarding our leadership were landowners, and then MEN, and later specified that all men were allowed to vote no matter was their race was. Finally somewhere around 1919 women were finally allowed to make their preferences known and vote as well. It’s been a long road and many people fought for the right to vote.

 

And yet even in the year 2020, some people don’t bother to vote. Why not? There are a few who can’t vote because of religion. Then there are some who simply are not interested in the candidates or races. The most common reason given for not voting is “What difference does my one vote make?” Since states are permitted, within reason, to decide their own voting rules and regulations, some people don’t meet the requirements easily — someone may have missed the registration deadline, or they don’t have the necessary documents (including residence) to prove their identity and/or eligibility. Unfortunately, there are some (relatively few) cases that seem to be voter suppression such as not making polling centers convenient to certain populations. People may become disenfranchised when the person they want to win loses. There are even some who simply are not interested in casting their votes because they don’t like the candidates running or they don’t know enough about a referendum.

 

I like knowing that I have had a say in the government where I live, even if it is just one tiny vote, even if the candidate(s) I voted for didn’t win, and even if it means getting up early to stand on a line to cast my vote. Next year, or even for the next primary, think about voting. It may not be in the Constitution, but it is a privilege.

 

 

 

 

To Vote, to Vote, Perchance to Vote

 

 In just under two weeks, Americans will go to the polls (or will have mailed in or walked in their ballots) to vote for several candidates, most importantly for who will be the next President of the United States. It’s a heavy burden on each of us. Anyone who follows me on social media knows who I support, but this post is not about WHO – rather it is about YOU.

 

I recently posted the following on my Facebook page:
     I remember, in 1960, one of our neighbors sitting on the front stoop of the Bronx building she lived in and crying her eyes out. My parents stopped to speak to her to find out what was wrong... she wanted to vote for JFK but her husband told her that if she didn't vote for Nixon she had to leave their home.
     My dad told her "when you get into that polling booth, who you vote for is YOUR business, no one else's..."
     In 2016 I heard a father screaming at his daughter over a cell phone (standing in the center of CVS), apparently she made it known she wanted to vote for Clinton, he screamed at her that if she didn't vote for trump she could pack her bags that day.
     It truly doesn't matter who you vote for (well it does, but I am not trying to make THAT point), YOU have to vote for the candidate YOU choose.
     Whether you are in a booth or filling out a ballot, you have privacy and NO ONE has the right to tell you how to vote - certainly NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO THREATEN YOU IN ANY WAY.
     Even if your polling place has "observers", YOU NEED TO VOTE FOR WHO YOU WANT.

 

Your vote DOES count. A lot of folks cry that it doesn’t, that the Electoral College actually elects our president. There is SOME truth to that as we saw in 2016 when the Electoral College did NOT declare the popular vote winner as president. However each state is assigned a specific amount of electors (supposedly something to do with population) and the popular vote of each state decides WHICH electors will cast a vote. Even if the vote is close then the electors vote for the majority candidate. There are many arguments calling this system archaic, but for now it is what we are stuck with.

 

Understand though that the ONLY and very few times the Electoral College disagreed with the popular vote, the popular vote was CLOSE, VERY CLOSE (considering the percentage of votes against the people who voted). So your vote, along with others, DOES decide who the Electoral Collage from your state chooses. Unfortunately, especially in national elections, third party candidates have not historically shown enough strength. Those votes in effect do not help decide the Electoral College count. If 100 people vote and 46 vote for candidate A, 44 vote for candidate B, and 10 vote for candidate C (third party), then candidate A will receive the Electoral College. So even if 8 of those C votes were people who absolutely did not want A but thought B wasn’t perfect, A would win because those 8 votes weren’t enough to give any strength to C.

 

This year between the pandemic and fear of violence at the polls, as well as some areas closing polling places and creating longer lines, getting your vote in may seem more challenging. Remember though that whatever time you need to take to vote, or distance to drop your mail-in ballot at an authorized receptacle – well this vote will have a major impact on the next four years of your life. It is extremely important to make your voice heard.

 

YOUR VOTE IS IMPORTANT!

A state-by-state guide to voting in 2020

Happy 2020!

So it’s a New Year (in the Gregorian calendar) and aside from all the jokes about having terrific vision this year (2020 eyesight and all that), it is, like all New Year celebrations, another NEW beginning; I wrote about new beginnings this past October.

So what makes THIS new beginning different from all other New Year events? Well for one this New Year is based on the Gregorian calendar and seems to be more universal, most times even people who observe religious and ethnic based festivities also celebrate the coming of January 1. The Gregorian calendar is accepted as the most widely used calendar as it most closely represents the Earth’s spin around the Sun.

Most of us will probably, as in many years past, need a while to get used to writing the “2020” in our checkbooks and other correspondence. Luckily for those of us who make use of EFT (electronic fund transfers) through our online banking apps will send our check payments out with the correct date thanks to the computerized systems. But snail-mailed greeting cards and letters, for those few still doing that, will provide enough challenge, lol.

Here’s some fun facts about the year 2020: It’s a leap year since it is divisible by four (4), which means that there are 366 days instead of the usual 365 — this allows for the approximately one-quarter extra day per year that the Earth moves around the Sun, or exactly 365 days 5 hours 48 minutes and 46 seconds. This year February 29 is a thing! By the way did you know that the turn-of-the-century years, even though still divisible by four, are NOT leap years? This is because years that are equally divisible by 100 are excluded… I have no idea why.

October 2020 will make the 438^th anniversary of the Gregorian calendar, its predecessor was the Julian calendar (named for Julius Caesar). The Gregorian calendar was named for its creator, Pope Gregory XIII (with the assistance of undisclosed and uncelebrated astronomers). It seems that the approximately 11 minutes per year that the Julian calendar did not take into account threw the observance dates of certain Christian holidays askew. The new Gregorian calendar specifically allows for 365-days per year with an extra day every year divisible by four (February 29), and centuries divisible by 400 (otherwise years divisible by 100 are excluded).

Whew, I am glad I didn’t have to do the math!

Most people still make resolutions, ideas of things to better themselves, every New Year. And then most people break those well-meaning resolutions after only a few weeks (if they are that lucky to last that long). The new concept recommended by therapists and life-guides is to set goals WITH plans of how to reach those goals so that we each have a “road-map” to guide us. Part of reaching January is to let go of the past year — that doesn’t mean forgetting! Build on what happened last year, it taught you lessons, maybe you met new people, maybe you lost someone dear, but it was a definite part of making YOU. Let go of the disappointments, know that you have a chance to re-do most of what you didn’t manage in the year before.

Perhaps that fact that this year is 2020 and allows for all the jokes about vision is a sign… It’s a new year, and a new time to evaluate ourselves and work towards doing better. It’s a time for us to treasure our friendships especially those that have traveled the many years with us. Be sure to celebrate the person you’ve become, you reached this day, this year and this new opportunity.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!