WHAT DO SHABBOS CANDLES MEAN TO ME?

 

Growing up in a Jewish Bronx (NYC) household, it wasn't unusual for my mom to light two candles to welcome the Sabbath on Friday evenings. We really weren't that religious in our observance (although my mom was raised in an Orthodox household), but we always practiced some of the traditions. Friday night, erev Shabbat, was more than just the beginning of the "Day of Rest", it was also the end of the workweek for my dad. He was a hard-working man who relished his family time and he devoted his weekends to spending time with his wife and his daughters.

 

For so many reasons I adored the flickering lights of the Shabbos candles. Candles in many ways, represented so many happy things like birthdays, Chanukah, and wonderful festivals that always included special family time. My mom always kept what seemed to be a never-dwindling large box of "licht bentschen" in the kitchen cupboard. The towering candlesticks she used each week were heirlooms from her maternal grandmother and then her mother and represented more family connection.

 

In 1965, shortly after we had moved from a three-room to four-room apartment on the other side of the building where my parents were raising their family, there was a tremendous, and very frightening, blackout. The Great Northeast Blackout of 1965 (Tuesday, November 7^th to be exact) began around five-thirty in the afternoon. I remember my mom had sent me down to the local newsstand to buy the newspaper when the streetlights began flickering. People started to panic. It was the middle of the Cold War and I remember one woman on the street started screaming that we were "under attack".

 

Scared, I ran home and up the three flights of stairs in the semi-darkness. Mommy soothed my fears. My sister had been studying at a friend's house and she came home shortly after. When the lights went out, my dad was ending his workday in New Jersey; he drove home over a dark George Washington Bridge. The first thing he did when he arrived home was to check on his family and after assuring himself that we were okay, he donned his Auxiliary Police uniform and responded to our local police station to help wherever he could — he wound up being one of the volunteers to walk on the elevated train tracks to safely escort trapped commuters to the nearest platform.

 

In the meanwhile, my mom (who was disabled) assigned a task to my sister and me. She instructed us to stay together and to knock on every door in our apartment building to make sure that everyone had light for their apartment. Handing us each a large box of candles, it was our job to hand out candles to anyone who needed. There were a lot of thankful neighbors that evening. My mom placed a chair by the door so she could listen as we went through the building.

The Great Northeast Blackout of 1965 lasted less than twelve hours, it darkened more than a handful of northeast states and part of Canada. News reports estimated approximately 30-million people were affected. People who couldn't reach home slept on the floor at Grand Central station, local airports and office buildings. Planes were grounded without runway lights and control towers. There were no traffic lights, television, trains, elevators, or local shops open.

 

For nearly twelve hours people were in the dark worried and wondering what had caused this horrendous event. But in one Bronx apartment building, every apartment had light, many from the flickering light of Shabbos candles.

 

To this day each time I light my own Shabbos candles, I remember the night my parents taught my sister and me about caring for our neighbors. I can still picture the joy in the faces of folks who were trying to manage through the darkness as they were handed candles to help them light the way.

 

THINK OF YOURSELF

 

         In a "long-ago past", I was an EMT (Emergency Medical Technician). One of the first things we were taught was scene and personal safety. If we went running into a situation such as an unsecured domestic violence situation, we ran the risk of being a target and getting hurt, or worse, ourselves. The basic lesson was that if we allowed ourselves to get hurt and need help from other emergency personnel, we would only complicate and tax the situation.

 

Yes, in many ways it sounds selfish… and yes, there were times many of us ignored that part of the training. Sometimes the victim we needed to reach seemed too vulnerable, sometimes we misjudged the danger, sometimes we just got lucky… and sometimes WE became a PART OF THE PROBLEM.

 

In our lives, even out of emergency service, we need to judge our safety whenever we hear the call for help. It is especially difficult to turn our backs, because sometimes that is what it feels like, when we see someone who needs help. A parent will often, most times ALWAYS, do whatever they have to for their child, spouses, partners, friends, family… we all try to take on whatever we can. And sometimes giving EVERYTHING we've got will break us. I know when it comes to my husband and offspring, I will do and give everything I can. I think most of us will admit to that.

 

Sometimes though, as in EMS, running in without regard for our own safety will put us in a position of needing help and, in the long run, not being of any help to anyone. Most of us, thankfully, will never turn our backs, but we need to find a way to manage without destroying ourselves and becoming unable to help the ones we love.

 

When you find yourself challenged like this, don't be afraid to ask for help from others, family members and friends alike. Sometimes bearing the brunt of responsibility will prove to be too much. There are programs, outside of your family and friends, that might be able to assist in the care of your loved one — look into them. Don't turn down helping hands when they are offered. Make sure you have someone(s) to lean on for emotional AND PHYSICAL support when needed. And you are really NOT letting your loved one down just because you allowed someone to help you bear the burden.

 

So while you are loving and keeping busy to take care of others, be loving and caring about YOUSELF as well — because, simply, if YOU go down, who will pick up the slack?

 

Worth…

Several years ago, I had a rather ugly argument (one sided, really, HE was arguing) with someone I once thought rather highly of.

 

He was a veteran, and I certainly gave him kudos for that, but we were talking of some people we knew who, by choice or providence, did not join the military. This individual was very irate and insulting to some people I knew — in this specific case, a couple of first responders. His attitude was that they had "no value" compared to him and his fellow vets (yes, those were his words). 

I was annoyed and said (not verbatim) that our military defends our shores, but that EMS, firefighters and police were our first defense in our cities.

 

His statement was ironically that these people wore Halloween costumes to make themselves feel important!

 

I would never dismiss the heroism and sacrifice of our military members (which I am proud to say I am related to several from past to present). But if these past few years (actually since 2001) haven't proven the value of our EMS, firefighters and police (as well as healthcare and other security details)… Wow! (Ironically the above-mentioned argument took place AFTER 9/11)

 

Our country lost more than 400 emergency service members at the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001. In 2005 thousands of first responders went to New Orleans and other areas after Hurricanes Katrina and Rita devastated the city. And these past two years our EMS, FD and police forces and hospital workers country wide have worked around the clock to try to save Covid victims, often at great personal risk to themselves, many dying.

 

Not everyone can save peoples' lives, fight fires, or fight in a war. But EVERYONE can do something to help enrich the lives of the people in this country and the world. Everyone has WORTH in our society when they help others; Sunday school teachers, Meals on Wheels drivers, youth group leaders, volunteers (and employees) at animal shelters, volunteer readers at the library, fundraisers for charities, and more. If you are doing something to help others, 

YOU ARE WORTH SO MUCH TO THE REST OF US. Everybody should do what they are able to for their communities, for our country, and for our world.

 

Thank you to all who put yourselves out there for others.

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