The Sounds of Encouragement ~ #MondayBlogs

The world is such a stressful place. Was it always that way for adults and as kids we were oblivious to real life? Or are things really just filled with a constant state of angst these days? We go through life worried about health issues, concerned about money, fearful about terrorism, scared of losing our security and a myriad of other negative feelings. It sounds so easy just to say remove yourself from the stress, but the truth is most of us can’t afford to remove ourselves from our lives.

Somehow many of us manage to bounce back and defy the odds for the big things and yet the small disappointments are the ones that seem to drive us over the edge. There are days when all you want to do is sit back and fight the urge to “cry Uncle”. Into every life a little disappointment must fall (along with clichés obviously). When our disappointments and struggles seem to become so overwhelming, and we are vehemently opposed to burying our heads in the sand we need to find ways to pull ourselves up and rebuild our inner resources to face the world again. Sometimes it doesn’t feel easy.

So HOW do we move on? How do we regain our confidence? How do we pull ourselves out of that funk and become viable adults once again? We each have to find our own best method, but here are a few that I’ve used or people near and dear to me have used. Some are encouragement mantras; others are mere symbols of what could be.

Many, many years ago I was driving on a local road in a rainstorm; my two young children were in the back seat when I went around a blind curve and partially under a truck trying to maneuver that curve from the other direction. I had a few scratches on my leg, my daughter bumped her face against the door and my son complained of feeling like the seatbelt had “punched him in the stomach” — all minor injuries. The car was totaled. I took a picture of the car after it was towed to the junkyard and I look at it whenever I feel defeated… if we were able to walk away from a wreck like that relatively unscathed, there is a lot that we are capable of surmounting.

A dear friend of mine says that when life kicks you down, you just have to get up and put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward.

Someone else dear to me says that whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

Others stand in front of mirrors telling themselves how wonderful they are.

Still more recite the serenity prayer every day and especially in times of stress.

Some pray,

Whatever it takes for you to feel encouraged, find a way and move back into life

"Do not take life too seriously. 

You will never get out of it alive." 

- Elbert Hubbard 

How to Support an Author ~ #MondayBlogs

We may act all sure of ourselves, but writers are really an insecure bunch. We depend, like Blanche DuBois, on the kindness of strangers.

I've been writing professionally as a career since 1981, mostly non-fiction (newspaper and magazine articles, ad copy, and more). In the 1990s I decided to pursue my dream of writing fiction, so I wrote stories that had basis only in my mind. Finally I had a full length manuscript in my hands. After a few false starts and a new and different manuscript I was able to call my self a published author.

One of the nicest things I've found since becoming a novelist is the general support amongst authors. Definitely there are a FEW who are too competitive and allow their not-so-nice side to rule their day, but fortunately as I said those are the few.

I have found other authors who are willing to constructively critique current WIPs, will post, re-post, Tweet and even host other authors, are willing to include others in book store signings and provide helpful advice and tips based on personal experiences. I honestly don't know, at least not personally, any other professional field with the same support system.

If you are venturing into writing for (hopefully) publication, yes you will find those days when, for lack of a better description, you just want to crawl under a rock and hide. There will be days when you face your first, or even subsequent book reviews, with trepidation so gripping as to seemingly paralyze you. Mailing a query to a publisher, whether or not you've already been published, will have you holding your breath until you get a response. Wanting to become a professional author is a little bit like asking to be flogged in public daily.

If you are an author here are some things you can do to support your fellow authors - Use your social media accounts to boost other writers by sharing posts or using the link buttons at the bottom of an author's blog post. Even clicking the "LIKE" button on the other authors' FaceBook posts will help. Tweet or re-Tweet their special news. Interview an author on your blog, with both of you publicizing it you'll probably get a lot of new traffic which also helps you in the long run. Review books, authors LOVE getting reviews. Get involved with other authors both online and in-person. Join Street Teams and help spread the word about your favorite authors in person and/or online.

Enroll in periodic and seasonal blog hops and other combination events. Two weekly blog hops that I participate in are Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday (on FaceBook) where writers from various genres post mini-excerpts from their work and invite everyone to comment. Seeing your work through someone elses's eyes is truly eye-opening and even if this work is already published you will get helpful insights for your current and future writing. There are also various email groups where authors can share, in a sheltered environment. Get involved.

Do not tear into another author, especially not publicly; yes you may do them some damage, but you will hurt yourself even more — no one likes a whiner, or worse, a nasty SOB. Chronic complaining online, about your life, other authors, publishers, etc. will make you unlikable to many would/could be fans. Respond to other authors with the same respect that you want to be treated with.

Smile and the whole word smiles with you.

I thank each one of you for your support.

Chelle & Charmaine Gordon at a multi-author event

Home is Where the Safety Net Is ~ #MondayBlogs

As we have now reached the time in our lives when we are facing empty-nest years, I can't help looking back and examining our parenting prowess and hoping that we did a decent job.

In our home our children brought home school drawings and projects which were posted on the refrigerator and the kitchen walls. Our living room walls were filled with family pictures (predominantly the children) through the years, and even when they were "naughty" and being receiving just-punishment, they were never denied affirmations of love. As a mom I tended to be over-protective and it took a whole lot of will-power to learn to cut the apron-strings, but I wanted my children to feel and be safe from whatever forces I could control.  We wanted our children to know the real world, even the ugly side, but we never wanted them to feel they would have to face it alone.

I believe that a child's home should be the place they feel safe, secure, encouraged and loved.  I know that there are situations where children are cheated by abusive parents and that thought so totally angers me. I am talking about the "average" expectations of home life — the type of environment every child should be entitled to; I wish every child happiness, safety and love.

My 30-year-old just married son  and I had a recent conversation about parenting. His insights, as usual, left me thinking.

We talked his definition of a Safe Haven, a term I've used to try to describe my ideal of home life. To him a Safe Haven kept a child isolated from real-world problems, the parents would shelter their offspring and in the end, not because of any ill-will, deny them the ability to make hard decisions on their own. According to my son, parents need to allow their children to fail now and then, and to learn that they are not always the best. He was vehement that Participation Trophies are horrible life lessons that served as a reward for not even trying. But he did assure me that his childhood was filled with love and encouragement and that he wasn't complaining.

Even though we might have disagreed on some definitions, we did agree on the need to encourage children to try their best and that there were times they might not succeed. It is okay to fail IF YOU TRIED and that winning was never a requirement to be loved; however competition was healthy and winners should be acknowledged and rewarded. If you support the idea of Participation Trophies for very young children, they should never replace or be substituted for winning accolades. If someone (child or adult) is part of a winning team effort, you can acknowledge all of the players, but the reward for the MVP should stand out. Truth be told, if my effort and accomplishment is greater than another person's, it is a slight to receive the same recognition — why should I even bother?

Daughter and son are married adults with spouses who help to provide support and encouragement nowadays. Our daughter has constantly reminded us that we raised her to be independent and able to make her own decisions and when necessary they work their problems and decisions out as couples.. I am comforted by how capable they both are. I look forward to the day I get to see what kind of parents my offspring will be, which of our methods will be emulated and which will be avoided.

For now, I am learning to cook for two again, to make our own plans and to admire the adults our children have become. And I am hoping that I've done a decent job as mom.