Saturday, September 17, 2016

Opening Lines from Hyphema ~ Weekend Writing Warriors / #8sunday / 09/18/16

Hi! Welcome to another Weekend Writing Warrior and Snippet Sunday round. Every week writers post 8-to-10 sentences on their blogs from a published or unpublished book. Then we "hop" around and leave comments on each other's snippets. Whether our work is already published or in progress, the helpful comments help us become stronger writers on our next WIP. We welcome EVERYONE's comments.

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I'm sharing snippets from HYPHEMA, my second EMS novel. The hero in HYPHEMA was first introduced in Final Sin as the heroine's ambulance partner and best friend.

Matt Garratti, a paramedic from New York, moves his wife and son to North Carolina to work at his dream job as a flight medic. Pakistani born Sudah, his wife, receives frosty stares and insensitive comments from their new neighbors… Matt wonders if he is pursuing his dream or bringing his family into a nightmare from which they may never wake.

This snippet is from the beginning of the story.


Creative editing (a.k.a. condensed to fit) alert!  Here are Eight lines...  

Matt was looking down over the dark water as they were being buffeted by the winds.
“It’s always choppy over here,” shouted the pilot.
They had just finished their pre-flight check when they got banged out on an emergency transport job. the patient, a diabetic male in his forties, was in distress after being pinned under a car in a freakish accident, he needed immediate transport to a level one trauma center.
North Carolina’s Outer Banks had a reputation for beauty and serenity, Matt was thinking of taking Sudah and Aden there for a weekend jaunt soon.
The area was served by a state of the art hospital center so any injured or sick could be treated there without the hour-and-a-half commute a car would need, with a serious trauma, patients could at least be stabilized, and air transportation used to one of the trauma centers inland.
“Have you ever been out here before Matt?”
“Nope, first time,” Matt had not ventured far from New York where he grew up until he decided to move his family to North Carolina after a job offer from NC Air EMS.

~~~~~
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10 comments:

Charmaine Gordon said...

Beautiful beginning. What a story. Thank you.

Cara Bristol said...

Wonder if the choppy weather is symbolic of what is to come...

Veronica Scott said...

Interesting set up and I'd definitely keep reading this one - great snippet!

Elyzabeth M. VaLey said...

I'm curious to read more. Great snippet.

Christina Ochs said...

This sounds like a really interesting story concept, and this is a great beginning!

Ed Hoornaert said...

Very interesting setup, with many possible sources of conflict.

Elizabeth Alsobrooks said...

Something this way comes... Good setup!

Diane Burton said...

I, too, wondered if the choppy flight was indicative of the reception he and his family (esp. his wife) would get. Great beginning.

Amy Braun said...

Nice backstory and exposition!

Kim Magennis said...

Excellent storyline, Chelle. Am very intrigued by your title!