Touching Base

 

The past few years has been a challenge for many of us. The pandemic, no matter which way you feel, has shut down many of our lives and cut down on social activities and family togetherness. I couldn't imagine having gone through something like this even 30 years ago before the age of computers, cell phones, and VISUAL communications. The Spanish Flu and the Polio outbreaks must have been unbearable even if one didn't get sick without the plethora of communication devices we have now.

 

When my husband and I made our move to our retirement home, it was a move about an hour and a half from where we used to live which was not too far from our children and their spouses. Even with their busy schedules, drive-by visits (even at a distance) were easy. We made our move for our needs, the area, economy, an easier life… and our offspring remained where they were for their jobs, their friends, and their homes.

 

In the beginning the distance didn't seem so great. If none of us felt like making the drive, or didn't have enough time, we could plan to meet at a mutually convenient restaurant or other venue. When the pandemic began everything closed and it's only recently that places are opening up — and even then, there are still restrictions. We have seen each other, but it certainly has been less often than we had hoped.

 

I've gotten used to a life of "video visits" and text messages, and I consider myself quite fortunate. Our kids have kept in touch with us and several times a week we get to "communicate" — sometimes it's not even in real time. I'll pick up my (cell) phone to open a message, sometimes two, from one or more. Sometimes when I am thinking of them I send a message out, or if I have something newsy to share, I can jot a note on my phone.

 

I also have nieces and nephews that I get to keep in touch with, most of them are not local enough to do a day trip. Sometimes we'll gather on ZOOM for holiday dinners. This past New Year's I got to ring in 2022 with my son and daughter-in-law, through the airwaves, and then we spent some time with my nephew and his family 1300-miles away.

 

I remember as a child mailing letters to my grandmother and receiving letters back. It was indeed contact, but the rare long-distance phone call when I got to hear her voice was so exciting. So, for now, I will certainly enjoy my electronic visits with my kids and seeing their faces and hearing their voices. Who knows, hopefully SOON we will have the time, safety and convenience of actually seeing more of each other in person.

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Empathy... better with it or without it

 Definition of empathy (from the Merriam-Webster Dictionary)

the action of understanding, being aware of,
being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing
the feelings, thoughts, and experience
of another of either the past or present 

When you have empathy you can relate to the pain and sorrow that another person may be experiencing — if you hear of someone losing a close family member something triggers your own feeling of loss, either real or imagined. You feel FOR the person because you understand what he is going through.When you understand what that individual is going through you might be able to offer solace, comfort and support. BUT... if your level of empathy encompasses you it may drown you in those emotions causing you mental anguish and making you unable to offer comfort to the bereaved.Being compassionate is a healthy form of empathy as you understand what someone is going through and can still maintain a mental distance by staying aware that this is SOMEONE ELSE'S loss. You can offer support and comfort without losing yourself in the sorrow.Being sympathetic, while certainly nice (on the surface) may or may not be disingenuous. You hear bad news and you offer platitudes — but do you really feel for the individual or just know that it's the polite response?Certain relationships do better when people can empathize with one another. Parents who can truly understand what their children are feeling, their angst and insecurities, can offer much needed support and guidance. Health-care workers can help to emotionally support their patients along with the medical help they provide. However if the empathy is too all-encompassing it is easy to lose oneself, be depressed and insecure. Too much empathy can even result in manifested health problems, sleepless nights, and damage to other relationships.

When it comes to feeling loss, grief is a very personal thing and not everyone feels the same things. Religious customs sometimes play a big role in the way a person grieves and accepts their loss; although it is uncommon that a loss is ever truly “accepted”, the pain often lingers and sometimes causes tears even years later. The relationship a person has had with the now deceased may have been complex, even painful, and the survivor now has to juggle their mixed emotions.

There are times that SOME of us cannot understand another person’s reaction to grief, but do we really have a right to expect someone to break down and cry when that loss happens? Maybe the person is in shock and that overwhelming grief has yet to hit. Or maybe the person’s upbringing taught them unwavering steps to follow? Or, sadly, maybe a person’s childhood left him with an inability to show their emotions?

It’s not for any of us to judge how someone else mourns and grieves. All we can do is be compassionate and certainly never take joy in another’s person’s pain. Remember though that you can always be there and care.

“Any man's death diminishes me,
because I am involved in mankind,
and therefore never send to know
for whom the bells tolls;
it tolls for thee.”
~ John Donne

Missed Phone Calls ~ #MondayBlogs

There are times I go to pick up the phone to make a phone call, just to chat, and realize that some of the people I most enjoyed talking to are gone. The two who I miss the most are my parents, it was always great to speak to either one, work out problems, share the day and simply connect. My dad could be a no-holds-barred and would automatically tell me how he felt about the things I needed to talk about; my mom was super terrific and it was evident she never lost her talents as a social worker, she was an ideal sounding board during my teen angst years.

Today, June 13, is my mom’s birthday, she would have been 99 but since she passed at the ripe young age of 61 I really have no way of knowing what she would have been like if she were still around. So I am looking upward and wishing her a happy day and sending her my love and somehow I have confidence that she hears me. She’s also probably dancing up a storm with my dad (he was 58 when he passed), they loved to dance even though my mom was partially disabled — he never minded having her lean on him for support. I am so glad to still be able to hear their voices now and then, to remember them, and to have known them so well that when I am faced with a quandary I can think what would Mommy or Daddy do.

I was very lucky to have also shared wonderful conversations with others who have moved on, just to mention a few and hopefully they can hear how appreciative I am for the times we talked — Aunt Ruth & Uncle Erv, Aunt Sally, Titi Dolly, Aunt Wilma, my cousin Roberta, and yes there were others. In my present day I try not to waste time, I speak freely with my friends and family, and we share whatever is on our minds… in person when possible, on the phone when necessary, but always often. My husband and brother-in-law teasingly (I think?) say that without my sister and me the phone company would lose its purpose.

Aside from using this opportunity to wish my mom a wonderful birthday… 
        HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMY!

I want to remind everyone to stay in touch with their loved ones, talk just for the sake of talking, never waste a day — because tomorrow all you may have left are the memories and you will want plenty to sustain you.

...

Everybody’s Talking ~ #MondayBlogs

On the average every year from late summer through early November everyone is buzzing about who is running for what office, rumors and meme’s overrun social media, and invariably some “friendships” are ended after heated exchanges.

Growing up all of the neighborhood parents painstakingly instructed all of us kids “Never discuss politics or religion”. To that I say HOGWASH. I believe discourse between opposing views is necessary to growth.

The meaning of the word discourse is “written or spoken communication or debate”; the key term is communication. When I was in junior high school my social studies teacher assigned all of the students to debate teams. Ironically we each had to argue the opposing view from our personal beliefs. The class of 30 (yes, large class sizes) was irate as we were tricked into voicing our honest opinions on subjects such as gun control, abortion, euthanasia,  the draft and other such hot-button items only to be told we had to argue against the very things we believed in!

Mr. L explained that the only way we could be sure of our convictions was to understand all sides and to respect the opposing views. Respecting other viewpoints does not mean we agree, as a matter of fact our willingness to hear other views indicates that we have confidence in our decisions; likewise closing our ears and minds to different beliefs may even be from fear that we could be easily swayed.

Now remember I called this exchange discourse. Discourse is not argumentative or insulting, it’s not threatening and should certainly not include generalizations based on race, ethnicity, gender or religion. Yes we are all guilty of chuckling and sometimes passing along a funny meme or two, sometimes these memes are applauding a candidate or political office without insulting anyone — and yet the vitriol that follows  gets out of hand.

These are the interactions I don’t care to entertain. When an otherwise intellectual conversation is polluted with nasty barbs, insults or profanity then the positive exchange of knowledge and ideas ceases to exist; when someone is being verbally (and sometimes physically) attacked thinking logically often flies out the window and the result is usually anger, yelling, cursing and insults that have no bearing on the original disagreement.

So let’s discuss the issues and stay informed, but leave the fighting elsewhere.

By the way, the next United States Election Day is ‎November 3, 2015. Have you registered to vote yet?

#MondayBlogs ~ We don’t all speak the same language

I’m not speaking about different world languages like French, Spanish, German, or more. There is miscommunication between English speaking individuals.

Perception, context, body language, humor, and personal emotions can all change the same words into many different meanings. The person who is scared of “failing” may talk of themselves doing just that — to one person that statement sounds like a pitiable cry for help while another hears it as a purposeful plan. The tale gets carried and the second-hand message gets warped reminiscent of a childhood Telephone Game. Most people don’t even realize that they are distorting the message and in most cases there is no maliciousness intended.

There is an adage, actually several versions of it, one of them goes like this: “Ask 2 doctors, get 3 opinions.” No two people will ever hear the exact same thing whether far or near. What do we do with these interpretations? If you like what you “heard” then maybe you should be willing not to delve any deeper; however if you didn’t like…

While public speeches at mass gatherings may not provide an opportunity for clarification, in our personal lives we don’t have to accept any sour taste we’ve been left with. Without accusation and without anger, speak to the person — the very person who allegedly misspoke — he or she should be the one to explain, rectify, or defend a statement that causes you qualms. You should be the one who thinks for yourself what you are to believe and accept.

We can make beautiful music if we just talk with each other.

About the English language

I received the following humorous tidbit from a friend the other day and I thought it was worth sharing...

Read all the way to the end...
This took a lot of work to put together! 
   
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse morerefuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture..
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in thedesert..
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.  
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewerline.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow tosow.
17) The wind was too strong for me to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear..
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimatefriend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick'?

You lovers of the English language might enjoy this.

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP.'
It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?
At a meeting, why does a topic come UP?
Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UPfor election and why is it UP to the secretary to writeUP a report?
We call UP our friends.
And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen.
We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.
At other times the little word has real special meaning.
People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UPan appetite, and think UP excuses.
To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.
A drain must be opened UP because it is stoppedUP.
We open UP a store in the morning but we close itUP at night.
We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!
To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP,look the word UP in the dictionary.
In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.
If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used.
It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't giveUP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.
When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP.
When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP.
When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.
When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.
One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP,
for now my time is UP,
so.......it is time to shut UP!

Imagine if you were immigrant to the country and had to learn English.

Hyphema    by Chelle Cordero
From the Series: EMS Novels by Chelle Cordero,  
Hyphema: Bleeding in the eye caused by trauma… Matt Garratti, a paramedic from New York, moves his wife and son to North Carolina to work at his dream job as a flight medic. Pakistani born Sudah, his wife, receives frosty stares and insensitive comments from their new neighbors... Matt wonders if he is pursuing his dream or bringing his family into a nightmare from which they may never wake.