I Understand ~ #MondayBlogs

It becomes a “thing” that simply rolls off of your tongue: I’m sorry for your loss; I’m sorry you don’t feel well; I’m sorry that you got hurt; I’m sorry… And even when you try to express genuine concern, often the words sound empty. Your words are usually appreciated, you’re being polite, but are your voiced sentiments really helping anyone? Too many people make polite conversation that they are never really engaged in.

There is a big difference about being polite and reaching out to offer comfort. Empathy is when you try to imagine what the person is feeling. It doesn’t matter if you never experienced what they are going through, we have all had times when we’ve been sad, scared, or under the weather. Even if you have experienced a similar situation your reactions are not going to be the same, but you should still understand and relate to the emotion your friend is feeling.

Don’t belittle or minimize someone’s emotions. Depending on the situation you may be tempted to take their feelings away, to discount them unintentionally. You tell someone who just lost a parent who lived to a ripe old age that he was old, he lived a long time, and wow you know people who never were so lucky to have their parents around for so long. Or you let your girlfriend know how much better she is without the bum that just walked out on her. Or you tell the woman who just miscarried that she should be relieved because it was nature’s way of fixing a mistake. (I’ve heard people saying these things to others). These kind of phrases demean the feelings and even though you may not try to hurt someone intentionally it does hurt.

It’s okay to say I understand you’re sad, you’re hurt, or I understand that this seems scary. It’s even okay to say “I’ve been there” so long as you don’t make it all about yourself. Letting someone know that they are not alone in what they are going through can be kind, but not if you ignore their needs.

Compassion is more than just putting yourself in their shoes and empathizing with their pain. Compassion is saying you’re sorry for whatever they are going through, letting them know you understand, and then being there for them to talk, to lend a shoulder, and to help them through the tough days wherever you can. When you can put it all together… words to understanding to being supportive, that is when you are being a true friend.

When you are able to show compassion you are putting someone else’s needs before your own and you can take pride in being able to help someone in pain.

...

Let's go paintballing ~ SNIPPET SUNDAY, Oct. 29-30, 2016

Hi! Welcome to another Weekend Writing Warrior and Snippet Sunday round. Every week writers post 8-to-10 sentences on their blogs from a published or unpublished book. Then we "hop" around and leave comments on each other's snippets. Whether our work is already published or in progress, the helpful comments help us become stronger writers on our next WIP. We welcome EVERYONE's comments.

See more at the
Facebook Snippet Sunday group

& check out the

WeWriWa blog

I'm sharing snippets from HYPHEMA, my second EMS novel. The hero in HYPHEMA was first introduced in Final Sin as the heroine's ambulance partner and best friend.

Matt Garratti, a paramedic from New York, moves his wife and son to North Carolina to work at his dream job as a flight medic. Pakistani born Sudah, his wife, receives frosty stares and insensitive comments from their new neighbors… Matt wonders if he is pursuing his dream or bringing his family into a nightmare from which they may never wake.

Matt and his co-workers talk at a get together, it will be the first time Matt's new co-workers will be meeting his wife.

Creative editing (a.k.a. condensed to fit) alert!    

“Hey guys,” Frankie spoke up, “how’z about some paintball this weekend, it’ll be a good chance for Matt and his wife to meet the crowd.”

"Ginny and I won't be able to make it, sorry guys, her folks are coming down," Big John waved off the beginnings of a protest, "but you four go ahead; besides this way we can save the best for last, Ginny and I will meet Matt's wife some other time."

Matt shrugged, “I’d have to make sure we can get a sitter for the baby.”

“My daughter will do it,” Little John made the offer.

“Thanks, I’ll speak to Sudah.”

Frankie leaned forward, “what kind of name is Sudah?”

“She’s from Pakistan.”

“Sounds exotic,” Little John raised his eyebrows comically, “she pretty?”

Matt nodded.

“Looking forward to meeting her.”

~~~~~

For more WeWriWa Snippets, go to: 

www.wewriwa.com

Hyphema: Bleeding in the eye caused by trauma…

Buy Links

KINDLE

AMAZON PRINT

NOOK

B&N PRINT

APPLE

KOBO

SCRIBD

INKTERRA 

SMASHWORDS

AUDIOBOOK

FREE
Book Club Discussion Packet

REVIEWS

 A Non-Stop Thriller that Will Leave You Longing for More by Tracy Riva

  Nobody Writes It Better by Charmaine Gordon

I would read another one of her stories by Marcia

#####

Believing in Santa

A Holiday Short Story

 by Chelle Cordero

Dini didn’t want to think about her past. And, Seth wasn’t thinking about anything but his past. Thrown together as Santa and his Number One Elf at the homeless shelter, Dini and Seth seem to be on opposite sides… of everything. Her past is catching up to her, and Seth may risk his future to protect her.

99¢ e-books

Kindle

Nook

Smashwords

Apple

The truth about lying ~ #MondayBlogs

Most people have lied, some more than others. Children lie to their parents when they are afraid of punishment. Students lie to their teacher hoping for mercy about their forgotten homework. Teens lie to their peers to be popular. A young man lies to a beautiful woman because he is trying to impress her. A wife lies to her husband because she kissed another man. A young executive lies to her boss because she wants a promotion. And on it goes.

Most lies seem harmless, most lies are for self-preservation, and most are not meant to hurt anyone. Some lies are told to be kind, to build someone’s confidence and make them feel good about themselves. Sometimes the person telling a lie doesn’t realize that it’s an untruth because his perception of an event is different than someone else’s. Unfortunately some of these lies do hurt no matter how unintentional. Some lies, once uttered, become constant because the person who lied is afraid of being discovered. And sometimes a lie is told so often that the person forgets that it is a lie. Many times people are not even aware of how often they lie because it has just become a way of life.

Pathological liars become so entangled with their lie that it becomes compulsive. The lie might not even be believable; I once knew a man who bragged about his service during the Viet Nam war and a battle he fought in — he was twelve years old at the time of the battle, but he told it so often that he began to believe it. Why would someone lie about something so impossible? Perhaps he felt he disappointed his military father and even after his father died he needed to live up to expectations? Even when circumstances exposed the lie he was living time and time again, it only took a few days before he was telling someone else his grandiose story. It was never a lie to intentionally hurt someone (although it did offend some true vets), it was because he needed to feel better about himself.

Malicious lies can be literal weapons. We see politicians lie about their opponents. There are lies to further oneself by claiming credit for someone else’s achievement. A women might tell her friend that the man they are both interested in has said he doesn’t like the friend in order to clear her own way. There is also purposeful concealment like when an ad exec purposely withholds the information that a presentation was moved up to cut down on the competition. And then there are mean-natured rumors designed to ruin someone’s reputation, lots of times these are done out of jealousy and low-self-esteem.

Most people who lie have a “tell” — a smile that doesn’t reach their eyes, talking while looking away from you, nervous movements... If you know the person well enough you begin to recognize the signs. Dealing with a liar also varies with how close a relationship you have or want to have with the person. When it’s a minor relatively harmless lie it’s best not to react and not embellish by asking for more information or retelling the story. If it is a more serious lie you can confront, but not attack, the lie. Remember that most lies stem from fear or insecurity so try not to demean the person even if you feel the need to let them know you know they are lying. Again your relationship should serve as a guide as to how you react.

When it comes to the malicious lie you need to be much more careful. No one has the right to cause you harm, not coworkers, not strangers and certainly not family. These lies need to be confronted preferably with proof and if necessary with witnesses. If the lies cause you loss of employment or residence, see a lawyer to find out what you can do legally to protect yourself. Needless to say the person who looks to do you harm is someone to be avoided if at all possible. And if the individual is a family member that you don’t want to lose, suggest counseling (be willing to attend group counseling if requested).

...

Laughter in the crew room ~ SNIPPET SUNDAY, Oct. 22-23, 2016

Hi! Welcome to another Weekend Writing Warrior and Snippet Sunday round. Every week writers post 8-to-10 sentences on their blogs from a published or unpublished book. Then we "hop" around and leave comments on each other's snippets. Whether our work is already published or in progress, the helpful comments help us become stronger writers on our next WIP. We welcome EVERYONE's comments.

See more at the
Facebook Snippet Sunday group

& check out the

WeWriWa blog

I'm sharing snippets from HYPHEMA, my second EMS novel. The hero in HYPHEMA was first introduced in Final Sin as the heroine's ambulance partner and best friend.

Matt Garratti, a paramedic from New York, moves his wife and son to North Carolina to work at his dream job as a flight medic. Pakistani born Sudah, his wife, receives frosty stares and insensitive comments from their new neighbors… Matt wonders if he is pursuing his dream or bringing his family into a nightmare from which they may never wake.

Matt and his partner come into an ongoing conversation in the EMS crew room, there's lots of laughter over a call another crew just took. (note: EMS humor is often a way to relieve the tension of the job)

Creative editing (a.k.a. condensed to fit) alert!    

“Wee-oh, talk about somebody from the dead coming back and biting you in the ass,” the crew room was filled with laughter as Matt and Tony walked in, “when I called it into the hospital I said that there were two patients but the other one refused medical assistance.”

Tony offered Matt a can of soda from the counter, “what’s going on?”

Little John answered between chuckles, “Big John and I were dispatched to a one car M.V.A., the guy didn’t hit anything, the car was just sitting there in the middle of the road. Seems a dog ran out in front of him and he hit the brakes, well the dog got away, but the guy in the back comes forward and hits him in the back of his seat.”

“And this is the best part,” Big John guffawed, “the patient was driving a delivery truck for the funeral home, the guy in the back was a stiff in a body bag!”

“I really wanted to check the vitals on the guy in the bag, but with my luck I would’ve unzipped the bag and the stiff would have sat up.”

“I wonder if we could have collected on two patients.”

“I mean the driver definitely got hurt, he really got hit in the back hard, but I want to hear how he explains that injury to his friends.”

  

~~~~~

For more WeWriWa Snippets, go to: 

www.wewriwa.com

Hyphema: Bleeding in the eye caused by trauma…

Buy Links

KINDLE

AMAZON PRINT

NOOK

B&N PRINT

APPLE

KOBO

SCRIBD

INKTERRA 

SMASHWORDS

AUDIOBOOK

FREE
Book Club Discussion Packet

REVIEWS

 A Non-Stop Thriller that Will Leave You Longing for More by Tracy Riva

  Nobody Writes It Better by Charmaine Gordon

I would read another one of her stories by Marcia

#####

Being Invisible ~ #MondayBlogs

There are those of us who hide invisible illness, chronic conditions, pain and fatigue as much as we can. No matter how we hide sometimes it is unavoidable and it’s frustrating when the invisibility turns you into what others may assume is a hypochondriac or just lazy. We function at home, in jobs, with our families or running errands around town, and we don’t look for excuses…

But sometimes the pain or fatigue gets to us and we need a little time to recoup, to rest, to let an analgesic help a bit, or to simply catch our breath and those are the times when someone, usually well meaning, comes along and suggests that perhaps we should get to bed earlier, or keep moving to stretch the muscles, or not need so many bathroom breaks, and many more bits of advice. The truth is that no one else, unless they’ve been there, understands what we go through and sometimes it actually hurts when they tease and call us lazy or slow. These same people do mean well but unless they see a cane, a wheelchair, a placard in our car window or other aids to help a person function, they just don’t understand.

None of us wants to wear a banner across our chests or announce to perfect strangers what our invisible condition may be. Our invisible conditions aren’t contagious (if they are we know how to protect the people around us), they don’t make us any less of a functioning and contributing adult; some children also suffer from invisible conditions. These syndromes can make us weak, cause pain, make us dizzy, short of breath, hungry, thirsty, and make us so tired we can’t keep our eyes open. Most times we manage our symptoms and if we are lucky some of us can even forget for a brief period that we have a “condition” — maybe that’s why it’s so easy for others not to realize that sometimes the symptoms do get the best of us.

The following is not a complete list but includes some of the types of conditions that are not obvious to others: depression, anxiety, Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, Epstein Barr, Chronic Fatigue, Fibromyalgia, Celiac Disease, diabetes, cardiac abnormalities, migraines, Crohn’s disease, narcolepsy, food allergies, arthritis, PKD, hypoglycemia, colitis, IBS, epilepsy, Lyme Disease, Lupus, asthma, Meniere's Disease, phobias, hyper/hypo-active thyroid, and many more. Most laypeople reading this partial list will not be familiar with most, if any, of these conditions. There are even several doctors who are unfamiliar with the presenting symptoms and there is often misdiagnosis. Sometimes the patient is even told that it is all in his/her mind.

While many with chronic conditions have developed coping skills and can manage work and other activities with little interruption, some people do need extra consideration, and some cannot manage to take care of their home without help or hold down jobs. According to the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990 (ADA) “an individual with a disability is a person who: Has a physical or mental impairment that substantially limits one or more major life activities; has a record of such an impairment; or is regarded as having such an impairment.” There may be provisions to help an individual but many of us know that if we let a potential employer know that there may be days we won’t be up to doing our jobs the chances of being hired go down, so we don’t put our invisible condition on record. …when we call out sick too many days, well you have an idea of what happens.

The next time you see someone waiting for an elevator just to go one floor, or parking in a handicapped spot (WITH a proper placard) but doesn’t “appear” disabled, or someone asks for help to carry something (and you can help), or even just walks slowly, please don’t be so quick to criticize. Realize that maybe that person coming out of the handicapped stall in the bathroom needed the higher seat because of a back problem. And just because you saw your co-worker dancing at the holiday party it doesn’t mean that he/she can do the walking at the company golf-outing, it just may be an off day. While admittedly there will always be someone who cheats and takes advantage, most people do what they are capable of and know when they need a little help. While some people with an invisible illness may feel comfortable in letting you know about it, they are not obligated to prove anything to you.

To your health!

...

A chilly morning ~ #SnippetSunday 10/16/2016

Hi! Welcome to another Weekend Writing Warrior and Snippet Sunday round. Every week writers post 8-to-10 sentences on their blogs from a published or unpublished book. Then we "hop" around and leave comments on each other's snippets. Whether our work is already published or in progress, the helpful comments help us become stronger writers on our next WIP. We welcome EVERYONE's comments.

See more at the
Facebook Snippet Sunday group

& check out the

WeWriWa blog

I'm sharing snippets from HYPHEMA, my second EMS novel. The hero in HYPHEMA was first introduced in Final Sin as the heroine's ambulance partner and best friend.

Matt Garratti, a paramedic from New York, moves his wife and son to North Carolina to work at his dream job as a flight medic. Pakistani born Sudah, his wife, receives frosty stares and insensitive comments from their new neighbors… Matt wonders if he is pursuing his dream or bringing his family into a nightmare from which they may never wake.

Matt is dressed and ready for work - just a bit of conversation between him and his wife..

Creative editing (a.k.a. condensed to fit) alert!  Here are Ten lines...  

Damn that’s good. The hot coffee sliding down his gullet was welcomed to ward off the chilly morning, Matt stared out the kitchen window and noticed droplets of ice crystals against the pane, it was early and still dark outside.

Delicate brown arms wound around his waist.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” Matt covered both of his wife’s hands with one of his own; maybe it was the early spring chill in the air, but he really wanted to crawl back into bed with her.

“I wanted to be awake with you,” Sudah snuggled under his arm and slid against his body until she was facing him. She gently ran a hand up the crisp uniform shirt until she touched his shield, “You look so handsome in your uniform, I am very proud to be married to such a hero.”

Matt chuckled, Sudah never missed an opportunity to praise him and bolster his ego, “I love you, do you want me to light the stove for you before I leave, it’ll help warm the place up a bit.”

“No, I will take care of it later if I need to, I do not want to leave it burning until I am ready to be in here.”

Matt loved the old wood stove that sat in the corner of the kitchen, it threw heat into the living area and was great defense against the early morning dampness.

She looked at the clock and reminded him that he had to get going if he was to get to work on time.

  

~~~~~

For more WeWriWa Snippets, go to: 

www.wewriwa.com

Hyphema: Bleeding in the eye caused by trauma…

Buy Links

KINDLE

AMAZON PRINT

NOOK

B&N PRINT

APPLE

KOBO

SCRIBD

INKTERRA 

SMASHWORDS

AUDIOBOOK

FREE
Book Club Discussion Packet

REVIEWS

 A Non-Stop Thriller that Will Leave You Longing for More by Tracy Riva

  Nobody Writes It Better by Charmaine Gordon

I would read another one of her stories by Marcia

#####

(this snippet is being re-posted since the link wasn't available last week)

Renewal ~ #MondayBlogs

We’re in the middle the Jewish holidays, last week was Rosh Hashanah (beginning of the Jewish New Year) and this coming week is Yom Kippur. Traditionally most people who observe the holiday take time off from work to pray and reflect on their actions, to ask forgiveness for slights don to others (intentionally or unintentionally) and to forgive those who might have slighted us.

I’ve been lucky (workwise) in recent months and have dealt with multiple deadlines; so my first reaction after sundown the second day of Rosh Hashanah as I hurried back to my desk (yes I work from home) was thinking that I LOST two days I could have worked! And then I caught myself… I hadn’t lost anything, I reflected on who I was and who I was trying to be. The self-reflection helped me to learn WHY I did the work I do, it helped me to understand what my priorities are.

In addition to the peacefulness I feel after making earnest attempts to forgive others that I had been angered or hurt by, I also have gained valuable time in my life that isn’t wasted by tears and resentment. My reflection has forced me to face my own failings and has given me the encouragement to be better, kinder, and more productive. The time I spent in prayer and thought also made realize all the people in my life and all the things I have that I am so very grateful for.

I can’t promise to always think before I act or speak, and I can’t be sure I will always react kinder and fairer when something or someone “rubs me wrong”, but I know it is important to try. If one ten-day period (the Days of Awe) were enough to guarantee improvement, we wouldn’t need this yearly ritual. The ten day period between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur is a time for self-reflection, repentance and renewal. The process of our atonement concludes with Yom Kippur which this year begins this Tuesday at sundown and goes through Wednesday at sundown.

There is irony in our New Year’s observance; Rosh Hashanah actually begins on the first day of the seventh month. There are three other New Year observances on the Jewish calendar but Rosh Hashanah is the most major and yet all that makes it most unique is the blowing of the shofar and preceding Yom Kippur so closely. The shofar, a ram’s horn, allows each listener to interpret the message they hear, a patterned series of blasts that seems to reach into our hearts and minds. This is a period of renewal, we figuratively wipe the slate clean.

I gave myself some extra time before resuming my work and when I did start again I felt less pressure and in a happier mood. And even though I was much closer to deadlines… I didn’t miss a single one.

It’s important to take a few steps back now and then, to take a look at ourselves, re-organize our priorities, be more accepting of others, and be thankful for what we have. It definitely makes for a nicer life.

click here to hear the Shofar

A chilly morning ~ Weekend Writing Warriors / #8sunday / 10/09/16

Hi! Welcome to another Weekend Writing Warrior and Snippet Sunday round. Every week writers post 8-to-10 sentences on their blogs from a published or unpublished book. Then we "hop" around and leave comments on each other's snippets. Whether our work is already published or in progress, the helpful comments help us become stronger writers on our next WIP. We welcome EVERYONE's comments.

See more at the
WeWriWa blog

& check out the

Facebook Snippet Sunday group

I'm sharing snippets from HYPHEMA, my second EMS novel. The hero in HYPHEMA was first introduced in Final Sin as the heroine's ambulance partner and best friend.

Matt Garratti, a paramedic from New York, moves his wife and son to North Carolina to work at his dream job as a flight medic. Pakistani born Sudah, his wife, receives frosty stares and insensitive comments from their new neighbors… Matt wonders if he is pursuing his dream or bringing his family into a nightmare from which they may never wake.

Matt is dressed and ready for work - just a bit of conversation between him and his wife..

Creative editing (a.k.a. condensed to fit) alert!  Here are Ten lines...  

Damn that’s good. The hot coffee sliding down his gullet was welcomed to ward off the chilly morning, Matt stared out the kitchen window and noticed droplets of ice crystals against the pane, it was early and still dark outside.

Delicate brown arms wound around his waist.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” Matt covered both of his wife’s hands with one of his own; maybe it was the early spring chill in the air, but he really wanted to crawl back into bed with her.

“I wanted to be awake with you,” Sudah snuggled under his arm and slid against his body until she was facing him. She gently ran a hand up the crisp uniform shirt until she touched his shield, “You look so handsome in your uniform, I am very proud to be married to such a hero.”

Matt chuckled, Sudah never missed an opportunity to praise him and bolster his ego, “I love you, do you want me to light the stove for you before I leave, it’ll help warm the place up a bit.”

“No, I will take care of it later if I need to, I do not want to leave it burning until I am ready to be in here.”

Matt loved the old wood stove that sat in the corner of the kitchen, it threw heat into the living area and was great defense against the early morning dampness.

She looked at the clock and reminded him that he had to get going if he was to get to work on time.

  

~~~~~

For more WeWriWa Snippets, go to: 

www.wewriwa.com

Hyphema: Bleeding in the eye caused by trauma…

Buy Links

KINDLE

AMAZON PRINT

NOOK

B&N PRINT

APPLE

KOBO

SCRIBD

INKTERRA 

SMASHWORDS

AUDIOBOOK

FREE
Book Club Discussion Packet

REVIEWS

 A Non-Stop Thriller that Will Leave You Longing for More by Tracy Riva

  Nobody Writes It Better by Charmaine Gordon

I would read another one of her stories by Marcia

#####