Do It Well ~ #MondayBlogs

Madonna and Stevie Wonder performed Purple Rain and paid tribute to Prince at the Billboard Music Award Ceremony; it was honest admiration for all that he stood for. Whether you enjoyed or approved of his music, there is no denying that Prince was an exceptional and well-acclaimed artist during his too-short life. With multiple Grammy Awards, a Golden Globe Award, an Academy Award and induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 2004, he was an accomplished and significant artist who rightfully earned the respect of many. He is and will be remembered for a long, long time.

We should all strive to do things at our best, to take pride in our endeavors, and to do well whether we receive accolades or not in our lifetime. If we live our lives fully and enrich the lives of those around us then in a way we are paying tribute to ourselves out of self-respect. We are each capable of greatness if we believe in ourselves. In reality we shouldn’t be competing with others, we should always be looking for a personal best. Each time we believe we have reached the pinnacle of our performance we need to push ourselves just a bit further. Success is not one accomplishment and stagnating, it is growing on that success to make it even richer and better.

What do you want to accomplish in your life? Your goals do not need to be a singer and musician like Prince, you don’t need to be Stephen King or J.K. Rowling, you don’t even need to be the world’s greatest athlete, or a renowned politician… you only need to pursue and do the best you can at whatever your dream is. Believe in yourself. Believe in every inspirational adage and cliché you’ve ever heard — keep your eye on the ball; if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again; dance like nobody is watching; excellence is not an act, but a habit; and more. Keep reaching, keep striving, and never settle.

You are allowed to “always want a little more” when wanting more will keep you always trying to improve. Satisfaction and contentment isn’t earned by knowing you’ve reached the top, but by knowing you keep getting better and better. Believe in yourself. Believe that you can do whatever you set your mind to do. Know that you have succeeded each time you get half a step further on your journey than you did the time before.

Be positive, not just for yourself, for the people around you as well. Positivity just seems to grow and everyone can benefit. Contribute yourself daily to making the world a happier and better place. Do your life well and know that your “tributes” will come, people will respect you — it doesn’t matter if it is name performers on a stage or the everyday people who have surrounded you in your lifetime, you will be remembered and that is the greatest tribute anyone could ever receive. 

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What will they remember? - #MondayBlogs

So, when your eulogy is being read,
with your life’s actions to rehash…
would you be proud of the things they say
about how you spent YOUR dash?

(poem by Linda Ellis)

When my time comes to move on from this world I often wonder if my absence will be felt. Oh I know my immediate family will miss me – it’s fairly obvious that when you are a part of someone’s daily life your absence will be noticed and quite possibly mourned. But how will I be remembered by my neighbors, the community, people that I have had contact with for work through the years… will I be remembered for the times I volunteered in different organizations, or for the works I’ve written as a writer?

Will I be remembered at all? After I’ve been lowered into the ground will anyone even think of me; will anyone feel grateful that they ever knew me; will I have made a difference in anyone’s life? A personal fear that I have always had (sssh, I’m telling you this in confidence…) is that after I am gone, I will have just taken up space on this planet and that this world will be no better or worse for my having been here.

Like most of us I dabble now and then on social media sites and I’ve enjoyed indulging my need for nostalgia by being a part of groups like school alumni or neighborhood crowds from my childhood. I am always amazed and pleasantly surprised when I’m remembered by someone from my past that I lost touch with long ago. Somehow I must have been more than just body taking up space and I am encouraged.

Some people are encouraging the idea of “Living Eulogies”, speeches others would say about a life while the person is still around (on this earth) to hear. Sometimes referred to as “The Dash” these speeches talk about the things that dash represents, everything that went on between the birth date and the date of death. What contributions did the subject make to the world around him? How did she impact the lives of the people she knew. A Living Eulogy can be a tribute for an elderly family member, a way of showing appreciation at a milestone event, or even for some who wants a preview of what will be said eventually.

Would I want to hear my eulogy while I could sit there and critique it? Would the eulogy be truly something that would be said at my funeral with just the good stuff — or would it be honest and spoken by folks who truly know me and would I really want to hear the truth? My mother always said not to speak ill of the dead; I can’t help but think of the joke where a Rabbi was delivering a eulogy for a man and his widow turned to her son and asked him to check to make sure it really was his father in the casket.

Hopefully when my time comes there will be good things to be said by people who will even remember my name.

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Can we talk?

Oh come now, you know that everyone is going to make use of that iconic line – and that is just the way the late Joan Rivers would want it.

The world lost another comedic great this week so shortly after the loss of Robin Williams, but honoring these two who brought so much laughter into our world means we must keep laughing. Joan Rivers left her wishes for all to know and see in her book, I Hate Everyone...Starting with Me; her wish list is making the rounds and already bringing chuckles and laughter Joan Rivers’ Funeral Wish List: Beyonce Hair, A Valentino Gown And Sobbing Meryl Streep (from MTV News).

Funerals should be a celebration of the person’s life and all that they gave us. While we all “hope” we will be missed, we don’t want our loved ones to be left bereft and inconsolable, I sure as heck don’t want to be the reason my family and friends are miserable. I think everyone should leave a wish list for their funerals and the top of that list should include some way to make their families smile and return to their lives… and some laughter wouldn’t be so terrible either.

My husband and I lost our parents (all 4) within a relatively short period of time. My dad was first, my father-in-law just a mere 18 days later. In planning my father’s funeral service we hired a “Rent-a-Rabbi”. The man was eloquent and showed the grieving family the best of compassion and kindness - we were very happy with the selection. My dad was involved in the community and my parents had a lot of friends so the room was overflowing. The rabbi began his sermon with the words “And when I die…” and went on to talk about how the large throng of mourners was a tribute to the life my dad lived. It was a beautiful sermon with a moving eulogy and our family felt that the rabbi did my father a great honor.

Less than three weeks later after my father-in-law passed away, my mother-in-law liked what she had seen and hired the same rabbi to perform the service; living in the same community as my parents, the funeral home was the same as well. Again, there was a very impressive turnout of folks. The rabbi stood in front of the crowd and began his sermon “And when I die…” and until the personalized eulogy, it was the same speech. All of the relatives looked at one another in surprise which we did manage to hide from most of the crowd. Afterwards we rationalized that the rabbi probably had a pre-set group of sermons to deliver, after all he did  a lot of funerals, and just didn’t think twice about using the same speech in such a short time period – it isn’t often, I believe, that the same exact family had use of his services so soon after the first.

A year and a half later, my mom passed away. This time the funeral location was more than 40 miles away and yet the same rabbi’s name appeared on the preferred officiate list – well despite the repeated speech, we were very happy with his eloquence and services at least twice before, my mom had really liked his gentleness, so we hired him again. Well do I need to tell you? He looked out over the crowd of mourners and began his speech “And when I die…” – my sister and I were seated on either side of my grandmother, my mother’s mom, and our husbands sat beside each of us. Bobi, my sister, and I looked at each other over Grandma’s head and began laughing, uncontrollably. Terribly embarrassed about laughing at a funeral and not wanting to upset our grandmother any more we hid our faces in our husbands’ shoulders. Well everyone thought we were crying hysterically – “those poor Cordero girls, this is just too much for them…”; we laughed harder. Somehow Mark (my husband) and Del (Bobi’s husband) managed to hold it together although they both fought the smirks. (Later they told us how contagious our laughter was)

It was then that I decided that at my funeral SOMEONE, ANYONE, needs to announce loudly and clearly “And when I die…” and I hope that it will bring as much laughter to the room and my loved ones and that it will NOT be hidden. I’ve told my family members and close friends of this wish and I hope they remember, but if you are in attendance and it isn’t said, please do it yourself – thanks.

By the way, when my mother-in-law passed away a few years later, we used a different rabbi.