Saturday, May 30, 2015

Seize the opportunity - Weekend Writing Warriors / #8sunday / 05/31/15

Hi! Welcome to another Weekend Writing Warrior round. Every week writers post 8 sentences on their blogs from a published or unpublished book. Then we "hop" around and leave comments on each other's snippets. Whether our work is already published or in progress, the helpful comments help us become stronger writers on our next WIP. We welcome EVERYONE's comments.

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My entry this week is from Common Bond, Tangled Hearts. Layne Gillette’s world is turned upside down when a man she has never met shows up to lay claim as the father of her 6-year old son. 

Justin ventures back the next morning to find that Layne overslept and Dennis missed the school bus. He seizes the opportunity and offers to drive him, obviously Layne comes along. This conversation takes place after they drop Dennis off at his school.

...and now the eight nine ten:


"I take it there's no man in his life," Justin said quietly. He wondered if there was any man in her life either, but he didnt feel that he had that right to ask, not yet.

"No there isn't and he's done just fine," she retorted angrily.

"Hey, I'm not criticizing; I'm just trying to learn a little more about him."

"Why?"

"Because he's my son."

"No, that's your sperm donation; he's my son, not yours."

Layne, we really do need to talk."

"There is nothing to talk about, you jerked off in some cup or something seven years ago, that's the total extent of your involvement here, you can't have him!"

Justin pulled the car over to the curb and stopped, "do you think I'm here to try to take him away from you?"


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About Common Bond, Tangled Hearts

Layne Gillette’s world is turned upside down when a man she has never met shows up to lay claim as the father of her 6-year old son.
Justin, the victim of a fraternity prank, and Layne, the subject of a forced insemination, have produced a beautiful child that they are both willing to protect… at all costs.
The two parents realize they can love each other, but when Layne’s abusive “ex-husband” shows up, they are torn apart by danger, kidnapping and lies. Justin won’t give up until Layne is returned to him. Layne uses her newfound strength, courage and knowledge to defy Charlie’s ugliest demands.



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19 comments:

Iris Blobel said...

such a difficult situation for both of them. I can understand both their point of views. Great snippet!

P.T.Wyant said...

Love the emotion in this snippet, especially the "he's my son, not yours."

As far as she's concerned, they were just fine without him, so if he isn't trying to take him away from her then why is he there? I can't wait to hear the answer...

Teresa Cypher said...

Wonderful, emotional exchange, Chelle. The dialogue is very natural and very real. I love her retort that he jerked off in a cup and that's his involvement. Nicely done!

Linda said...

The plot thickens. She is totally right, he needs an ass kick and to get out of here even if he didn't want to come in the first place. Especially because he didn't want to come in the first place.

Frank Fisher said...

Great dialogue exchange. I think Justin has a right to his son even if he was a sperm donor. Layne should be more considerate.

Sarah W said...

This just gets more and more interesting, Chelle!

I can't wait to see where this goes next... :)

Charmaine Gordon said...

Is he entitled or not? They'll work it out. Your story is fascinating and different. Maybe the boy will have the answer. Suspense.

Sara Barnard said...

Wow, how emotionally charged! Let's see what happens next and what everyone is really after!

Karen Michelle Nutt said...

What an awkward way to meet for both of them. I can see why she would feel threatened by him showing up out of the blue. I curious how he'll handle all this. I hoping for a good outcome for all of them.

Veronica Scott said...

At least they're talking! A lot more to say of course. Very intriguing story, another effective excerpt!

Ed Hoornaert said...

She does have a point, it seems; his involvement is minimal in the extreme. It makes me wonder what's going on inside of him that he acts this way.

Ashley York said...

Oh my. I think I see where she's coming from but luckily he is very astute. He's nailed it on the head.

Elaine Cantrell said...

I think I'd worry about the same thing when this stranger showed up.

caitlinsternwrites said...

I feel her pain--and panic, but I can understand his concern, too. A good person takes responsibility for the lives they bring into this world, after all.

Cecilia Corona said...

I feel the same as Elaine. Great scene.

Author, Neva Rodriguez said...

Ooh, that snippet describes a rough scenario. I used to worry that my oldest's father would come back and try to take him from me, so for me the emotion in the scene is very relatable. Great work!

Eden "Kymele" Mabee said...

I guess I can see why Layne is uncertain, but... unless Justin has suggested he wants to take the boy away, she's being excessively harsh. Does she want to deny her son the chance to know more about where he came from? Does it really hurt for them to talk?

Chelle Cordero said...

They have both been dealt a lousy set of circumstances. He only just found out. She has demons that give her reason to be scared. More will be revealed next week.

JTsuruoka said...

That last question is the biggie, isn't it? Intense stuff, Chelle.