Saturday, July 12, 2014

Tom meets Alli - Weekend Writing Warriors / #8sunday / 07/13/14

Hi! Welcome to another Weekend Writing Warrior round. Every week writers post 8 sentences on their blogs from a published or unpublished book. Then we "hop" around and leave comments on each other's snippets. Whether our work is already published or in progress, the helpful comments help us become stronger writers on our next WIP. We welcome EVERYONE's comments.

  
See more at the WeWriWa blog

Welcome to a snippet from Within the Law. The protagonist, Tom Hughes, was created in His Lucky Charm (formerly called Forgotten). Tom is cousin to the female main character in HLC. I fell in love with Tom, I think he might be my favorite hero from all of my books. His character and his history was so compelling that I HAD to write his story, one in which he has his own HEA.

While Tom is outside the bar, letting the night air sober him again, he hears a woman's sobbing. Investigating he finds a woman who's fallen and hurt her ankle. Despite his assumption that she is on the street at that late hour for less than honorable reasons, he tries to be gallant if not a bit pushy. When she stumbles again, Tom takes matters into his own hands, literally.

Sorry, I had to do a bit (ok, a lot) of creative punctuation & editing to make it fit:

“Put me down.”
“Yeah... sure,” he walked over to his car and put her down next to it, “you have your choice, I can drive you home or you can try to hobble along these dark streets by yourself. I can assure you I have no interest in attacking you; I can’t guarantee anyone else you might run into in this neighborhood at this hour.” 
She turned her head to look around, a few men stumbled out of the bar and headed in the opposite direction, “I don’t live far from here.” Their raucous laughter seemed to unnerve her; he noticed her slender hands which seemed much more suited to typing at a desk than defending herself on a dark urban street.
“So it won’t be a long drive,” he unlocked the passenger side door of his car and was pleased that he got the key in on the first try; he uttered silent thanks that his hands were steady enough and he wasn’t really feeling any of the affects of the alcohol, “by the way, my name is Tom.”
She sat in the car and just before he closed the door she cautiously smiled, “thank you Tom.” He couldn’t explain why, but he knew that was the kind of smile he would remember and enjoy.
 For more WeWriWa snippets, go to www.wewriwa.com

Tom gave up on ever falling in love again the day that he buried his high school sweetheart and fiancé. He started a career in law enforcement just so that he could find her murderer and rapist. Just when he is about to see justice done, he meets Alli Davis-the defense attorney for the murdering rapist who took his love from him.

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14 comments:

Millie Burns said...

What a crazy way for them to meet.

Chelle Cordero said...

Of course he has no idea who she is.

thepaperbutterfly said...

I know how scary it is to be a woman alone at night :( I've had more than one instance where I was scared for my life, and this woman was injured too. Glad he came to her rescue! Tom sounds like a sweetheart, and the heroic sort. I'm glad you explained her hesitation about getting in the car with him. I have been trained by my mother not to get in any stranger's car under any circumstances. It's clear that she is scared of the alternative, but I might like another line about why she is trusting him, unless it's obvious he's a cop. It's a bit tricky because this is from Tom's POV, so maybe she checks out his car before getting in? Or maybe she is just the trusting sort? Everything else was great and easy to read :) I'm really liking Tom :D Curious about why she was crying. . . Maybe I'll find out next week?

frankmfisher.net said...

Tom seems like a trustworthy guy and I think she should accept his offer. That doesn't seem like the best neighbourhood.

Joyce Lansky said...

Interesting scene. I'm assuming she's quite drunk if he had to carry her. I like your dialogue because it comes off as natural. I also like the way he notices her hands. Nice touch. Only suggestion, capitalize the t in "Thank you, Tom." Great last line.

http://joycelansky.blogspot.com/2014/07/weekend-writing-warriors-blog-hop-071314.html

homecomingbook said...

I assumed he carried her because her ankle was really injured, but she still seems to give her trust pretty easily.

Chelle Cordero said...

As we all know, 8 lines doesn't always give enough room for details. Her ankle and leg were pretty banged up from falling. Between the fact that she couldn't walk on her own, the hour and the neighborhood, I guess she was hoping he was being honest about helping her. Neither of them knows who the other is at this time.

Susan Berry said...

I want to know why she was crying and how she ended up hurting her ankle. I need to turn the page! Great snippet, Chelle...

Charmaine Gordon said...

Tom's a sweetheart, a natural hero. What's not to love a guy like him. As for her, she got lucky when he found her. This is a must read.

Chelle Cordero said...

Like I said, I truly think Tom is my favorite of all my heroes, and I basically fall in love with all of them, lol.

Frank C. Etier said...

She's trusting her heart.
They're off to a good start.

Veronica Scott said...

I really enjoyed the scene and Tom seems like a great guy, can't wait to read more! Excellent excerpt!

caitlinsternwrites said...

I certainly hope he's sober enough--an accident would not make the night any better. I really feel for that woman, having to decide which of two bad choices she has to take--the drunken men on a bad street, or a single man who may or may not be trustworthy.

Teresa Cypher said...

An interesting start, Chelle. You've packed a lot of information into a short space. :-) This looks like a HEA in the making. :-) Good 8. :-)