Saturday, July 26, 2014

Tom is called to the stand - Weekend Writing Warriors / #8sunday / 07/27/14

Hi! Welcome to another Weekend Writing Warrior round. Every week writers post 8 sentences on their blogs from a published or unpublished book. Then we "hop" around and leave comments on each other's snippets. Whether our work is already published or in progress, the helpful comments help us become stronger writers on our next WIP. We welcome EVERYONE's comments.

See more at the WeWriWa blog

Welcome to a snippet from Within the Law. The protagonist, Tom Hughes, was created in His Lucky Charm (formerly called Forgotten). Tom is cousin to the female main character in HLC. I fell in love with Tom, I think he might be my favorite hero from all of my books. His character and his history was so compelling that I HAD to write his story, one in which he has his own HEA.

I'm continuing in the courtroom. The defendant, Dunlop, was found with Tom's high school ring, a key piece of evidence regarding Tom's fiance's (Joyce) death. The senior Defense Attorney isn't showing any compassion for the witnesses, he is doing his best to put doubt in the jury's minds. Poor Tom has no idea what he is in for when he is called to the witness box.

The District Attorney’s office called Thomas Hughes to the stand.
As Tom walked to the witness stand, he noticed Alli was giving the senior attorney a folder. Then she looked up and saw him. It was impossible to mask her surprise, but it didn’t take long for her to try to cover up her recognition of him for the benefit of the jury. He gazed at her as he was being sworn in, she looked away.
Tom never expected to feel the emotions he did as he was handed the clear plastic bag containing his high school ring.
“Was this the ring Joyce Keller was wearing on a chain around her neck the day she went on an outing with some girlfriends?”

He had to clear his throat in order to answer, “Yes. I gave this ring to Joyce, she wore it on a chain.”
 For more WeWriWa snippets, go to

Tom gave up on ever falling in love again the day that he buried his high school sweetheart and fiancé. He started a career in law enforcement just so that he could find her murderer and rapist. Just when he is about to see justice done, he meets Alli Davis-the defense attorney for the murdering rapist who took his love from him.

Tom first made an appearance in His Lucky Charm, a story about  Caitlyn Smythe (Tom's cousin) and Brandon Price. Caitlyn and Brandon are back in Within the Law. Here is a small piece from that first story with background on what happened to Joyce ...

     When Tom left the night before, he warned them that he would be back on his way to work to find out if he was going to be an “uncle” or not. Tommy had been clearly thrilled that Caitlyn had accepted Brandon’s proposal. He had even begun to ask about wedding plans and dates.
     Brandon had admitted to Caitlyn that he was surprised that Tom was single. It was obvious that the man treasured family, liked the thought of kids and certainly had a lot of solid relationship advice to offer.
     That was when Caitlyn told Brandon about Tom’s lost love. The high school sweetheart he had proposed to on graduation day was killed during a random act of violence. She had been on a shopping trip to a nearby big-city mall with some girlfriends. Their vehicle had been carjacked and she was abducted. Her assailant had never been caught and Caitlyn thought that might have been Tom’s inspiration to become a police officer.
     She didn’t know if Tom would ever again allow his heart to be so vulnerable. The tragic story made Brandon realize even more how fortunate he was. He planted tiny kisses on Caitlyn’s closed eyelids and was only slightly disappointed that he hadn’t woken her.
     About an hour later, Caitlyn stretched in his arms, yawned, opened her eyes and smiled. Brandon felt like he was ready to melt.
     “Good morning.” She whispered to him.


Heather Boyd said...

I've never been able to choose a favorite character. LOL Nice 8. Sounds like Tom is in for a very bumpy ride. :)

Charmaine Gordon said...

You leave the reader with a what happens next moment. Poignant and scary.

Marcia said...

Emotional without being maudlin, nice job here! The excerpt leaves me thinking "awwwww poor Tom!" He's a likeable guy in a heart-wrenching situation, gotta feel sympathy for him :)

Anonymous said...

Tricky situation for everyone involved. The tension is building. Great job.

Anonymous said...

Tricky situation for everyone involved. The tension is building. Great job.

Anonymous said...

Be interesting to hear the defense, and if thy really have the right man.

Meka James said...

Enjoyed this 8. I wonder what's going to happen when the defense attorney starts to question Tom.

Veronica Scott said...

Must be very hard for him to see this ring - quite an effective courtroom scene. Really a fascinating story going on here, from so many angles. Great 8!

Teresa Cypher said...

Oh boy, a pivotal moment? Who was the woman he recognized??? Nicely done, Chelle. :-)

Chelle Cordero said...

Heather Boyd, Tom just sort of grew on me, something I hadn't planned when I was writing His lucky Charm and then I just couldn't get him out of my mind. Then I wrote Within the Law.

Thanks Charmaine Gordon, hopefully the need to know what happens next will keep the reader turning pages.

Marcia, Tom is just so... human. He is not infallible and yet I think he is a good guy. Hopefully that endears him to the readers.

Chelle Cordero said..., get ready for the tension to really amp up.

Yes homecomingbook, a bit of a spoiler but it will be coming out, this is indeed the guy who did it - however there will be a twist in the plot coming.

Hi Meka James, he is going to be put through the wringer on the stand, but then the defense attorney is going to do all he can to put doubt in the minds of the jury.

Chelle Cordero said...

It is difficult to see the ring Veronica Scott. I think Tom learns all too well that the things one thinks will bring closure and happiness aren't always the answer.

Hi Teresa Cypher, the woman sitting at the defense table is the woman Tom helped the night before, Alli. The irony hits him that he wanted to protect her from the same kind of evil his girlfriend was victimized by.

Unknown said...

Poor Tom. how horrific :( such a great snippet because I'm already emotionally involved and I've only read 8 lines, Chelle!!