Saturday, April 19, 2014

Wow, Lon nearly blows it ~ Weekend Writing Warriors / #8sunday / 04/20/14

Hi! Welcome to another Weekend Writing Warrior round. Every week writers post 8 sentences on their blogs from a published or unpublished book. Then we "hop" around and leave comments on each other's snippets. Whether our work is already published or in progress, the helpful comments help us become stronger writers on our next WIP. We welcome EVERYONE's comments.

See more at the WeWriWa blog

Welcome to a snippet from Bartlett's Rule, my first novel published with Vanilla Heart Publishing. Even though this piece is already published, I find receiving your comments helpful as I write future stories - you strengthen me when I know how well (or not) I communicate with my readers, and I learn what readers like and don't care for. I really appreciate you for giving me your time.

Lon proposes... and Paige puts him off. He's hurt and it doesn't help that his very public image leaves them little room for privacy. This discussion takes place during breakfast in the hotel dining room, a public breakfast that Lon's publicist set up to show the two lovers off. One reporter asks if there are any marriage plans and both Lon and Paige are trying to hide their discomfort from the spectators:

“Lon, please, I didn’t turn you down, I just need more time,” the last thing she wanted to do was hurt him; They smiled at the waitress as she brought them their breakfasts.
Paige sampled a piece of fresh fruit that topped her pancakes.
“I thought things were coming along really well,” he put a piece of bacon in his mouth and chewed slowly.
“They are, we are.”
“Then I don’t understand why you won’t marry me; I mean once we got past the sex thing…”
Her voice was angry but she kept the volume low and refused to look angry or hurt because the reporters were watching them from a distance, “the sex thing?”

“That’s not what I meant, you were able trust me, I thought that was a big step.” He took a gulp of his coffee, “I know things aren’t just about sex, I didn’t mean to make it sound that way.”

For more WeWriWa snippets, go to


Bartlett's Rule shares the story of Lon and Paige's love affair; a romance filled with hardship, emotion, danger and triumph. Falling in love was never the challenge; being there for each other, knowing just what to say and making it work is the real test. Paige and Lon are real; they are human, they cry and they laugh. Paige has to learn to trust. Lon has to learn to be patient.

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Susan Stuckey said...

Very well done snippet. The dialogue worked very well and the stress of this discussion in public came through very nicely. Good job.

Veronica Scott said...

A difficult conversation for sure and he's trying so hard, even if the words are coming out not the way he intended. Excellent excerpt, very involving.

Anonymous said...

Reporters? Ouch.

Charmaine Gordon said...

Dynamite dialogue with a tinge of humor for the reader. Over breakfast with reporters around. Terrific eight, Chelle.

Anonymous said...

The "sex thing?" Yikes, he put his foot in his mouth over that one!

Sarah Cass said...

Oy, did he ever put his foot in his mouth. Still, I have hope for the pair. I really do.

Unknown said...

Seems like a crazy place to be having this conversation...I feel pity for him at the moment.