Saturday, July 19, 2014

The next time he sees Alli - Weekend Writing Warriors / #8sunday / 07/20/14

Hi! Welcome to another Weekend Writing Warrior round. Every week writers post 8 sentences on their blogs from a published or unpublished book. Then we "hop" around and leave comments on each other's snippets. Whether our work is already published or in progress, the helpful comments help us become stronger writers on our next WIP. We welcome EVERYONE's comments.

  
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Welcome to a snippet from Within the Law. The protagonist, Tom Hughes, was created in His Lucky Charm (formerly called Forgotten). Tom is cousin to the female main character in HLC. I fell in love with Tom, I think he might be my favorite hero from all of my books. His character and his history was so compelling that I HAD to write his story, one in which he has his own HEA.

Tom is finally in the courtroom and he is going to get a look at the lowlife he blames for murdering his high school sweetheart. I did quite a bit of creative punctuation so I apologize for run-on sentences. I thought it was important to get these 2 paragraphs in completely.

The District Attorney and his assistant were seated at the table up front on the left, he saw a small man seated between who he assumed to be two defense attorneys at the table on the right. The first lawyer was an older man with thinning gray hair and a suit that certainly had an expensive designer label; the other lawyer was a tall, blond haired woman, even from behind, she looked attractive and very well put together. When she turned her head, Tom recognized Alli; she didn’t see him.

He was incredulous that this was the same woman he had helped the night before, he had been concerned with protecting her from scum like the guy who killed Joyce and now she was sitting on the defense attorney side. She was defending that same scum and looking to send him back out on the street. He thought she was fragile and delicate, Alli was an attractive woman, she felt good in his arms; he felt as if he had betrayed Joyce, he hadn’t thought of her once while he had held Alli. For a brief time last night, Tom had thought of asking for her phone number and suggesting the possibility of seeing her again. Boy was he glad he hadn’t - and then he was sorry that he hadn’t. 
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Tom gave up on ever falling in love again the day that he buried his high school sweetheart and fiancé. He started a career in law enforcement just so that he could find her murderer and rapist. Just when he is about to see justice done, he meets Alli Davis-the defense attorney for the murdering rapist who took his love from him.


from a previous postAlpha, Beta or Gamma - My Heroes

The "Alpha Male" a.k.a. "Dukes of Slut", tends to be dominant, aggressive and in control.

A "Beta Male" is generally the "boy next door" and is more submissive to his female partner. Maybe more in touch with his "feminine side"?

And finally, the "Gamma Male" is an Alpha with a dark side.

Tom Hughes (Within the Law): Gamma. He's an authority figure and doesn't let you forget it. And he's got a temper that gets him into trouble. Tom also has a wild side and in his own words, he hasn't always done the right thing. He is a very physical man at work, around the house and in bed. He is not threatened by Alli's independence. His chosen career is a New York State Trooper.

What is YOUR favorite kind of hero?

13 comments:

Botanist said...

Oops! This could get a bit awkward next time they meet face to face!

Charmaine Gordon said...

Major conflict of interest going on and so poignant. You placed me right there in the courtroom, Chelle. Good eight.

Millie Burns said...

That sure would be a bit of a mind freak. Poor guy is very mixed up, and rightly so. In the future, I'd be careful of getting too creative with the punctuation. It's okay to share just the eight lines and leave out something that makes us want...no scream for more. All the run ons made it hard for me to read. (that's just my humble opinion).

thepaperbutterfly said...

This was an interesting twist! I was really surprised. I'm not going to comment on the grammar because you specified you had to change it a bit to fit everything in. I like the internal conflict Tom has. I like it when characters struggle with their thoughts. Makes them appear more human. I really enjoyed this excerpt ^^ Hoping next week is a continuation of this :D

Teresa Cypher said...

The last line is perfect for summing up his emotions. He is, but he isn't.

Meka James said...

I liked your 8. I got a good picture of the attorney as he sat waiting on court to start. When Alli seems him, I think it might be a bit awkward. Only thing, I didn't really feel the shock of the moment when he spotted her. Was that supposed to be a bigger deal to him?

Either way I look forward to the next 8 and this Alli's reaction to seeing Tom.

Cara Bristol said...

Well, that would be a shock. I'll bet he is glad he didn't ask her out.

Chelle Cordero said...

Thanks for your comments; I promise to try to keep it to a more natural 8 next week.

Meka James - with this being out of context we really don't hear about the slow simmer Tom has at realizing the "side" Alli is on.

At this point Tom is preoccupied with making the identification of the ring and knows he will be on the witness stand.

Victoria Davenport said...

Wow, this could get awkward very fast! Love the last line in particular, and how you set up the conflict. Very nice :)

homecomingbook said...

How strong is the evidence against the guy?

Veronica Scott said...

Vividly described scene and I certainly didn't see that twist coming at us - very well done! Great 8!

caitlinsternwrites said...

I can see why he wouldn't think of people being innocent, with his past... but it does happen.

And even a guilty person deserves a lawyer.

It's going to be exciting when they run into each other, for sure.

tinachristopherauthor.com said...

That is one rude awakening. Great tension.