WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT…

...and in many ways, we are all the same. So why is there so much hate these days? Why does looking or being “different” create so much suspicion and animosity?

 

In school kids make fun of other children who “look” different, it can be a child with prophylactics, who wears glasses, or even who comes to school in tattered clothes because of family finances. Maybe the child comes from a different culture which has a unique clothing style, or even wears a pendant of their faith. Some can make fun of children who may have a different skin color, or are overweight, or can’t speak fluent English, or anything that is different from “the cool kids”. Parents and teachers need to teach children about diversity in both culture, lifestyle and economic means.

 

Anti-bias education, at home and in the school, is a crucial step to opening children’s minds to acceptance. Things like teaching children that occupations are not gender-specific will help to bridge the gender gap, knowing that a little girl can grow up to lead a construction crew, or a little boy can study to be nurse (as examples) are ways to help children live up to their own personal potentials despite societal norms. Encouraging children to take personal pride in their cultural traditions AND accepting others who do the same will help them as they grow up and are exposed to diversity.

 

Exposing children to anti-bias books (appropriate for their age) will help to open their minds to peoples’ differences and humanity. It’s important not to stay quiet or discourage conversation — if the child questions how a girl can grow up to be the President for example, don’t admonish them. Encourage conversation and help them, through subtle questions and discussion starters, see all the things they are capable of and that no profession is specific to one gender. Ask them about hobbies and dreams. Maybe a young boy will tell others he likes to sew or crochet and the other children giggle, don’t admonish but tell them about fashion designers like Michael Kors or the tailor down the street. Help to foster interest in other children’s cultures and traditions by giving an opportunity to share fun customs and possibly sample cuisines.

 

When parents and teachers have open minds and accept the differences EVERYONE has, it is easier to teach and help children to learn anti-bias behavior. It’s not too late to start. Watch the words you use, avoid stereotypes, open yourself to learning about others and offering knowledge about your own background. Stress the similarities, but don’t ignore the variety of things others can bring to any conversation or experience. Let’s work on being humans first and accept those around us without prejudice.

 

 

 

 

 

SOME FOLKS JUST WANT TO ARGUE…

 

It gets frustrating when all YOU want to do is come up with constructive ways to improve a situation. You don’t start off criticizing or even talking about different viewpoints… maybe you are just trying to get folks involved. Not every argument is personal or about your relationship.

But along comes that ONE PERSON who just has to throw in a nasty about someone, dredges up something from the far-away past that has NOTHING to do with the discussion, and like a mad-dog, attacks. And then a bunch of people just jump on the bandwagon to throw nasty barbs around and no one even mentions the original issues anymore.

SIMPLY FRUSTRATING!

Some psychologists say that people who NEED to argue are doing it to boost their own self-esteem; they feel the need to impose their way to feel important. I imagine when they were young, they might have been the school-yard bullies, or maybe they were the ones picked on and now feel the need to attack before they are.

Unfortunately arguing back seems to only build their feeling of importance, maybe because they are getting such strong reactions and it seems to feed their needs. So really the best way to deal with the compulsive arguer is to just ignore them — I don’t think that is the easiest method for most of us and unfortunately things just seem to intensify.

It may take near super-human efforts, but the “experts” recommend not feeding into the arguments. Don’t try to make the aggressor see things your way. Don’t attack back. Ask questions, let someone explain their feelings. Do not let the aggressor, or you, make it personal. If you can, without confronting, try to steer the conversation back to the original intent; ask how he/she would recommend solving the ORIGINAL problem. Above all, stay calm (yes, if you are like me that might take counting SILENTLY to ten several times, lol).

If things are completely out-of-control, maybe you need to find a way to END the argument (preferably without coming to blows!). Try not to walk away in anger. Let the person know that they have been heard, whether or not you agree. If at all possible, find common ground in resolving the original issue. If there is anyway to think about the issue from their perspective, try, and let them know you are looking at it from their point of view. One way you MIGHT be able to end the argument is to suggest taking the time to think about it. Unfortunately, though, understand that some people won’t want to end the argument and you will have to find a way to walk away… even if it is just an excuse.

It’s difficult to get anything done constructively when there are those who are more interested in a power play or giving themselves a VOICE (possibly in the only way they think they can be heard). The sooner you can de-escalate the argument, the more chance you have to get back to your original purpose to possibly unite a group, initiate actions, or just simply raise interest. Remember that everyone will see things in a different way, it does pay to listen, but it also doesn’t mean that anyone needs to be berated or tormented.

Remember, smile and stay calm. Never lose your motivation. Don’t get discouraged.

People in our lives ~ #MondayBlogs

“No one can cross the path that is your life without 

leaving some footprints behind” ~ Chelle Cordero

It is my belief that every person we encounter in our life changes us, sometimes significantly and sometimes barely. We have conversations where we can learn, we bump shoulders and get attitudes, we share a special smile and their cologne lingers. Later we smell the cologne and automatically smile, we see someone frown and we think of our annoyance, or we suddenly have an answer to someone’s query and can’t remember where we learned it.

There are strange friendships formed with random people. We find ourselves enjoying discussions and look forward to our next chance meeting. What is the reason these people are placed in our paths? Is there a higher power controlling these encounters? Or is it just plain simple chance? Whatever the reason for these acquaintances it helps us to grow and learn, and we should be grateful for these experiences. When we listen as well as talk we open our minds, we learn, and we think. We engage in conversations that interest us and these are the opportunities where we can immerse ourselves in topics that might not normally be part of our everyday existence.

While I do not like the vitriol that often accompanies political arguments before elections, I do enjoy the well-informed sharing of ideas. For the most part I admit that there has been no FaceBook discussion that has changed my mind about who to vote for, but when these cyber friends are willing to share researched and verified facts I like to absorb the information, and it is especially welcomed when they are willing to listen to other verified facts, even those that present another view; for me I have more clarity and confidence in my perspective and decisions. 

And while you may ask how we both present true facts and yet still disagree on our chosen candidate, we each have priorities and what may be important to me is not necessarily the most important to someone else. In Junior High School I had a teacher who taught us how to debate by arguing the side we did not believe in; he said that it taught us how to see things from other viewpoints and it certainly did.

Of course the people I believe have had the most influence in my life are my immediate family members: my parents, my sister, my husband and my children. These are the people who have taught me how to love unconditionally and still feel entitled to my own opinions. My parents, now long gone, left me lessons that help me work out problems and challenges even now, many years later. My family has shown me that true love means seeing someone’s faults and Laurels and still knowing how deeply you need and love that person.

My daughter once countered me during a disagreement by saying that we had only ourselves to blame for raising our children to think “for themselves”, something which, to be perfectly honest, I greatly respect them for. I learn from each member by hearing and seeing things through their ears and eyes. So as they have thought for themselves and married people just as headstrong, they have easily shared their opinions and given us lots of “food for thought”.

Value every person that you cross paths with. Every person adds something to your life even if it was just a momentary contact. Treasure the good experiences and rely on those memories when you need encouragement — and, while I hope they are few and far between, use the negative moments to help you make decisions which will avoid the disappointments in the future. 

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