I’m Easy…

I’m very easy to talk to. Like my mom and my sister, people seem to naturally open up about things EVEN IF THEY WEREN’T ASKED!

I remember when I was young and my family went places (like Palisades Amusement Park in NJ – oops, I guess I AM that old!) my dad would take my sister and me on rides while my mom (who was disabled) would take a seat on a bench and wait for our return. Invariably we would come walking back to find a small crowd around my mother and just talking, it was almost like she was holding court, LOL. Others who weren’t interested in going on the rides gravitated to her and simply TALKED, they would always turn to my dad and praise my mom saying that they hadn’t enjoyed conversations like that before.

This seems to be a talent that both of her daughters inherited.

I’ve found on occasion that being easy to talk to is sometimes a blessing and sometimes a curse. Don’t get me wrong, as anyone who knows me can tell you, I do love to talk and I pretty much will talk about anything. Sometimes the folks talking to me also seem to want to talk about anything and sometimes it’s things I really don’t want to hear about! As a reporter interviewing a subject I’ve heard about exploits and secrets and I’ve actually turned to more than one person and asked “Would you prefer I don’t put that in the article?” It seems that most don’t even realize how much they’ve told me.

When friends and acquaintances have approached me because they “need to talk” I’ve been told secrets that they certainly don’t want anyone else to hear; I don’t ask to be told these things and even remind most that some things they should keep to themselves. I’m proud to say I haven’t spilled the beans on anyone yet! I’ve heard tales that would certainly have ramifications and cause a lot of family arguments. While I don’t think any of these secrets could be considered criminal, some have been whoppers and would definitely break families and a few even might cost some a job. Tempting though it may be to include of few of these tales, with names and circumstances changed to protect the “innocent”, I haven’t even included these tales in my fiction writing.

Yes, I like to think people enjoy speaking with me, but there is a drawback. A FEW of these people who have told me their secrets have become embarrassed thinking that they would be “caught” in their lies — as I said, I don’t tell others — but I imagine a few of them do worry, some even become a bit paranoid. And thus the drawback.

Please know, I would only break your confidences if it kept you from harm or harming someone else — otherwise, my lips are sealed.

A Matter of Privacy ~ #MondayBlogs

On one side of my family all of the older female relatives literally celebrated, via phone calls, every related teen-girl’s first menses (kind of ala The Red Tent). The other side of my family keeps things so private that even emergency hospitalizations aren’t shared outside of the immediate household until there’s a casual conversation after the release of the patient.

There has GOT to be some middle ground.

I truly believe that families have the right to know about serious health issues and semi-major family crises. You certainly don’t need to share bedroom “stuff”, salaries, spats between household members or things that are told to you in confidence by another family member (unless of course someone’s safety is involved). And when things go awry in life it definitely helps to talk out your angst with someone you can trust.

It was even suggested that if you really need to talk about something that is making you lose sleep, pay a therapist to listen instead of calling your sibling or a close cousin! While there is a time and place for therapy, most worries just need to be aired, a chance to vent, a chance to be coddled for a few minutes. I am not talking about calling a relative to overrule something the spouse wants to do, getting permission or plotting — I’m talking about keeping yourself from being tied up in knots with worry and upset.

I know of couples who won’t allow their spouse to even go to the doctor’s waiting room with them for an appointment, and I also know of couples who will only make appointments when their spouse is available to go with them to talk to the doctor together. Sadly I also know couples who won’ even share the results of crucial medical tests with each other. I used to ride an ambulance as an EMT and a few times I responded to a call where the other household members had no idea what medical conditions the patient had or why they were taking medications… undeniably sad and even a bit scary.

How much sharing is comfortable for you? How much privacy do you need?

I’ve often wondered how many of the “emergency contacts” on forms and in our phones actually have information about the person they are supposedly able to answer for. And why for gosh sakes would someone’s offspring think that mom and dad no longer worry about them even when they live out of the house?

Yes, I do agree that there are things that needn’t be discussed, but there is so much more that should be. Families especially need to be able to rely on one another even if they are under separate roofs. Even unrelated roommates need to know somethings about each other such as where they work and if (and where) they are headed off for a weekend of fun so that is SOMETHING, ANYTHNG unexpected happens, at least the police can get in touch when they need to!

To quote John Donne, “No Man Is an Island” and we cannot create walls as complete insulation between us. We each live, work and play with other human beings and there needs to be just a bit where the lines we draw around ourselves actually overlap and mingle. Honestly you shouldn’t surround yourself with folks that you can’t even trust enough to share who you are with.

I’d love to hear your opinions about privacy…

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Is this REALLY "Within the [Moral] Law"?????

As an author I frequently use "Google Alerts" to let me know if there is any new conversation about any of my books or even about me (as when a new article I wrote appears, etc)... so when I got today's "Google Alert - Within the Law" in my email I certainly looked. You see one of my novels is called Within the Law and while alerts often come through based just on the words and not my chosen topic, it CAN happen. Normally when an alert comes through that doesn't represent what I wanted to see I just delete it, but today a headline enclosed in the email really flabbergasted me:

State's Highest Court Says Taking 'Upskirt' Photos on the MBTA Is Within the Law

Boston magazine's Boston Daily (blog)

The “Peeping Tom” laws in Massachusetts only apply when people being
photographed unknowingly are either nude or partially nude in places like ...

WHAT?!

According to this article the Supreme Judicial Court in the State of Massachusetts ruled that "Because the MBTA is a public transit system operating in a public place and uses cameras, the two alleged victims here were not in a place and circumstance where they reasonably would or could have had an expectation of privacy," referring to an incident where a man took pictures up women's skirts on a public train without their knowledge or consent. The man wanted the "Peeping Tom" charge dropped, an appeal which was denied by a lower court in Boston, but was granted by the State's highest court.

In my opinion this is the equivalent of saying a woman asks for unsolicited and aggressive behavior because of what she wears or that just because someone says NO doesn't mean she means NO.

Personally I am furious. I believe I have the right to expect privacy regarding my body parts wherever clothing conceals or partially conceals such parts. 

If I am going through a TSA checkpoint at the airport, my expectation is to be wanded, passed through a metal detector and screened by Advanced Imaging Technology; if I prefer I can request to be patted down and wanded instead of the AIT. And if further inspection is required I expect it to be done in an area respecting and protecting my privacy. Taking an airplane ride and therefore having to pass through such inspections is my choice and my EXPECTATION.

If I am taking mass transit such as a city train to work, waiting on a line at a bank, or standing in a crowded elevator, it is NOT my expectation to allow a stranger to peek under my clothing (especially without my knowledge or consent) to see parts of my body that I should reasonably imagine to be PRIVATE merely for the stranger's unknown and possibly malevolent intentions.

Please forgive my rant, but I think we need to make our feelings of this ruling known before we loose all rights to the expectation of privacy and personal rights.

I am interesting in hearing what you think about this...

*****

Important Update to this story - 

Beacon Hill Officials Pass Legislation to Make Secret ‘Upskirt’ Photos Illegal

The expedited bill came in direct response to a controversial Supreme Judicial Court ruling.

Kudos to the Massachusetts Governor Deval Patrick for signing "An Act Relative to Unlawful Sexual Surveillance" into law in the State of Massachusetts. It's a shame that it takes a governor's signature to ensure decency and protect human rights.