I Am Who I Am

I began my life as a writer long before I ever married and after marriage I continued to use my maiden name professionally while I used my married name socially (to be completely honest, I was married BEFORE local laws allowed a woman NOT to change her name to her husband’s). I wear both names with pride, both Chelle Cordero and Mrs. E. Even my official IDs carry both surnames.

So it took me back a bit the other day when this rather nasty old man accused me of using a different surname than my hubby for some nefarious purposes! I felt like shouting “I’m a professional woman married to a man who doesn’t suffer from a low ego!” — But I didn’t. In this day and age, why should I have to explain why I use the name I do? And I’ve never hidden that I am married to Mr. E. and anyone who knows either of us has never questioned the legitimacy.

 Several of my friends also use their maiden names in their professional lives, some of them never even changed it upon marriage. None of our husbands are so small minded that they begrudge the names we go by. I admit that when my own offspring were being married I did marvel at the marriage license application where not only were women given the choice of what name they would use, but so were the men! (and it was their decision for the man’s surname to be used) Times sure have changed, I for one applaud that.

Of course we’ve had some amusing events because of the “different” names. For several years we both freelanced for a newspaper, I worked as a writer and Mark worked as a photographer. There were several times we were assigned to cover the same subject and while we never hid our relationship, we always introduced ourselves by our working names.

There was one day when I left the room where I had just interviewed a subject to get some info from his business partner; Mark remained in the room taking pictures. Out of the blue our subject asked if Mark thought I might be interested in going out with him… Mark took a moment and then replied, she’s married. The subject thought about it and then asked Mark if I was the type to date anyway, without missing a beat, he said, “Her husband has a bit of a temper.” Mark told me about the conversation as we were driving home (okay, I admit, it was a bit of an ego boost, lol).

So really, what is in a name? Neither woman nor man should have to give up their own identities because they want to share their lives with each other. The choice of which name or combination of names should only be made by the individuals involved. Be proud of who you are and who you’ve chosen to be with, it is nobody else’s business.

The great Invention ~ #MondayBlogs

It doesn’t matter if you’re 23 or 65, there comes a time (usually multiple) that you need to re-invent yourself. Most people think re-invention is only about careers, but it could be about your health, your looks, your home life or relationships.

You’ve made it this far doing things the way you do so why change it now? Maybe you just work up realizing that you aren’t where you want to be, or maybe some drastic change around you has happened to throw your world into a tailspin. (If that’s happened my dear friend Author Charmaine Gordon says to “just put one foot in front of the other”, it’s good advice).

What do you want in life? What are your true passions, your dreams and your likes? Make a list of where and who you want to be. Even if you want something seemingly fanciful, aim for it. If it proves to be unrealistic at least you’ve tried and you’ve probably made significant moves in the right direction.

Work and careers: My mom always told me that if you enjoy your work, you’ll never (feel) work a day in your life. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to look forward to what you do all day long and still pay your bills? It isn’t uncommon to pursue a career based on favorite hobbies. Hone your skills, take night classes (often offered at a local high school for little or no cost) to learn new talents.

Health and body: Improve your diet by eating the right foods, losing/gaining weight (slowly and regularly), getting adequate sleep and taking time for yourself (personal grooming). If you are changing your diet make sure to see a dietician to make sure that your nutritional needs are being met. Add regular exercise into your daily schedule, it doesn’t have to be extensive calisthenics, even walking 15-to-30 minutes a day counts.

Home life/relationships: If the person or people you spend time with leave you feeling low, or you don’t look forward to your own four walls, maybe it’s time to move on. Surround yourself with folks who have similar interest and values, who intrigue you, and who make you feel important and special. Maybe it’s time for you to change location – look at your potential opportunities. You might feel comfortable staying in the community or you might want to move to an entirely different region. Consider your ties to an area (family and friends), your job opportunities  the weather and climate, safety and your budget.

It takes time so don’t get discouraged, but if you don’t see movement within a few years, re-evaluate the steps you’re taking to move towards your target. Re-invent yourself and be happy.