Saturday, September 20, 2014

Tom is reprimanded - Weekend Writing Warriors / #8sunday / 09/21/14

Hi! Welcome to another Weekend Writing Warrior round. Every week writers post 8 sentences on their blogs from a published or unpublished book. Then we "hop" around and leave comments on each other's snippets. Whether our work is already published or in progress, the helpful comments help us become stronger writers on our next WIP. We welcome EVERYONE's comments.

See more at the WeWriWa blog

Welcome to a snippet from Within the Law. The protagonist, Tom Hughes, was created in His Lucky Charm (formerly called Forgotten). Tom is cousin to the female main character in HLC. I fell in love with Tom, I think he might be my favorite hero from all of my books. His character and his history was so compelling that I HAD to write his story, one in which he has his own HEA.

Tom tells the courtroom that Joyce was pregnant at the time of her death and Dunlop's confession. The senior defense attorney, Justin, scoffs at the idea. While Tom waits for the Judge's response he worries about Caitlyn, his pregnant cousin, who fell during the scuffle in the lobby.

[I apologize, I needed to include the last 9th sentence.]

Justin stood defiantly, “he’s making this up.”
The judge addressed the courtroom, “Is there anyone in this courtroom who over-heard what Mr. Dunlop allegedly said to Mr. Hughes?” no one answered.
The judge spoke calmly and compassionately, “Mr. Hughes, it is unfortunate that your loss of control has brought us to this. I do believe that you were provoked and I understand how painful this must be for you, but I also agree that with your training, you should have had more discipline and control. You need to be held accountable for your actions; I am willing to release you in your own recognizance after you surrender your ID and shield and any weapons you have in your possession here in Rome. I intend to make a phone call to your superior officers to discuss further discipline, do I make myself understood, Mr. Hughes?”
“Yes ma’am,” he agreed with everything the judge said, he let his emotions and his temper direct his actions; he knew better than that.
The court officer approached Tom and he handed over his ID and shield. Then, just as he was feeling completely defeated, he turned back to Caitlyn. He watched as she stood with a half-smile of encouragement just for him, suddenly her face drained of color and she clutched her stomach, she cried out in pain and collapsed.

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Tom gave up on ever falling in love again the day that he buried his high school sweetheart and fiancé. He started a career in law enforcement just so that he could find her murderer and rapist. Just when he is about to see justice done, he meets Alli Davis-the defense attorney for the murdering rapist who took his love from him.

posted Thursday, Sept 18:

#TBT - It's been ONE year since I joined the #WeWriWa hop! Yay me!

...and Great News!

Within the Law by Chelle Cordero Is Now in Audio!

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Catch My Words said...

Hmm. I wonder what's going on with Caitlyn. I'll have to tune in next week.

Unknown said...

Crap. Hope she is okay, that's only going to add to his guilt. Poor guy. Have to be a moderator here...I counted ten sentences, and some creative punctuation as well. I know how hard it is to get certain ideas across in that eight sentence limit, but, sometimes you leave people wanting more with less...makes them drool and a pound their fists in anticipation. You don't always have to give it all out every week.

Charmaine Gordon said...

Terrific scene, Chelle. Millie's right and she's a moderator. The scene is powerful and just when things calm down , Caitlin. WOW! I'll tune in next week.

Botanist said...

Uh-oh, things are going from bad to worse. It sucks when the bad guys can get away with so much, and then sit sneering because you can't prove a darned thing.

HauteTonReaderSociety said...

Oh, the more I read the more I want to know!

Little procedural thing here from someone in the police business. I'm pretty sure a judge wouldn't take away an officer's badge and gun. They are not law enforcement officials and don't have the authority to do so. They may recommend to his superiors that he be disciplined, but that's it.

Also, if this is taking place in a courthouse, he wouldn't be allowed to bring his weapon past security, unless he was a court services officer and on duty. Even off duty officers are not allowed to take their weapons into the courthouse.

Other than that, it's a great snippet!

Unknown said...

Oh my gosh, what happened? I wasn't expecting her to fall over. Great snippet! It left me so intrigued. I'm always excited to read your work.

Meka James said...

NOOOOO!!!! That defense attorney is just as slimy as his client. UGH!

I was hoping the judge would have been more lenient given the circumstances, I mean sure he's had training but all that goes out the window when something tragic happens.

Now on top of that, Caitlin is having pains. If something happens to her or that baby Tom will never forgive himself.

Veronica Scott said...

Wow, I felt so sorry for him during the scene and then the way it all ended...I need more! Excellent excerpt!

Teresa Cypher said...

Happy wewriwa anniversary, Chelle!

Poor Tom. It's all going south, "in a hand-basket" as they say...

Cara Bristol said...

Great scene! Well executed.

Chelle Cordero said...

Thanks all for coming by.

Millie, my apologies, I must have been cross eyed when I counted. I promise to do better...

Christina, good to know, thanks. It's been nearly 4 decades since I am out of the PO loop; I have to update myself on current procedures. (btw, Tom didn't bring any weapons with him to Rome since he didn't wan to leave them in a hotel room when he was in court)

Teresa, thank you and all of those behind the WeWriWa meme. I really enjoy everything I get to learn thanks to this weekly event. (btw, Charmaine was the one who convinced me to join in ;) )

Anonymous said...

Wow, another emotional snippet that leaves us hungry for more. Well done.

Anonymous said...

I wonder if Caitlyn's having the baby early.

Anonymous said...

Of course he was too smart to be overheard. Evil is like that.

Stress isn't good for pregnant ladies, I hope she's okay!

Anonymous said...

First thing I thought was that Caityln was going to have the baby prematurely. I've heard that extreme stress can do that :( I love watching Law and Order: SVU, and sometimes the bad guys win. I think what's even worse is that good people have to play by the rules, but bad people can't. Reminds me of this Nietzsche quote, "When fighting monsters be careful not to become one yourself." Tom reminds me a lot of Elliot from Law and Order: SVU. He is working for the forces of good, but sometimes he breaks the law to help others. Good snippet :) I hope Caityln is okay!

FCEtier said...

Drama in the court room.
Well done!