The Year of Firsts

I posted back in June, my only sister passed away fairly unexpectantly. She was five years older than me and in her early 70s, we had A LOT of time together, I am very blessed for that. It's still a huge change in my life though…

 

As we are nearing the end of 2021, and with all of the holidays surrounding us, her absence from my life is weighing heavily on my mind. This is what I call the "Year of Firsts" — it's the FIRST time that I am doing things differently, doing things without her presence. Although I will always be sad that she isn't here, the "next time" becomes a little bit more normal.

 

We lost our parents in 1977 and 1979 and we had each other for support during the years of firsts (and yes, Thank G-d, we also had our husbands who were total rocks for us). As our own young families grew, we spent many, many Thanksgivings together taking family pictures and torturing our kids along the way, lol. As our own children got older and had their own homes, we didn't have the dinners together, but my sis and I often spent A LOT of time on the phone "cooking together"… this year I didn't have that.

 

I began to think about the upcoming New Year's Eve and how every year we would be on the phone together within minutes of the ball drop in Times Square. That phone call will be missed this year. Her first birthday since she is gone and all the holidays since have been painful reminders that she isn't here, everything was a first. I know that even after the first anniversary of her passing there will still be so many poignant moments, but I will have gotten through it once already.

 

It's not that I am strong, but I do remember all the wonderful years I had with her and all of our memories. I am in the process of writing MY memories down because with my parents and now my sister gone, I'm the only one with ALL of those memories. (And as my daughter said to me, it's a GREAT opportunity for me to put MY spin on everything!) My memories and my blessings are what will get me through.

 

I had my sister in my life for 67 years, a lifetime of secrets, laughter, compassion, sharing, joys and just simple talks. I have my brother (in-law), her husband, who has known me since my teen years and has become more of a brother than an in-law. I have my sister's sons and their families in my life. My husband and our children and their mates got to know her. And I have many little tidbits of advice she gave me (she not only loved to tell me what to do, but she was also a psychologist) that will remain with me forever.

 

While I still shed tears, sometimes more often than I want to admit, I also realize how fortunate I've been to have had ALL the people in my life that have been here — and I am truly so fortunate to have had such a wonderful friendship with my sister.

 

I am halfway through the "Year of Firsts", I'm going to make it.

 

Bobi, I will always love you.

Highs and Lows

 

Many times in life we can have both moments of happiness and moments that bring us tears. It isn't an easy choice which moment to focus on, but if you find yourself always ignoring your joys and dwelling on your sorrows then you never experience happiness.

 

Everybody has disappointments, losses and worries in their life — but also we find reasons to smile and feel content. Never forget the happiness you’ve shared with someone even on the day that they are no longer be with you, embrace your memories to find strength and hope. In Judaism it is common to offer condolences with the words “May his/her memory forever be a blessing”; these words are meant to help the survivors live their lives remembering not only the happiness they shared, but also encouraging them to live the kind of life the lost loved one would want “you” to have. By focusing on the good times and appreciating the principles taught, you find strength to go on and make your life worth so much.

 

It isn’t only death where we need to focus on GOOD THINGS, it’s every morning you rise to enjoy the sunlight on your face, every evening you find the softness of a pillow to comfort you as you sleep; appreciate every meal as if it were a banquet while it assuages any hunger pains; don’t envy your neighbor for their shiny new car in the driveway when you can sleep in and maybe work from home instead of navigating a traffic jam on your way to work; and enjoy the cuddles of a pussycat instead of bemoaning your temporary loneliness. I learned painstakingly to never say “this is the worst it could be” instead of focusing on the things I did have, don’t make that mistake.

 

It is alright to wish for more, but don’t ignore the things you do have already. Never turn your back on the good things that come your way, don’t be envious of what someone else has and instead acknowledge all the things you do have. And here’s a little thing I’ll let you in on, there is always somebody out there who is envious of the things YOU have. Unfortunately, it seems to be human nature to not only be VERY aware of the negative things around us, but to dwell on them as well. Shiny and ritzy are not necessarily signs of success, money has never guaranteed happiness. Look around you and chances are that you will see good things, things to make you smile, things to comfort, and things that bring you satisfaction and happiness.

 

While you are appreciating your own “good things”, try taking the time to give a stranger a smile, to let a service worker know you appreciate their efforts, to hug your loved ones, and even cuddle with your fur-babies… you just might make someone else’s day. Spread the joy. There’s a reason the word SMILE has a “mile” in it, it goes a long way.

 

And A Happy Thanksgiving to All

 

So tomorrow, Thanksgiving Day, I will be hosting a family gathering for 31 people — via ZOOM. I’m hoping that most of my invited company will be able to stop by even just for a quick HELLO. I know that many are on different time schedules and have different responsibilities, some work from home and some work in the field, we are all over the country. I would be in complete bliss to see my daughter and son-in-law, son and daughter-in-law, Mark’s and my siblings and their better halves, our nieces and nephews and even grand-nieces and grand-nephews.

 

Years ago when our children were just young’uns and we weren’t spread out all over, we would meet at my sister’s home for a Thanksgiving meal; before we would begin eating we would go around the table saying what we were most thankful for. This year has been… strange and very lonely, and the pandemic is still raging. I am thankful that WE have made it to this time, that my family is safe, and I hope that all who are reading this also feel thankful for what they have.

 

 It’s been a hard year for so many. America has lost more than one-quarter-million lives, families have been financially devastated, hard-working business owners have seen their life-work dissolve, and we are still facing taming this horrible disease. My sincere condolences to all those who have suffered losses, please don’t think I have forgotten you when I feel thankful for all I have.

 

School children were raised on the stories of Pilgrims landing here seeking religious freedoms in the 17^th century and one day sharing a friendly feast with the Native Americans they met and lived amongst — a fairy tale fabrication to explain the Thanksgiving tradition. The first National Thanksgiving Day didn’t happen until almost two centuries later and President Abraham’s proclamation didn’t even mention Pilgrims and “Indians” (as Native Americans were referred to since the original explorers thought they had landed in India).

 

Lincoln’s proclamation, made in the middle of the American Civil War, referred instead to “fruitful fields and healthful skies… which are so constantly enjoyed that we are prone to forget the source from which they come”,  he continued “invite my fellow-citizens in every part of the United States, and also those who are at sea and those who are sojourning in foreign lands, to set apart and observe the last Thursday of November next as a Day of Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the heavens” and finally asked for the “Almighty hand to heal the wounds of the nation, and to restore it, as soon as may be consistent with the Divine purposes, to the full enjoyment of peace, harmony, tranquility, and union.”

 

The fanciful story of grade-school primers and Charlie Brown movies gave a vastly different meaning to Thanksgiving than President Lincoln’s apparent interpretation. I believe Lincoln was reminding us to be thankful for the things we DO have, and not just the ideals we wish for. It would also be befitting to say thank you to the indigenous people who lived here before our European ancestors arrived, we’ve built our homes upon their lands, often just taking and not asking.

 

 We should say thank you to every man and woman who has served our country in every one of our Armed Forces. And especially as this past year has shown us, we need to be thankful for all of our healthcare workers, first responders, and essential workers who have kept us safe, treated us, cared for us, and enabled many of us to exist through this trying time.

 

It is a good time to remember all the little things we should be thankful for, the challenges we’ve survived, and the strength we have to keep moving forward. And especially, thank you for allowing me into your lives through my words.

 

Thanksgiving 1993

What makes a HERO?

Comic book heroes have superpowers and are invincible. REAL heroes are mortals who seem to have an inner strength to run towards danger to help strangers even while others run away.

We’ve heard and seen the stories of heroism that came from 9/11, or hurricanes, earthquakes and other catastrophes. Right now, in 2020, our country, our world, is going through a frightening pandemic and yet there are people with remarkable dedication and bravery to be there when people need them.

Our First Responders and Health Care Workers have continually put themselves in the line of danger on the Front Line dealing with an unknown disease — we may have a name for this virus, but every day we seem to find something different in how it reacts, the damage it causes and the lives it takes. And it takes bravery for our “Essential Workers” to show up every day and help the rest of us keep some semblance of normalcy in our lives. No one is a fool, no one thinks they are invincible.

I am a very proud mother and mother-in-law of FOUR FRONTLINE individuals – EMS, Fire Department, and Hospital staff. I am very proud of my offspring and their other halves, and it is scary as hell because I worry about them every single day. But I am PROUD of their commitment to make our world better, to care for strangers, to provide comfort. I don’t know if I could be so brave.

I know that my four are not the only ones out there, saving us, and being there for us. I know that personally because our kids are not the only ones in our family to be on the FrontLine as well as many friends who are out there responding to wherever they are called.

My husband and I are sitting at home, practicing #SocialDistancing, wearing masks WHEN we do have to go out, and doing or giving where we can and I almost feel guilty for keeping ourselves safe when our children and so many other heroes are out there. I say “almost’ because every person who keeps himself healthy does not put more strain on an already strained healthcare system.

What I have been trying to do is let each of our heroes know how much I appreciate them and acknowledge how vital each one is. When we have to do our necessary grocery shopping, or make phone calls to keep our daily lives moving, my husband and I always try to thank each person we encounter and let them know we appreciate their being there.

I have devoted several spots on one of my blogs to highlighting Healthcare workers — EMTs, Paramedics, Hospital workers and their support systems – I would love it if you would take a look and share your thanks as well. If appreciation helps at all, let’s appreciate.

Thank you.

The HEROES2020 series

#EMSSTRONG, EMS Week 2020, 5/20

Men & Women of RMC/RPS  5/17

 Gayle Metzger, 5/15 Darrell Jennings, 5/13

 Moms of Essential Workers. 5/10

 Jesse Goldsmith,5/8

 Dave Stone RIP, 5/6

video: Never Alone, 5/3

 Micky Huber, 5/1

 Jared Panko, 4/24

Send me your #COVID19Warrior story for inclusion
in the HEROES 2020 series.
Send info on 1st Responders & Healthcare Workers who are on the Front-Lines during this COVID19 crisis. Submit a brief blurb about the individual (see some of the examples above) and a digital pic.
This is a great opportunity for EMS, FD, PD and hospital personnel managers to show their appreciation for a Job Well Done!
If you are submitting as a private individual
(friend or family member) please make sure you have that
individual’s permission to post their info.
Send your submission to ChelleCordero@gmail.com,
please put HEROES2020 in the subject line.
I will post as many as I can.
Thank you to all of our Front-Line workers!

Gimpy

Back at our old home in Rockland County, NY we got to see numerous deer and some other wildlife traipsing through our back yard. While the suburban town wasn’t exactly wide open spaces, we were close enough to a large park system and, let’s face facts, builders put our homes up and encroached on the wildlife homes more than a bit. We lived within (a long) walking distance to a busy roadway so, unfortunately, it wasn’t uncommon to find that a domestic pet that had gotten loose or a wild animal got hit by cars doing highway speeds. It was always heartbreaking.

There were a few trees in our backyard that visiting deer liked to eat from, they would congregate and take turns munching on the leaves. A favorite tree for “snacking” fell (literally) victim to a heavy wind and rain storm and was removed because it was blocking part of my neighbor’s driveway. Quite a few days later I noticed a group of deer feasting on the next tree whose branches didn’t come as close to the ground as the one that had fallen. I also noticed a smaller deer that was noticeably limping and looking longingly at the other deer munching; one of her back legs was twisted and she couldn’t stand on it long enough to reach the leaves she hungered for.

The other deer finished their munching and ran off leaving this poor little girl staring at the ground to see if any of the others had left her leaves. My heart broke for her and I broke a cardinal rule of mine. I never wanted to teach a wild animal to trust or depend on humans because unfortunately that could lead to their being hurt. I was on my second floor deck and I went to my fridge and got an apple, cut it into pieces and tossed them down towards her. She looked up at me cautiously and then sniffed the fruit I had tossed before gobbling it up, her hunger was evident.

I saw her a handful of times after that and occasionally tossed another apple or carrot her way, I never tried to approach her. Maybe it was only my imagination but she seemed to recognize me and I could swear she smiled. As the few weeks went by she seemed to be limping less and less and when she saw me on the deck she even came closer and did a little dance step as if to show me she was healing. Then the day came when she was able to use her back legs enough to reach the leaves from the “deer tree” as I called it and with leaves in her mouth she came back towards the deck and looked up at me and munched. Eventually she had healed enough to begin to run with her pack again and after a while it became difficult to pick her out of the group because she didn’t even limp anymore.

We moved from there a year and a half ago and I often think of the deer I came to affectionately call “Gimpy” – no it wasn’t exactly a politically correct name, but I thought of her with a lot of fondness. I hope that Gimpy is still doing well and I thank her for letting me see the healing process and the gratitude she showed me.

Today we live in a much more countrified and open area. While several homes dot the land there are many species of wildlife that we see in our yards and neighborhood including deer and even coyotes, bears and wild turkeys. I get the impression that the animals have allowed us to live amongst them (no hunting is allowed so they treat it as THEIR sanctuary) and we more or less get along peacefully. I admit, like many of my neighbors, I often toss vegetable and fruit scraps in areas where the deer and squirrels come to munch and while I still do not encourage them to come to me, they will stand a few yards away and watch me (cautiously).

Sometimes while I am sitting on my back deck, much closer to the ground this time, I look up to see a deer at the gate just watching me. Although we are miles away from where we used to live, in my fantasies I sometimes wonder if Gimpy had passed my description along to have her friends check in on me.

Appreciation

“We are on this planet but once, and to spend it holding back our gushing appreciation of the things that light us up is a shameful waste.” ~ Jen Sincero

          Some people find it very easy to say the word “Thanks” whether they truly mean it or not. For many it still is a welcomed word to hear, others may hear a “Thanks, but…” when it isn’t sincere. Perhaps we should be grateful for the speaker’s civility and the attempt to acknowledge our efforts, after all there are far too many times when our extra efforts are just, expected.

Although most people do a job well out of self-pride, or hold a door because that is how we were taught to do, or give a thoughtful gift just because we want to bring a smile to someone’s face, it still is wonderful to know that our actions are appreciated. I recently read an acknowledgment page in a fellow author’s book (Brenda Hill, With Full Malice) and upon seeing my name listed it filled me with a nice feeling that I was thought of and remembered for simply answering a (medical) question.

It doesn’t take a huge life changing action to do something to help another person, and it shouldn’t take that huge life changing action to be appreciated. We remember our school teachers that always seemed to fill our learning with excitement. We remember our parents for feeding and clothing us. We might even remember a doctor who helped us through some physical pain. But how often have we really taken the time to say “Thank you” and really mean it? How often have we shared our appreciation with remembrance and even passing along a kindness?

Don’t take advantage of the folks who have made your life better, no matter how minor or major their actions might have been. Get into the habit of letting someone know that they have made even a part of your day a little more pleasant, or your life a whole lot easier. Let your children know the joy they bring to you daily, and let your parents know how much you appreciate every time that they put you first. If you are a boss your employee’s paycheck may be very welcomed, but also letting him/her know that you appreciate the good job she is doing will make her day that much more pleasant.

Showing your sincere gratitude has benefits not only for the recipient but also for you: “Tossing off the half-hearted "thanks" won't cut it; deep gratitude has to come from within and in a meaningful way. This spotlights the highly social aspect of feeling grateful. Gratitude is also getting a great deal of attention as a facet of positive psychology: Practicing gratitude means paying attention to what we are thankful for to the degree of feeling more kind and compassionate toward the world at large.” (Psychology Today)

And in that vein of practicing sincere gratitude, I am thankful for each and every one of my blog readers and those that follow me on social media. Your support is a great part of why I love what I do.

Year End Back-look ~ #MondayBlogs

One of my New Year’s resolutions will be to stop procrastinating and putting things off to the last minute — I guess that’s the reason I’m not waiting to the last week of the year to write this.

I look back and wonder what I’ve accomplished this year. I haven’t written nearly as much FICTION as I wanted to, but I have increased my NON-fiction business and, almost sadly, I make more money at that so… Since it’s fiction that I want to write, am I selling myself out? Or like many others who can’t survive on their books alone, am I just working towards paying bills and just lucky that my “daytime job” is also writing. It’s a hard decision to decide priorities when one is your dream and the other is your mortgage.

Hubby and I want to get our house in order as we are nearing retirement years and want the opportunity to actually consider the proverbial downsizing. Somehow my closets seem to have some kind of fertilizer though and every time I THINK I’ve pared one down, it just seems to still overflow! And after 35-years in this house and my impossible sentimentality, it is just plain hard to go through draws and files deciding what to actually keep and toss. Besides this is a house that raised a family so the memories have a way of grasping and nearly paralyzing my physical being, …so hard to get things done.

Time! Every day seems shorter and shorter, and I am not just talking about the approach (actually today) of the winter solstice. It’s so difficult to believe that each day has the same 24-hours it always has (give or take the actual few minutes). I remember a time when I actually had time to do things like my work, my dishes, and most importantly stay in touch with people I care about. I feel as if I’m busy, busy, busy and yet a look back and it doesn’t seem that I’ve gotten much accomplished at all. Sometimes I worry that life is rushing by and I am missing out.

A couple of years ago I began an exercise program, but thanks to real health issues (yes, yes, confirm it with my doctor!) I’ve slacked off somewhat and can’t seem to literally get back on track. Mentally I feel about half my age which was a time I had ENERGY, lol. Somehow the energy has retired before I’ve reached that age myself. Our bodies change as we get older, everyone tells me that, so shouldn’t it stand to reason that it feels fresh and renewed once in a while? Instead I wake up with the same, and a few more, problems I had when I went to sleep.

I do look back at the past year and I’ve had a lot of precious moments and I am busy trying to save mementoes in the most compact manner possible in keeping with the downsizing desire. I’ve spent time with family but it’s never as much time as I want. And I have made a habit of saying nightly prayers and most importantly being thankful for my many blessings; that’s something that does make me feel good.

I think after all the looking back I tend to do at this time of year I can make a one word resolution for 2016 —

TIME

·       2016 is the year I will work on time management

·       2016 is the year I will make time for family and friends

·       2016 is the year I will remember all of the good times

·       2016 will be the year I make time to think before speaking

·       2016 will be the year I make MORE time to write my fiction

·       2016 is the year I will look forward in time and not dwell on the past

·       2016 is the year I will make time to take care of myself so that I can be here to give time to my family

·       2016 will be the year that I won’t take anything for granted and I will take the time to say Thank You to everyone in my life

A Few of My Favorite Things

A Day to Be Grateful...

Traditionally Americans are coerced into reciting all of the things they are thankful for before feasting on gluttonous meals yearly on the fourth Thursday in November. Several other cultures celebrate similar days of thanks as well. Hopefully each one of us remembers to appreciate and be grateful for all that we have the other 364 days in the year.

Before I sit at my family's Thanksgiving table tomorrow, I wanted to take the time to thank all of my readers - blogs, books and articles - and all of my social network friends for allowing me room in their lives. My wish for each of you is to have many, many, MANY reasons to be grateful every day.

I feel the need to mention just some of the things I thank G-d for everyday: My husband, our children and their soul-mates, our combined siblings and their families, our cousins, extended family and mishpocha (relatives through blood & marriage), our cats and other family pets,the professionals I get to work with in a job I love, my publisher and fellow authors at VHP, the friendships I've made through work, a warm home, my needs being met and lots of hopes and dreams we are all working towards. I am thankful for so many of the people I've known in my life, even several who are no longer present, and the experiences and joys I've been allowed to see. I've been blessed to find some of my closest friends among the very people I call family, and friends who have become family. I can earnestly say It IS a Wonderful Life.

May you and yours enjoy all of the goodness 

and blessings of the day

 and forever have reason to be thankful! 

This is dedicated to the ones I love...

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and how grateful am I to each and every one of you?

Thank you!

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