Oh come now, you know that everyone
is going to make use of that iconic line – and that is just the way the late
Joan Rivers would want it.
The world lost another comedic great
this week so shortly after the loss of Robin Williams, but honoring these two
who brought so much laughter into our world means we must keep laughing. Joan
Rivers left her wishes for all to know and see in her book, I Hate Everyone...Starting with Me; her
wish list is making the rounds and
already bringing chuckles and laughter Joan Rivers’ Funeral Wish List: Beyonce
Hair, A Valentino Gown And Sobbing Meryl Streep (from MTV News).
Funerals
should be a celebration of the person’s life and all that they gave us. While
we all “hope” we will be missed, we don’t want our loved ones to be left bereft
and inconsolable, I sure as heck don’t want to be the reason my family and
friends are miserable. I think everyone should leave a wish list for their
funerals and the top of that list should include some way to make their
families smile and return to their lives… and some laughter wouldn’t be so
terrible either.
My
husband and I lost our parents (all 4) within a relatively short period of time.
My dad was first, my father-in-law just a mere 18 days later. In planning my
father’s funeral service we hired a “Rent-a-Rabbi”. The man was eloquent and
showed the grieving family the best of compassion and kindness - we were very
happy with the selection. My dad was involved in the community and my parents
had a lot of friends so the room was overflowing. The rabbi began his sermon
with the words “And when I
die…” and went on to talk about how the large throng of
mourners was a tribute to the life my dad lived. It was a beautiful sermon with
a moving eulogy and our family felt that the rabbi did my father a great honor.
Less
than three weeks later after my father-in-law passed away, my mother-in-law
liked what she had seen and hired the same rabbi to perform the service; living
in the same community as my parents, the funeral home was the same as well.
Again, there was a very impressive turnout of folks. The rabbi stood in front
of the crowd and began his sermon “And when I die…” and until the
personalized eulogy, it was the same speech. All of the relatives looked at one
another in surprise which we did manage to hide from most of the crowd.
Afterwards we rationalized that the rabbi probably had a pre-set group of
sermons to deliver, after all he did a
lot of funerals, and just didn’t think twice about using the same speech in
such a short time period – it isn’t often, I believe, that the same exact
family had use of his services so soon after the first.
A
year and a half later, my mom passed away. This time the funeral location was
more than 40 miles away and yet the same rabbi’s name appeared on the preferred
officiate list – well despite the repeated speech, we were very happy with his eloquence
and services at least twice before, my mom had really liked his gentleness, so
we hired him again. Well do I need to tell you? He looked out over the crowd of
mourners and began his speech “And when I die…” – my sister and I were
seated on either side of my grandmother, my mother’s mom, and our husbands sat
beside each of us. Bobi, my sister, and I looked at each other over Grandma’s
head and began laughing, uncontrollably. Terribly embarrassed about laughing at
a funeral and not wanting to upset our grandmother any more we hid our faces in
our husbands’ shoulders. Well everyone thought we were crying hysterically – “those
poor Cordero girls, this is just too much for them…”; we laughed harder.
Somehow Mark (my husband) and Del (Bobi’s husband) managed to hold it together
although they both fought the smirks. (Later they told us how contagious our
laughter was)
It
was then that I decided that at my funeral SOMEONE, ANYONE, needs to announce
loudly and clearly “And
when I die…” and I hope that it will bring as much
laughter to the room and my loved ones and that it will NOT be hidden. I’ve
told my family members and close friends of this wish and I hope they remember, but if you are in
attendance and it isn’t said, please do it yourself – thanks.
By
the way, when my mother-in-law passed away a few years later, we used a
different rabbi.
