There are those of us who hide
invisible illness, chronic conditions, pain and fatigue as much as we can. No
matter how we hide sometimes it is unavoidable and it’s frustrating when the
invisibility turns you into what others may assume is a hypochondriac or just
lazy. We function at home, in jobs, with our families or running errands
around town, and we don’t look for excuses…
But sometimes the pain or fatigue
gets to us and we need a little time to recoup, to rest, to let an analgesic
help a bit, or to simply catch our breath and those are the times when someone,
usually well meaning, comes along and suggests that perhaps we should get to
bed earlier, or keep moving to stretch the muscles, or not need so many
bathroom breaks, and many more bits of advice. The truth is that no one else,
unless they’ve been there, understands what we go through and sometimes it
actually hurts when they tease and call us lazy or slow. These same people do
mean well but unless they see a cane, a wheelchair, a placard in our car window
or other aids to help a person function, they just don’t understand.
None of us wants to wear a banner
across our chests or announce to perfect strangers what our invisible condition
may be. Our invisible conditions aren’t contagious (if they are we know how to
protect the people around us), they don’t make us any less of a functioning and
contributing adult; some children also suffer from invisible conditions. These
syndromes can make us weak, cause pain, make us dizzy, short of breath, hungry,
thirsty, and make us so tired we can’t keep our eyes open. Most times we manage
our symptoms and if we are lucky some of us can even forget for a brief period
that we have a “condition” — maybe that’s why it’s so easy for others not to
realize that sometimes the symptoms do get the best of us.
The following is not a complete list
but includes some of the types of conditions that are not obvious to others: depression,
anxiety, Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, Epstein Barr, Chronic Fatigue, Fibromyalgia, Celiac
Disease, diabetes, cardiac abnormalities, migraines, Crohn’s disease, narcolepsy,
food allergies, arthritis, PKD, hypoglycemia, colitis, IBS, epilepsy, Lyme Disease,
Lupus, asthma, Meniere's Disease, phobias, hyper/hypo-active thyroid, and many
more. Most laypeople reading this partial list will not be familiar with most,
if any, of these conditions. There are even several doctors who are unfamiliar
with the presenting symptoms and there is often misdiagnosis. Sometimes the
patient is even told that it is all in his/her mind.
While many with chronic conditions
have developed coping skills and can manage work and other activities with
little interruption, some people do need extra consideration, and some cannot
manage to take care of their home without help or hold down jobs. According to
the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990 (ADA) “an individual with a
disability is a person who: Has a physical or mental impairment that
substantially limits one or more major life activities; has a record of such an
impairment; or is regarded as having such an impairment.” There may be
provisions to help an individual but many of us know that if we let a potential
employer know that there may be days we won’t be up to doing our jobs the
chances of being hired go down, so we don’t put our invisible condition on
record. …when we call out sick too many days, well you have an idea of what
happens.
The next time you see someone waiting
for an elevator just to go one floor, or parking in a handicapped spot (WITH a proper
placard) but doesn’t “appear” disabled, or someone asks for help to carry
something (and you can help), or even just walks slowly, please don’t be so
quick to criticize. Realize that maybe that person coming out of the
handicapped stall in the bathroom needed the higher seat because of a back
problem. And just because you saw your co-worker dancing at the holiday party
it doesn’t mean that he/she can do the walking at the company golf-outing, it
just may be an off day. While admittedly there will always be someone who
cheats and takes advantage, most people do what they are capable of and know
when they need a little help. While some people with an invisible illness may
feel comfortable in letting you know about it, they are not obligated to prove
anything to you.
To your health!
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