Hi! Welcome to another Weekend Writing Warrior round. Every week writers post 8 sentences on their blogs from a published or unpublished book. Then we "hop" around and leave comments on each other's snippets. Whether our work is already published or in progress, the helpful comments help us become stronger writers on our next WIP. We welcome EVERYONE's comments.
Justin ventures back the next morning to find that Layne overslept and Dennis missed the school bus. He seizes the opportunity and offers to drive him, obviously Layne comes along. This conversation takes place after they drop Dennis off at his school.
...and now the
"I
take it there's no man in his life," Justin said quietly. He wondered if
there was any man in her life either, but he didn’t feel that he had that
right to ask, not yet.
"No
there isn't and he's done just fine," she retorted angrily.
"Hey,
I'm not criticizing; I'm just trying to learn a little more about him."
"Why?"
"Because
he's my son."
"No,
that's your… sperm donation; he's my son, not yours."
“Layne, we really do need to talk."
"There
is nothing to talk about, you jerked off in some cup or something seven years
ago, that's the total extent of your involvement here, you can't have
him!"
Justin
pulled the car over to the curb and stopped, "do you think I'm here to try
to take him away from you?"
For more WeWriWa Snippets, go to:
About Common Bond, Tangled Hearts
Layne Gillette’s world is turned upside down when a man she has never met shows up to lay claim as the father of her 6-year old son.
Justin, the victim of a fraternity prank, and Layne, the subject of a forced insemination, have produced a beautiful child that they are both willing to protect… at all costs.
The two parents realize they can love each other, but when Layne’s abusive “ex-husband” shows up, they are torn apart by danger, kidnapping and lies. Justin won’t give up until Layne is returned to him. Layne uses her newfound strength, courage and knowledge to defy Charlie’s ugliest demands.
~~~~~~~~
19 comments:
such a difficult situation for both of them. I can understand both their point of views. Great snippet!
Love the emotion in this snippet, especially the "he's my son, not yours."
As far as she's concerned, they were just fine without him, so if he isn't trying to take him away from her then why is he there? I can't wait to hear the answer...
Wonderful, emotional exchange, Chelle. The dialogue is very natural and very real. I love her retort that he jerked off in a cup and that's his involvement. Nicely done!
The plot thickens. She is totally right, he needs an ass kick and to get out of here even if he didn't want to come in the first place. Especially because he didn't want to come in the first place.
Great dialogue exchange. I think Justin has a right to his son even if he was a sperm donor. Layne should be more considerate.
This just gets more and more interesting, Chelle!
I can't wait to see where this goes next... :)
Is he entitled or not? They'll work it out. Your story is fascinating and different. Maybe the boy will have the answer. Suspense.
Wow, how emotionally charged! Let's see what happens next and what everyone is really after!
What an awkward way to meet for both of them. I can see why she would feel threatened by him showing up out of the blue. I curious how he'll handle all this. I hoping for a good outcome for all of them.
At least they're talking! A lot more to say of course. Very intriguing story, another effective excerpt!
She does have a point, it seems; his involvement is minimal in the extreme. It makes me wonder what's going on inside of him that he acts this way.
Oh my. I think I see where she's coming from but luckily he is very astute. He's nailed it on the head.
I think I'd worry about the same thing when this stranger showed up.
I feel her pain--and panic, but I can understand his concern, too. A good person takes responsibility for the lives they bring into this world, after all.
I feel the same as Elaine. Great scene.
Ooh, that snippet describes a rough scenario. I used to worry that my oldest's father would come back and try to take him from me, so for me the emotion in the scene is very relatable. Great work!
I guess I can see why Layne is uncertain, but... unless Justin has suggested he wants to take the boy away, she's being excessively harsh. Does she want to deny her son the chance to know more about where he came from? Does it really hurt for them to talk?
They have both been dealt a lousy set of circumstances. He only just found out. She has demons that give her reason to be scared. More will be revealed next week.
That last question is the biggie, isn't it? Intense stuff, Chelle.
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