TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOURSELF

When you enter a relationship, or even just are born into a family, you have a responsibility to care for yourself as well as the people you care about. Yep, that is one of the more important things in any relationship… don’t scare the you-know-what out of those people who love you if you can do ANYTHING to avoid it.

 

Illness happens, and so do accidents, but when you ignore common sense or act recklessly you are literally betraying the trust that the person(s) who love you have. We are not possessions but when hearts are involved there is a very fragile surface that easily bruises. If you have ever worried about a loved one recovering from severe illness or sat in a hospital waiting room until a surgery is (successfully) completed, I am sure you understand what I mean.

 

While there are never any real guarantees, things like proper nutrition, avoidance of illicit drugs and excessive alcohol, not smoking, getting sufficient rest, and not taking unnecessary risks while driving or other activities, will help to minimize the chances of your loved one(s) pain and tears because of you. As I already said, sometimes illness does happen — well then follow doctor’s orders and keep things under control, or even better, get cured. And while there are other drivers on the road and sometimes no matter how careful you are there’s a bump or worse, so wear your seatbelt, make sure your car is road-ready, and stay attentive. Always cut the risk down.

 

Worrying about someone can also play havoc with your own health, but it is hard NOT to worry when someone you love is hurt or ill. Learn ways to relax and not to “worry yourself sick” — yeah, that is a real thing. Learn to focus on the things in front of you, things that you can manage and not let your imagination go places it should not. Being so stressed over things you can’t control will only be made worse by not taking proper care of yourself like forgetting to eat properly, not getting enough sleep, or using crutches like alcohol or drugs. Practice slow deep breathing to help relax your body and your muscles; if necessary, literally “go to a happy place” in your mind, imagine being on that beach or mountain top where you once felt so at peace.

 

Taking care of yourself when you are worried about someone else is also a responsibility, prevent yourself from getting sick. When your heart feels like it is beating too fast for your own body, your palms feel sweaty, or you begin crying without warning, then perhaps you are suffering from anxiety. In addition to meditation and deep breathing, you can try taking a walk or working out in the gym. Aromatherapy scents such as lavender, chamomile, and sandalwood have been thought to help the mind’s receptors and help to ease some of that anxiety. Writing your thoughts down can also help, looking at the thoughts that are making you anxious might help you realize what is real and what is only imagined, or exaggerated, and may even help you make a plan that will help you feel calmer.

 

If your anxiety seems out of control and if you really feel paralyzed, unable to function anywhere near normal, or even start contemplating dying, speaking to a licensed therapist would probably help. Don’t allow yourself to drown in panic, guilt, or fear. A professional can help you identify triggers, help you to learn calming methods, or perhaps prescribing anti-anxiety meds, could help. If you need help, get help and take care of yourself.

 

High Anxiety

Having extreme fears, or phobias, can be life-stopping. Some phobias may seem foolish to others, but they are not foolish or funny to the person who is suffering.

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia is a fear of long words, wow, that’s a really long word to describe that fear — it’s almost scary to even try to pronounce it; by the way it’s “hippo-poto-monstro-sis-cupid-ali-o-phobia”. Why would someone have such a fear? Understanding the possible reason(s) might make others feel a bit more indulgent and could help ease someone’s phobia. No matter how ironic the description is, the fear is real to the person who is suffering.

Phobias can affect a person physically, mentally and emotionally. Symptoms like rapid heartbeats, nausea, sweating, anxiety, feeling terrified, crying, avoidance and embarrassment can suddenly take hold of an individual who is scared and triggered by his fear. No one is born with a phobia, it can be caused by an unpleasant incident, pain or loss. The child who sees their house on fire may easily develop a fear of fire (Pyrophobia). If a person has been injured in a crowd, they might develop Enochlophobia, and avoid possible crowded situations; this may be similar to Agoraphobia which is a fear of being trapped in a dangerous and uncontrollable situation. Agnosiophobia is a fear of not knowing what’s going to happen and can be paralyzing as the victim subconsciously wants to avoid an previous unpleasant occurrence.

The human mind reacts to everything its owner has lived through. The anxiety that fear causes is not something that will respond to logic, lecturing, and definitely not scolding. A phobia is a disorder that affects a person’s ability to cope with certain situations, it is more than just a fear like screaming on a roller coaster. Anxiety caused by a phobia can often feel like impending doom and it is not easily controlled or can be forced to be ignored. People with phobias often know that their fear is irrational, but it is real to them.

If you are with a person experiencing a panic attack from a phobia, let them know they can talk with you about it and don’t be angry if they choose not to. Don’t try to badger them with “common sense” or tell them they have no reason to be so scared, don’t try to bully them into being “normal”. Don’t bring up their phobia just because you want to talk about it, that can actually trigger their anxiety; however it is okay to let them know you are there (in person or by phone) to talk anytime they need to. If that person suddenly gets irritable during a panic attack, be quick to forgive them. Find things to do as friends with the individual who suffers, but don’t try to push them into a triggering event.

Phobias and anxiety can take time to cure or even get control of, don’t expect that they will suddenly get over it. Often the best option for someone paralyzed by their fears is to talk with a professional therapist — be supportive of their efforts. Be aware that someone’s anxiety could have a negative effect on you and if it does a therapist or support group may be able to help you cope with your friend or loved one’s emotions. Anxiety is treatable and someone you care about is certainly worth the time. Be a friend.

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What's In a Writer's Mind?

I am obviously the source of great consternation for my offspring. Just a few days ago my daughter questioned my comfort level with my rather solitary work conditions.

True, I work out of my home and spend the bulk of my time on the computer… I tried to explain that in addition to whatever writing projects I am working on, I also have to do research and promotions. And yes, I do enjoy the occasional social chat or email. Besides I live in an area where going anywhere besides a visit to one of my neighbors requires driving, something I only do out of necessity.

“But Mom, sometimes we worry that you’re becoming an agoraphobic.”

This made me laugh. But I did look up the true meaning of agoraphobia just to be sure; agoraphobics generally resist leaving the safety of their homes due to a fear of an uncontrolled setting and fear of social embarrassment. Well that settles it. I assured her that I am in no way even close to the description. First of all, and many of you already know this about me, I had been a volunteer Emergency Medical Technician and first responder for nearly three decades and that means constantly running towards uncontrolled situations – and even more than that, I am probably one of the most shameless folks around, I LOVE to leave people speechless over my behavior!

Now getting back to the solitary nature of my work – a writer’s life is NEVER lonely. We entertain all kinds of company all the time. All of the characters we create and all of the stories running through our minds keep us very busy. Everywhere I go (and despite my children’s concerns I DO go out) there’s always people watching, there are scents and sounds to feed my senses, and there are real life mirages that form the basis of lots of new stories. I always make it a point to examine motivations for the things people do, whether I agree with them or not, because it helps me to add dimension to the characters I create. I never stop working no matter what I am doing because everything I see, feel, hear and think offers the possibility of being in one of my stories.

“But Mom, don’t you ever turn it off?”

I can no more turn off my brain than I can turn off my need to breathe. I told her how her how my rabbi once teased me that he knew I was trying to figure a way to rewrite all the biblical tales to create some new story as I read on a Sabbath morning. She looked at me with doubt. I reassured her that no writer ever stops working even when they sleep and then I told her about my dear friend Charmaine Gordon who “sleep writes” and keeps a memo pad on her nightstand to record the dreams she turns into great works of fiction.

I don’t know what it is about the way our brains work, but other writers understand our drive to weave our fiction and manipulate our words. Perhaps there is something questionable about the writer’s mind. For years everyone said that the right brain fostered creative energy and went on to claim that writers and other artists were truly “in their right minds”; nowadays there are alleged professionals refuting the right brain-left brain theories and taking away our claim to the creative right. While we all may raise an eyebrow or two when we hear someone say they hear voices in their head, writers may indeed feel a kinship. …maybe there is just a bit of, ahem, you know.

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added note  (3/3):

While I certainly didn't plan it ahead with him, last night during the Academy Award ceremony, Robert DeNiro added to this post with these words:  "The mind of a writer can be a terrifying thing - isolated, neurotic, caffeine-addled, crippled by procrastination, consumed by feelings of panic, self-loathing, and crushing inadequacy - and that's on a good day"

I think it is just fantastic that Mr. DeNiro agrees with me!