Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Love, the Second Time Around

Does being able to love again after loosing your mate mean you didn’t love well enough the first time?

I had this discussion once with a friend who said quite simply that she is so happy with her husband that if she ever lost him she couldn’t see not being married, so she probably would look to marry again and hopefully with love.

I was watching a new show the other night and there was a discussion between the two female leads, one who played the step-mother. Now widowed, the step-mother asked the daughter why she always hated her so. The daughter’s reply was “I thought my father loved my mother enough… until I saw him
with you.”

It’s an unfortunate fact that spouses rarely die together which leaves one with the task of living. Sometimes living means having a new relationship. What happens when the people around you, the ones you love like your children, have difficulty accepting that new love? What happens when you have difficulty accepting that love?

My grandmother, she should rest in peace, was married five times. My grandfather, the one she called the love of her life, left her a young widow with three children. I never knew him or the next three. Years after I was already married and a young mother she called me and wanted to talk. She had met a wonderful man that she enjoyed spending time with, but he insisted on getting married. She was afraid she would lose him if she kept saying no.

I told her that she had to decide if he was more important than the “single life” she was enjoying. She decided he was and they were married. Sam and Kay lived several very happy years together and she never regretted her decision. My sister and I, grandchildren through her daughter who was now gone, were thrilled for her and even learned to call Sam “Zeyda” which is Yiddish for grandfather.

Witnessing this beautiful romance from courtship through Zeyda’s eventual passing was a wonderful and uplifting experience. You’re never too old to fall in love – and you never lose the love you hold in your heart.


"Where were you anyway?" He had tried to reach her and he had worried when he couldn't.


"A couple of the guys said you weren't in yesterday."

"You were checking up on me?"

"…and I couldn't get you on your phone at home."

"I went back home to see my dad."

"Oh." He grinned sheepishly. "I'm glad to hear that. I knew that the office heard about me on Tuesday. The hospital found my employee ID and called about insurance and I was real worried 'cause I hadn't heard from you. I figured you were still really mad at me." He stopped to catch his breath. It relieved Adam to know that she hadn't stayed away just because she was angry at him.

"Believe me if I had known earlier, I would have been here."

"Really?" He looked really young and boyish for a moment.

"Of course." Davie laughed. "For some stupid reason I do care about what happens to you even though you keep on pushing me away."

"I'm sorry. Sorry about pushing you away, but not about you caring. I like to know that you care about me." He reached for her hand again. "So, what was the occasion for going home?"

Davie bit her lip. "The sixth anniversary of my mom's death."

"I'm sorry, Davie." Adam knew from the way Davie had talked about her mom that she still took her passing very hard. "I'm glad you were able to be there with your dad."

Davie shook her head and grimaced. "He didn't need me."

"Of course he did."

"Nope. What my father needed was privacy." She looked at Adam with a defensive smile. "I walked in on a lovers' tryst."


"It seems that Daddy has a girlfriend and they're getting married."

"That's great!" He saw her hurt expression. "Isn't it?"

Davie stood up and began to pace around Adam's bed. "I guess so. I don't know." Sighing, she stopped at the foot of his bed. "I guess I just have to get used to it."

"You really are upset about this." He frowned.

Davie returned to the chair and leaned closer to Adam. It was comfortable to talk with him. "It's just that I never thought my father could love anybody except for my mom."

"It doesn't mean that he doesn't love her."

"That's what Elizabeth said." Seeing the question in Adam's eyes, Davie added, "…my father's fiancĂ©e. She's a widow, too, she said they hadn't planned to fall in love."

"Sometimes, Davie, people fall in…are very attracted to other people and…well, sometimes they don't even realize it themselves…and…" Adam stopped stammering and took Davie's hand in his. "Davie, about those rumors at work…"


"We have two options. We can ignore them, or we can give them some fodder for the rumor mill, but," he had to muster up his courage, "I would like to make them come true." Adam suddenly knew just how important this woman had become to him.

Courage of the Heart
COURAGE OF THE HEART shows us that sometimes love is the only cure for the very deepest of emotional wounds. The story of the two lovers takes a series of unexpected and fast paced turns where lives, sanity and love are put in jeopardy. Their commitment to one another results in a spirit that binds them together and helps them to overcome physical and emotional dangers.

1 comment:

Janet Lane Walters said...

Nice article about finding love again. I believe it's possible.