WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT…

...and in many ways, we are all the same. So why is there so much hate these days? Why does looking or being “different” create so much suspicion and animosity?

 

In school kids make fun of other children who “look” different, it can be a child with prophylactics, who wears glasses, or even who comes to school in tattered clothes because of family finances. Maybe the child comes from a different culture which has a unique clothing style, or even wears a pendant of their faith. Some can make fun of children who may have a different skin color, or are overweight, or can’t speak fluent English, or anything that is different from “the cool kids”. Parents and teachers need to teach children about diversity in both culture, lifestyle and economic means.

 

Anti-bias education, at home and in the school, is a crucial step to opening children’s minds to acceptance. Things like teaching children that occupations are not gender-specific will help to bridge the gender gap, knowing that a little girl can grow up to lead a construction crew, or a little boy can study to be nurse (as examples) are ways to help children live up to their own personal potentials despite societal norms. Encouraging children to take personal pride in their cultural traditions AND accepting others who do the same will help them as they grow up and are exposed to diversity.

 

Exposing children to anti-bias books (appropriate for their age) will help to open their minds to peoples’ differences and humanity. It’s important not to stay quiet or discourage conversation — if the child questions how a girl can grow up to be the President for example, don’t admonish them. Encourage conversation and help them, through subtle questions and discussion starters, see all the things they are capable of and that no profession is specific to one gender. Ask them about hobbies and dreams. Maybe a young boy will tell others he likes to sew or crochet and the other children giggle, don’t admonish but tell them about fashion designers like Michael Kors or the tailor down the street. Help to foster interest in other children’s cultures and traditions by giving an opportunity to share fun customs and possibly sample cuisines.

 

When parents and teachers have open minds and accept the differences EVERYONE has, it is easier to teach and help children to learn anti-bias behavior. It’s not too late to start. Watch the words you use, avoid stereotypes, open yourself to learning about others and offering knowledge about your own background. Stress the similarities, but don’t ignore the variety of things others can bring to any conversation or experience. Let’s work on being humans first and accept those around us without prejudice.

 

 

 

 

 

We’re Making History ~ #MondayBlogs

No matter who you plan to vote for in this presidential election, there is no denying the monumental achievement that we Americans have experienced. This is the first time in American history that a woman has been nominated by a MAJOR party and the first time that there is a significant possibility that a woman could be elected as our country’s leader.

It needs to be noted that two women have been major party Vice-Presidential Nominees, Geraldine Ferraro in 1984 and Sarah Palin in 2008; neither was elected to office.

There have been other women who have run (unsuccessfully) for president on Independent and Third-party lines, or have not won the final Major Party nod: Victoria Woodhull ran in 1872 and again in 1892; Belva Lockwood ran in 1884 and 1888; Laura Clay ran in 1920; comedian Grace Allen got write-in votes in 1940; Margaret Chase Smith was considered for nomination by the Republican party in 1964 but did not win the nomination; Charlene Mitchell was the first African-American woman nominated in 1968.

1972 was a busy year with Shirley Chisholm, Patsy Takemoto Mink (first Asian American woman), and Bella Abzug as potential Democratic nominees in 1972; Linda Osteen Jenness and Evelyn Reed also ran as a third-party candidates in 1972; Ellen McCormack ran in 1976 (potential Democratic nominee) and in 1980 for a third-party; Margaret Wright in 1976; Deidre Griswold and Maureen Smith in 1980; Sonia Johnson and Gavrielle Holmes in 1984; Isabelle Masters ran in 1984, 1992, 1996, 2000, and 2004; and Lenora Fulani in 1988 and in the New Hampshire Democratic primary in 1992.

We’ve come a long, long way…

When I was married in 1975 I was not given a choice what last name I would be using, it was an automatic practice that a woman adopt her husband’s last name (I am very proud to be Mrs. “E”). I was pleasantly astounded when my daughter, in 2007, was filling out the paperwork for her marriage license and I noticed all of the options; women now can retain their own last names, combine with their husband’s, or take the husband’s name as I did — and the husband has similar options including taking his wife’s surname.

I also remember that I had a credit card prior to my marriage; after being married I requested a card for my new husband. The card was promptly cancelled and I called to ask why; the reason I was given was that a married woman had to have the card under her husband’s credit and permission (there were no standards against credit gender-discrimination at that time).

Other real differences that have happened in the past decades include the firing of pregnant women (as happened to a relative of mine in the early 70s), no such thing as paternity leave, and the right to refuse a female access to certain jobs. There are still more advancements to be made but it is a very different world since my own young adult years.

There are currently 26 countries with female heads-of-state and others who have had women in charge in recent years. This is the closest that the United States of America has come to having a woman leading our country. While your vote this November and the outcome should be based on merit and capability, this very significant milestone should be celebrated by all as to how far we have come.

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The American Predilection to Prejudice ~ #MondayBlogs

I recently watched the movie "Black or White" starring Kevin Costner and Octavia Spencer; it's a movie about a recently widowed white grandfather who is drawn into a custody dispute over his biracial granddaughter who he has raised all of her life. Overall the movie was, in my opinion, terrific. Admittedly the story does include some stereotyping: a wealthy white grandfather with a drinking problem, a crack addicted and absent black father, and a loving black grandmother who lives with her large extended family in an unsavory part of town. Personally I think those stereotypes were used to emphasize that no side is perfect or better than the other

During one of several poignant courtroom scenes where the father's family lawyer Jeremiah (played by Anthony Mackie) tries to make Elliot (played by Costner) out to be a bigot, Elliot makes a very dramatic and thought-provoking argument:

Jeremiah: Do you have a problem with racial prejudice?
Elliot: Is that what you want to make this about, Jeremiah? Really? Well then let's do it them. You've wanted to ever since Rowena first dragged you into this. So yes, we're different, you and I. You want to submit that? Submit it. We have different skin color. Is that the first thing I notice when I see a black man, the color of his skin? Yes. Submit Away. Because I can go ahead and submit that it's the first thing you see when you see a white guy. Now I don't know why that is any more than I know why when I see a good-looking woman, the first thing I notice are her breasts, because I do. But if I move on to my next thought quick enough, I'm not a pervert... I'm not a bad guy. I'm just mildly flawed. It's the same thing with race. It's not my first thought that counts, it's my second, third and fourth thought. And each and every case I'm in it comes down to the same thing, the action and the interaction with the person I'm interacting with. 

Noticing a person's physical description whether they are black or white, male or female, fat or thin, tall or short doesn't make a person a bigot. The meaning of PREJUDICE according to Google is a "preconceived opinion that is not based on reason or actual experience". Prejudice is when we allow that first look, that first impression, to make a difference in how we view an individual. We teach our children to notice the things around them, we ask our police officers to note a person's description, we hope drivers are observant about the people and places they pass. If you look with your eyes open you will see differences in our appearances. I am a short olive-toned, plumper than should be female and if you notice any of that you are simply looking AT me... BUT if you allow any of that to think that I am less or more worthy of fair treatment than any one else simply based on my appearance, then that is prejudice.

We are all raised with some preconceived notions... a white picket fence around a suburban house means a happy family... an eccentrically dressed older woman sitting on a park bench is crazy... a well dressed white man driving an expensive car is highly respected... a young black child with a torn and dirty shirt has an irresponsible single mother. We've been exposed to many of these stereotypes in our childhood homes, on TV, through single incidents. As "Elliot" said though, move on to your next thought; think of the possibilities, learn more.

As a society we've become lazy. Too many people don't want to take the time to learn about a person and about their character. Meet me, talk with me; read my resume if I am looking for a job instead of tossing it onto the rejection pile when you see the Spanish surname. Don't assume when you see the Star of David I sometimes wear that I fit every negative ethnic joke you ever heard about Jews. And if you decide I have the qualifications for the job don't pay me less than you would a man working the same position.

Yes, we have differences. Even people of the same ethnic group, gender, age range, religion have differences. And yet we are all alike, we all feel pain and joy, we all enjoy being loved, we all need sustenance, and we all need air to breathe. Even identical twins can have very different personalities, skills and desires. 

Prejudice is stopping at that first look or that first impression. Prejudice is not thinking past stereotypes. Prejudice is allowing bias to dictate how you treat someone simply because you can't or won't take the time to move on to your second, third and fourth thoughts.

Respect people for WHO they are and not for WHAT they appear to be.

Make time to learn their traditions, cultures and language.

Give meaning to the words Brotherhood and Humanity.