Saturday, September 13, 2014

Tom is in trouble ~

Hi! Welcome to another Weekend Writing Warrior round. Every week writers post 8 sentences on their blogs from a published or unpublished book. Then we "hop" around and leave comments on each other's snippets. Whether our work is already published or in progress, the helpful comments help us become stronger writers on our next WIP. We welcome EVERYONE's comments.

  
See more at the WeWriWa blog

Welcome to a snippet from Within the Law. The protagonist, Tom Hughes, was created in His Lucky Charm (formerly called Forgotten). Tom is cousin to the female main character in HLC. I fell in love with Tom, I think he might be my favorite hero from all of my books. His character and his history was so compelling that I HAD to write his story, one in which he has his own HEA.

Last week Tom turned his rage on Roy Dunlop, the man on trial for raping and killing Tom's fiance. Now, while /Dunlop lies in the hospital unconscious, Tom finds himself in the hot-seat. Alli, on the defense attorney side, is in an uncomfortable position - she cares for Tom but is trying not to cross any ethical barriers.

[I condensed this down to make it fit the 8 sentences]


The courtroom was packed with the lawyers, court security, family and witnesses related to Dunlop’s case. No outsiders were allowed to enter and the press was barred; the jury was being held in the deliberation room. The judge was aware that newspaper photographers had snapped several pictures of Tom beating Dunlop and there would be headlines no matter how she handled this.
Alli whispered fiercely to her partner Justin, the Senior Defense Attorney, until he was overheard saying, “Just shut-up!” She sat stone faced at the table and refused to look at anything other than her tightly clasped hands.
“My client is currently in the hospital’s emergency room receiving treatment for the brutal beating he took at Thomas Hughes’ hands.”
“Your honor, Mr. Hughes was provoked,” the District Attorney spoke in Tom’s defense.
Justin continued, “Should the people of the State of New York feel safe with a peace officer who cannot control his rage over a poor choice of words?"

 For more WeWriWa snippets, go to www.wewriwa.com

Tom gave up on ever falling in love again the day that he buried his high school sweetheart and fiancé. He started a career in law enforcement just so that he could find her murderer and rapist. Just when he is about to see justice done, he meets Alli Davis-the defense attorney for the murdering rapist who took his love from him.

18 comments:

tamaraphilipwrites said...

another excellent snippet, Chelle!

Joyce Lansky said...

Looks like an interesting read.

http://joycelansky.blogspot.com/2014/09/weekend-writing-warriors-september-14.html

Elsa Holland said...

Really good Snippet Chelle!

Millie Burns said...

Oh wow, holding my breath here for Tom.

Meka James said...

Man...it really is lines like the last one by the defense attorney that makes them hated in most movies and books. We understand they have a job to do, but their lack of concern over the victim and their families is a hard pill to swallow. Now he's getting ready to try and paint Tom as a bad guy after all he's already been through!!! Loved the 8.

Teresa Cypher said...

Oh man! Tom is really in trouble now. I understand why he did it, but I'm not so sure the judge will see it that way. Good 8, Chelle!

Frank C. Etier said...

And I would ask, "'Should the people of the State of New York feel safe with a peace officer who CAN control his rage over a poor choice of words?'"

Emotional scene with lots of undercurrents. Great 8!

Charmaine Gordon said...

We read on to see what happens next. You've shown both sides of the story so well and now it's time for judgement from who else but the judge. Super good eight.

Botanist said...

I feel so sorry for Tom. It always seems to be the way - the villains get away with murder while the law has no trouble coming down hard on the people who suffered at their hands.

Cara Bristol said...

Very easy to understand why he did what he did.

Eleri Stone said...

It was a little more than a poor choice of words but still... Poor Tom!

Monica Pierce said...

Hoo-boy! Lot's of tension in these eight, and I don't envy any of these characters. Nice 8!

Lauren Shiro said...

I love your work - this is a great eight! :)

Sarah W said...

"Poor choice of words"?

Maybe---but it was a deliberate choice.

Poor Alli---she's in a tough spot, all right.

tinachristopherauthor.com said...

Another tense and disturbing snippet. I hope things turn lighter soon for poor Tom.

caitlinstern said...

Yikes! I was worried it would go like that! The person who loses control of their fists always ends up in more trouble than the person who goaded them.

Learned that the hard was from my sister!

Chelle Cordero said...

Tom's troubles are just beginning. When I wrote this I wanted to give Tom an HEA, but I decided to put him through the wringer first.
Alli will have to take a firm side soon.

homecomingbook said...

Poor choice of words? It was practically a confession.