When someone is upset by an event
in their life such as the cancellation of a dream vacation, the loss of a pet,
the break-up of a romance which you might not have approved of, or any stress caused
by something they feel is important, it is NOT your job to tell them they don’t
have a right to be upset. I’ve heard folks tell others that they are not the
first person to…, so get over it; or say things like I didn’t like him anyway;
it was only a pet; or even comparing their plight to another’s and making it
trivial.
Anytime someone faces an abrupt
change, or feels like things are beyond their control, or faces a disruption to
their routine, it can cause stress and feelings of crisis. People react to
stress in individual ways, they have different priorities, strengths and
weaknesses. No one has the right to minimize another person’s concerns, fears,
love, loss or sadness. Supporting someone who is in crisis mode means
respecting their feelings and not putting your own feelings first. You may not
care for dogs but telling someone who just lost their beloved pet that “it was
only a dog” is cruel and thoughtless.
Practice kindness by showing
compassion for someone who is suffering. Compassion begins with understanding
their feelings, empathizing with them, and the desire to help them survive the
stress. Minimizing and ignoring their feelings may be easier for you, but does
nothing to help them. Respect their feelings, don’t criticize them. Be there to
lend a shoulder or an ear, hold them (literally or figuratively) and let them
know you care. Their feelings are important to them, respect that. This also holds true for
celebrating accomplishments – it’s a big thing and important, so applaud them
loudly and congratulate them without limits.
I’ve been fortunate with the people surrounding me – one of my pussycats was recently very ill (thank
goodness he seems to be recovering nicely) and friends and family offered
encouragement and showed genuine concern. It really was appreciated.
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