Hi! Welcome to another Weekend Writing Warrior and Snippet Sunday round. Every week writers post 8-to-10 sentences on their blogs from a published or unpublished book. Then we "hop" around and leave comments on each other's snippets. Whether our work is already published or in progress, the helpful comments help us become stronger writers on our next WIP. We welcome EVERYONE's comments.
A long, long time ago I shared a few snippets from my Paranormal Romantic Suspense, Karma Visited (only 5) - and we didn't get a full taste of this story. Today I am going back to the story.
Do you believe in karma? Annie Furman has a gift that allows her, while she sleeps, to visit people in their time of need - but who will be there for her when she needs help? Undersheriff Dave Turner is investigating a series of home invasions and homicides. He has no idea that solving this case will lead him to the woman of his dreams.
This is the opening scene. (warning, a bit of offensive language)
Creative editing alert! Here are eight lines...
Do you believe in karma? Annie Furman has a gift that allows her, while she sleeps, to visit people in their time of need - but who will be there for her when she needs help? Undersheriff Dave Turner is investigating a series of home invasions and homicides. He has no idea that solving this case will lead him to the woman of his dreams.
This is the opening scene. (warning, a bit of offensive language)
Creative editing alert! Here are eight lines...
“Sonovabitch!” He hissed the expletive out loud, it
was another dead end. It might have been more palatable if he didn’t know how
much fun the fuckers were having at his expense. This was the second home
invasion in less than a month, each time the perps left clues. The clues were
too obvious to be of any real value, it was more like a game to the intruders,
but they had to waste time checking them out just the same.
Dave looked around the small office, it didn’t look
like his foul language had even jostled his partner. Tim could sleep anywhere, he was leaning
back in his chair with his head flopped back. It was a good thing the guy
snored, at least you could tell he was still breathing, mused Dave.
~~~~~
For more WeWriWa Snippets, go to:
My life changed after
I died.
It’s not like I had
any special powers.
They just didn’t
understand me.
They underestimated
me.
I had a gift.
~~~~~
I'm writing a sequel to Karma Visited, the working title is Annie's Karma, so revisiting this story here in WeWriWa and SnippetSunday is a way to really immerse myself in the characters again. I welcome your comments as it will help me hone in on the characters.
This is the third time I've started the sequel... thanks to a computer going down I lost 16,000 words, I cried and stamped my feet, and then I started writing again. I'm sure you've all been there, done that - What Happened to My Manuscript?!!!! Well, thinking it was a faulty thumb drive, and running all kinds of maintenance scans on the machine, I got up to 12,000 words AND LOST THE DARN MANUSCRIPT AGAIN!
I realized I was having more problems with the darn machine and I was really getting frustrated. (Since I write for other periodicals for a living, I was losing much more than just AK)
A couple of weeks ago hubby bought me a new laptop and I started writing AK again, I'm up to 21,000 words — maybe that doesn't seem like a lot but after losing the first two attempts and thinking maybe "somebody up there" was trying to tell me something, I reworked parts of the story and I've actually now written a total, thanks to the three starts, of 49,000 words and only have the mere beginnings of the story. And this time I've learned not to even rely on external drives to save the work, I email it to myself every few days.
I don't think most people realize what a high-stress job being a writer actually is.
21 comments:
So funny about his partner. You can probably leave off the "mused Dave" since we already are in his POV and we figure it's his inner thought. Good snippet, Chelle, and good luck with the new laptop. :)
Enjoyed the snippet and learning a bit about his partner.I'm curious to know who's behind the home invasions.
I always enjoy how varied your stories are, Chelle. This promises to be another winner. Very catchy start!
I always enjoy how varied your stories are, Chelle. This promises to be another winner. Very catchy start!
Gritty excerpt...enjoyed it! The snoring partner reminds me of my dad, who can also sleep anywhere and through anything. :-)
Nice starting point -- with the crime. That works well. I would take out "out loud." If it's in quotes and he's hissing, it's obviously aloud.
I'm wondering what kind of obvious clues the perps are leaving.
I kinda liked the colorful language. Gets us into Dave's head. Great start, Chelle.
Yes, you have to write dialogue the way the character talks. If they cuss, they cuss. Interesting premise to this story, and I love the cover. Good luck with the new laptop!
~Joyce Scarbrough
Fine critique here. No need to say more. I'd enrich what invaders grabbed. The same items, varied, all jewelry or goods easily pawned. Were people hurt, tortured, raped? All good info to paint a picture.
This bit gives us a great window into Dave's character!
LOL! Love the line about the partner's snoring. (I feel the same way about my hubby some nights. Until I start thinking about putting a pillow over his face.) And the language was perfect for the character and situation. Makes it believable. Nice snippet!
So the partner is asleep on the job. That's a nice touch.
I'm with Paula on the language, Chelle. Don't cheat the reader, If foul language improves the scene, then never leave it out just because it's foul.
Wonderful snippet, by the way. A good glimpse into how his mind works. :-)
Nice slice of life snippet. His partner must be so used to his swearing and etc, if he sleep right through it. Great excerpt, puts me right into the story, wondering abut those taunting clues.
Home invaders who toy with the cops, eh? I suspect that in the long run, the smart alecs will end up not being quite as smart as they think.
Sounds like his partner isn't much help!
Oh, nobody likes a smart-aleck criminal. Hopefully he gets a useful clue soon!
Ha! Not much help the partner is, huh? No one does like the smart aleck criminals though that play games. No wonder he's swearing. I would be too.
Wonder who is behind these home invasions? Loved knowing a bit about his partner.
That's so weird, it's almost as if the home invaders want to be found but mess up their message.
Nice start ... and good introduction to the characters. Look forward to reading more.
Post a Comment