Grief

We've all experienced it, it's that ache inside your chest that has led to the common and anatomically wrong description of "a broken heart". Your heart may feel like it's breaking over the loss of a parent, a sibling, a pet, or any loved one. Sometimes grief strikes over the ending of a way of life, the loss of a dream, a worrisome medical diagnosis, or the breaking of a cherished object, but there it is.  Grief never leaves, it is just something that you learn to live with.

 

No one's grief is as intent or paralyzing as another's. No one solution will work for all to put grief away in a tidy little box and only visit it occasionally. A response from someone may seem callous at first… just get over it… it might be that person's inability to process or deal with their own fear of grief. Grief is like a fingerprint and different for each person, and even different for one person dealing with more than one loss. Grief's five letters, like fingers of a hand, will slap you until you can no longer turn away.

 

The past two years have been tough on so many, Covid deaths and losses, isolation from loved ones, failed businesses, lost income, and so many lost opportunities. Yes, things MAY be easing now, but it's so much time lost, so many changes. So many of us are confused between our anger and our sorrow. So many of us just want to resume our NORMAL lives, but we can't, we can't rewind to a time we felt safer and more connected. So many of us are struggling. So many are mourning losses, time, missed events, missed memories, and now we are just expected to resume our lives as if nothing ever happened.

 

If you are struggling, there is help…

The Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1-800-273-8255

Veterans’ Crisis Line

1-800-273-8255 press 1

National Drug Helpline

1-844-289-0879

Reach out, for yourself and for others

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

LIFE HAPPENS

 

As we go through life there are many "ups-and-downs". As for the "downs", most times the effect is momentary, and we just get on with life. Some of the "downs" do stay with us such as the loss of a loved one, but many find HEALTHY coping mechanisms and get back to living their lives — never forgetting but managing to move forward. And then there are those who find that they need help… it is not wrong to need help, it doesn't make anyone "less" or "damaged", it is just sometimes we need something more than what we can muster from within (kind of like needing medicine to get over an ailment).

 

We can find HEALTHY forms of help all around us. Sometimes we need to speak with a PROFESSIONAL, a counselor or psychiatrist. Sometimes we can speak with a compassionate and well-meaning friend. Sometimes we find the strength we need to move on within a group-support system; as a friend recently said, "who else should I turn to but people who know EXACTLY what I am going through?" So long as you don't balk at the idea that you are, after all, only human and sometimes need help mending after a trauma, it really doesn't matter so long as you don't ignore your pain and let it fester (again, an analogy, letting an infection continue to grow instead of taking medicine will only cause a lot more problems).

 

We are all different and each one of us, AND ONLY THAT ONE OF US, needs to decide when and how to reach out for help. A method which may work for someone else is not necessarily the right method for all. If you have reached out, whether it is a wise-friend, a PRIVATE support group on social media, an in-person group led by a counselor, or a one-on-one with a Social Worker or Psychiatrist, then it is up to you, AND ONLY YOU, to decide if this is the help you need. If you can feel the healing and strength, then you have probably made the best decision for you. If you aren't feeling some form of relief and mending, then it may be time to move to another step. There is NO weakness in needing AND ACCEPTING help. And again, WHAT WORKS FOR ONE PERSON IS NOT AUTOMATICALLY WHAT EVERYONE ELSE (including you) NEEDS.

 

If you find yourself struggling, there are resources (here are just a FEW):

Online Therapy Services  https://bit.ly/3qGXyT8
Alcoholics Anonymous ~ find help  https://aa.org/
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline  1-800-273-8255
Suicide prevention/Veterans with PTSD  1-800-273-TALK [in the U.S.]
Support for Caregivers  https://bit.ly/3Dw4c24
Grieving the Loss of a Child  https://bit.ly/3ck3DfM

(no endorsements are implied) 

  

What does FAMILY mean?

 

Family is more than just a biological connection. It's love and friendship, it's being there when you are needed… and sometimes when the other person doesn't even realize how much they need your comfort and support.

There's the nuclear family, the one you are born into, usually parents and children. Sometimes you are born into the hearts of your parents (adoption). When you are little, this family seems to be your whole world. If you are lucky there are aunts and uncles, cousins, maybe grandparents… As you grow your family takes on other forms, a marriage, your own children, in-laws, and sometimes close friends.

So how do you cope when the people you count on to be there for you as family turn their backs? How far do you push when the other person has no interest in BEING family? It's never easy to close the door on someone you called family, sometimes though they leave you no other options.

I have friends who have been abandoned by those they thought would be there for them in times of turmoil and it's sad. They've told me stories of being excluded from these people's lives and sometimes even getting arguments because they didn't acknowledge an event that they were never even told about.

Sometimes a person whom you accepted as family (maybe they married in) and continued to think of them that way even after the actual blood connection has been lost, may feel the need to "divorce" themselves from that side of the family. It's heartbreaking to lose yet another family member, but there is really nothing you can do about it.

Cling to those who hold you dear and don't waste time on those who seem to have simply forgotten you. Focus on the people who surround you with love and caring, and who allow you in when they need some love and caring as well. THAT is your family.

.

ONE BAD APPLE

 

What does 'One bad apple' mean?

Meaning: The full form of this proverb is 'one bad apple spoils the barrel', meaning that a bad person, policy, etc, can ruin everything around it.

Unfortunately the human tendency is to see THAT ONE BAD APPLE and assume that the entire barrel is ruined. Even if there are no other bad apples visible, it leaves a negative feeling. Marketing experts will tell you that ONE NEGATIVE can spoil so much of the good that has come before; they go on to explain that, on the average, you need TEN positive impressions to erase that one bad one.

I read a newspaper article the other day where a volunteer fire fighter was arrested on SUSPICION of theft in his department. Every so often we hear of such accusations... please bear in mind that many of these accusations never reach indictment much less conviction. (Yes, sadly there are some that do).

Of course the townspeople start wondering how "honest" all of the members of their first response agencies are; they ask pointed questions about previous fund drives; they wonder how safe it is for a volunteer first responder to enter their homes. And no matter the result of the investigation, the next needed fund drive is severely depleted.

Understand that First Responders are usually the FIRST people to show up and give needed aid when someone dials 911. Also understand that there are many, many First Response agencies that are VOLUNTEER organizations and this means that the people who run to your aid, giving up their own family life and sleep, and often putting themselves at risk, are not doing this for pay or other benefits — most of them are good hearted people concerned about their neighbors.

According to a February 2020 report there are approximately 750,000 VOLUNTEER Fire Fighters, some of whom are also EMTs and Paramedics. New York State alone has more than 65,000 EMS providers consisting of many volunteer and paid personnel. The training to become an EMT, or any of the other steps in EMS ARE THE SAME whether the individual is a volunteer or paid service member. Obviously the numbers are astronomical and the FEW cases of accused wrongdoing are a mere percentage of all the honest people out there.

Definitely someone who is found guilty of criminal misdoing needs to be brought to task. But please do not judge a whole department based on what may be an unproven act — let the authorities investigate properly and take whatever necessary actions are appropriate. But PLEASE do not condemn a whole agency or field because of that "one bad apple". Your First Response agencies, especially the volunteers, need your support so that they can be there when you need them.

You can help all of the volunteer emergency service agencies by volunteering and making donations for their vital operations.

A SAD DAY

 

By the time you are reading this, I will most probably be on my way to my sweet sister’s funeral. When you lose someone that you have always felt so close to, it is not easy.

 

My sister Bobi was my first and forever friend and losing her feels like I have lost a part of myself. As kids she was my protector, a childhood friend called her “the cool big sister” — even as adults she was always trying to make things “easy” for me. We’re not kids anymore… we both have adult children. Bobi was also blessed with grandchildren and her very first great-grandchild.

 

My big sister (who always tried to tell folks that she was the younger sister!) helped me through some dark periods in my life, so often she knew the right thing to say and when to say it. Alright, there were times I balked at things she said, but most times her words rang true. Since our folks died before I was blessed with children, my sister was the one I called when I needed advice, and maybe that’s why she always seemed to take a big interest in my offspring’s welfare because in a small way she helped raise them.

 

We cried together when we lost our parents and other loved ones. And boy did we ever laugh together… not always at the most appropriate times. We had squabbles like most sisters do, but we never stayed angry at each other for long. Talking to each other almost daily was like sustenance to us and our husbands tore their hair out back when long distance calls cost per minute.

 

As a writer her support was immeasurable which is why I feel a bit frustrated that somehow, I can’t find the right words to express the hole I feel now that she is “gone”. Fortunately, our parents raised us with a bit of belief in an afterlife that surrounds our earth-bound selves and I sure as heck hope that is so and that I can always feel her presence in my life. We were five-and-a-half years apart in age but we may as well have been twins, we always seemed to be so connected. I remember the day when my daughter, in a petty mother-daughter disagreement, heard my sister comment on it and my daughter exclaimed, “There’s TWO of them!”… and now there is just me.

 

They say that losing a sibling is a different kind of grief. You lose someone who has known you all, or almost all, of your life. If your parents are already deceased, losing a sibling means losing another vital part of your “elementary family” and takes away a piece of your childhood. Your childhood memories are now only thoughts in your own mind, there’s no more sharing of childhood secrets and adventures. Burying a sibling is also burying a hunk of your life.

 

I am going to choose to remember all of the good times, maybe pick up a long-ago abandoned diary and record those memories that we shared. I will do my best to speak of her to her children and future generations for as long as I am here. And when I close my eyes I hope to picture her in my mind and hear her voice when I am lonely. I will always look up and tell her how much I love her.

Barbara Cordero Du-Bois

September 5, 1948 – June 20, 2021

 

 

JUST TIRED!

 

Have you ever had one of those days when you are just too tired to do anything?

 

Who hasn’t?!

 

This past year, especially since March 2020, the COVID pandemic has thrown almost everyone’s life askew and many of us are just plain, darn tired of the isolation, restrictions and of course the news of so many deaths (more than half-a-million!). But how do you know if your “tiredness” is more than just being TIRED?

 

Being tired can be a momentary feeling, listlessness can be a simple as a common cold, or it can be a feeling as if you are banging up against a brick wall with no hope of saving yourself. You are the one that knows yourself best, but that does not mean that you are the only one who can save yourself. Know the signs of burn out and depression.

 

Do you feel as if you have NOTHING to look forward to, as if life has simply left you behind? Do you have difficulty in finding any enjoyment in things you once looked forward to? Do you find that you just don’t care anymore? Do you find it impossible to complete the simple tasks you once were able to breeze through? And do you find yourself using crutches like alcohol, drugs or behavior you wouldn’t normally do? Is it difficult to sleep nights, or do you wake up feeling as if you haven’t slept at all? Do you feel sad as well as fatigued?

 

All cases of severe tiredness and fatigue, especially when you can answer YES to a number of the questions above, should never be ignored. Medically there are a number of reasons why you may be feeling so overtaxed and washed out — don’t ever let a doctor dismiss your symptoms. There are conditions which can affect your blood, your bones, and your mental well-being that MIGHT be affecting you, even your medications might be causing a problem. A full examination and blood-workup might be recommended, so speak to your doctor. (And from my own experience, if the doctor simply laughs and says it’s all in your head without checking you out… get another doctor!)

 

If no physical reasons are found, there is the possibility that you are depressed AND THERE IS NO STIGMA TO SEEKING HELP. While momentary disappointments may be easy to bounce back from, severe depression isn’t. As mentioned above, this past year has been extremely hard on a lot of us; in addition to the pandemic and the financial and social problems it’s caused, our country also went through a very contentious political battle, and social dissension, no matter what the cause, adds to stress. It’s very important to talk and communicate with others, especially professionals, and to make healthy lifestyle choices in your eating habits, exercise, and sleep.

 

There are several support help-lines that will allow you to speak with professional counselors as well as support groups, group counseling and individual counseling services available. Very often your insurance will help cover a portion of any expense you might incur. You can also find tele-therapy with licensed doctors that charge only minimal fees even if you don’t have insurance. Local hospitals and clinics can help put you in touch with the resources you need to help you climb out of your depression.

 

The following resources are just a few and no endorsement is implied:

 If you are a veteran, call the Veterans Crisis Line at 800-273-TALK and press 1 (or chat online at www.VeteransCrisisLine.net).  

 If you or someone else is having thoughts of suicide, call 911 or the Suicide Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 (available 24/7).

Teen-to-Teen Peer counseling is available at 877-YOUTHLINE (WWW.HOPELINE.COM)

AARP lists the Disaster Distress Helpline at 1-800-985-5990 or text TalkWithUs to 66746 for crisis counseling and support for anyone in the U.S. experiencing distress or other behavioral health concerns.

Empathy... better with it or without it

 Definition of empathy (from the Merriam-Webster Dictionary)

the action of understanding, being aware of,
being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing
the feelings, thoughts, and experience
of another of either the past or present 

When you have empathy you can relate to the pain and sorrow that another person may be experiencing — if you hear of someone losing a close family member something triggers your own feeling of loss, either real or imagined. You feel FOR the person because you understand what he is going through.When you understand what that individual is going through you might be able to offer solace, comfort and support. BUT... if your level of empathy encompasses you it may drown you in those emotions causing you mental anguish and making you unable to offer comfort to the bereaved.Being compassionate is a healthy form of empathy as you understand what someone is going through and can still maintain a mental distance by staying aware that this is SOMEONE ELSE'S loss. You can offer support and comfort without losing yourself in the sorrow.Being sympathetic, while certainly nice (on the surface) may or may not be disingenuous. You hear bad news and you offer platitudes — but do you really feel for the individual or just know that it's the polite response?Certain relationships do better when people can empathize with one another. Parents who can truly understand what their children are feeling, their angst and insecurities, can offer much needed support and guidance. Health-care workers can help to emotionally support their patients along with the medical help they provide. However if the empathy is too all-encompassing it is easy to lose oneself, be depressed and insecure. Too much empathy can even result in manifested health problems, sleepless nights, and damage to other relationships.

When it comes to feeling loss, grief is a very personal thing and not everyone feels the same things. Religious customs sometimes play a big role in the way a person grieves and accepts their loss; although it is uncommon that a loss is ever truly “accepted”, the pain often lingers and sometimes causes tears even years later. The relationship a person has had with the now deceased may have been complex, even painful, and the survivor now has to juggle their mixed emotions.

There are times that SOME of us cannot understand another person’s reaction to grief, but do we really have a right to expect someone to break down and cry when that loss happens? Maybe the person is in shock and that overwhelming grief has yet to hit. Or maybe the person’s upbringing taught them unwavering steps to follow? Or, sadly, maybe a person’s childhood left him with an inability to show their emotions?

It’s not for any of us to judge how someone else mourns and grieves. All we can do is be compassionate and certainly never take joy in another’s person’s pain. Remember though that you can always be there and care.

“Any man's death diminishes me,
because I am involved in mankind,
and therefore never send to know
for whom the bells tolls;
it tolls for thee.”
~ John Donne

Appreciation

“We are on this planet but once, and to spend it holding back our gushing appreciation of the things that light us up is a shameful waste.” ~ Jen Sincero

          Some people find it very easy to say the word “Thanks” whether they truly mean it or not. For many it still is a welcomed word to hear, others may hear a “Thanks, but…” when it isn’t sincere. Perhaps we should be grateful for the speaker’s civility and the attempt to acknowledge our efforts, after all there are far too many times when our extra efforts are just, expected.

Although most people do a job well out of self-pride, or hold a door because that is how we were taught to do, or give a thoughtful gift just because we want to bring a smile to someone’s face, it still is wonderful to know that our actions are appreciated. I recently read an acknowledgment page in a fellow author’s book (Brenda Hill, With Full Malice) and upon seeing my name listed it filled me with a nice feeling that I was thought of and remembered for simply answering a (medical) question.

It doesn’t take a huge life changing action to do something to help another person, and it shouldn’t take that huge life changing action to be appreciated. We remember our school teachers that always seemed to fill our learning with excitement. We remember our parents for feeding and clothing us. We might even remember a doctor who helped us through some physical pain. But how often have we really taken the time to say “Thank you” and really mean it? How often have we shared our appreciation with remembrance and even passing along a kindness?

Don’t take advantage of the folks who have made your life better, no matter how minor or major their actions might have been. Get into the habit of letting someone know that they have made even a part of your day a little more pleasant, or your life a whole lot easier. Let your children know the joy they bring to you daily, and let your parents know how much you appreciate every time that they put you first. If you are a boss your employee’s paycheck may be very welcomed, but also letting him/her know that you appreciate the good job she is doing will make her day that much more pleasant.

Showing your sincere gratitude has benefits not only for the recipient but also for you: “Tossing off the half-hearted "thanks" won't cut it; deep gratitude has to come from within and in a meaningful way. This spotlights the highly social aspect of feeling grateful. Gratitude is also getting a great deal of attention as a facet of positive psychology: Practicing gratitude means paying attention to what we are thankful for to the degree of feeling more kind and compassionate toward the world at large.” (Psychology Today)

And in that vein of practicing sincere gratitude, I am thankful for each and every one of my blog readers and those that follow me on social media. Your support is a great part of why I love what I do.

Yes, I’m Angry ~ #MondayBlogs

Yes, I am angry… and you should be too.

Sex can be great when it is something that BOTH parties want, but let’s not sugarcoat the ugly — sexual ABUSE is not great for anyone.

Sexual abuse, whether it is the stranger fondling someone on a crowded subway, forcing someone to perform a non-intercourse sex act, or a #NoMistakingItForWhatItIs rape is abuse and is wrong.

If you have to threaten someone with a weapon, physical strength, emotional blackmail or threats of punishment (of the victim or someone else) in order to “score”, then it is RAPE, ABUSE, WRONG. Clothing, intoxication, the hour of the day or night, or even a history of previous relations is NOT an invitation to get laid. The word NO means IT AIN’T HAPPENING. The inability to say no, or to say anything, means IF I CAN’T CONSENT, YOU DON’T HAVE PERMISSION. Rape is not a mistake, it is a malicious act. And rape is not even sex, it is a sick need for domination. And one more thing, REAL men do not rape, EVER.

Now be aware that rape and sexual abuse can happen to women or men, girls or boys. And sexual abuse can be instigated by men or women. Since I am a woman though I am using the female’s POV.

Most acts of rape or sexual abuse go unreported; many times this is due to shame, the belief that no one will believe the victim, that no one DOES believe the victim (schools are notorious for this), or that the victim is somehow convinced that SHE ASKED FOR IT. Sometimes it takes time before the victim can talk about it and it is long after rape kits can add validity. Sometimes the act can never be spoken about because that is just the way the victim has found to cope. Most times, thankfully, the victim moves on and survives and finds a way to work around the triggers that haunt her for the rest of her life. And sometimes the victim simply denies that she was ever abused… why? Because she couldn’t go on living if she admits it.

Sometimes rape is reported, immediately or shortly after, and the rapist is taken into custody… sometimes even the case does go to court. And invariably the victim is the one who is on trial, lawyers bring up the victim’s social conduct, the clothes she wore, brings in previous lovers to prove promiscuity, and G-d help her if she was ever abused in the past, they will use that to “prove” a pattern where the victim obviously enjoys it.

Of course not all is gloom, we do have a rare conviction now and then and a really fair and impartial judge acknowledges that a young man’s sports accomplishments would be ruined by a long imprisonment so he sends the guy to jail for a whole six months (with good behavior he’s out in three). And the judges who realize how charging a young man with rape could ruin his entire future now that is priceless.

Sigh, one more rant. I am aware that sadly not every report of rape is true, but false reports are extremely rare. There is the occasional set-up, publicity seeker, or woman who is looking to cover her tracks and lie about an illicit evening. And to these women, rare though it may be — your impact is huge and you may as well be raping these victims all over again, because each time your lies are exposed, more true and HONEST victims are doubted and made to suffer again. So congratulations for being part of the pain, I hope you can sleep well… even though you don’t deserve it.

If you have been victimized, you are not alone, you are not wrong and you have nothing to be ashamed of. If you care for someone who has been raped or abused you are not to be blamed. For more information on the ugly truth about sexual abuse, incest, and rape you can go here: https://www.rainn.org/after-sexual-assault and for support check out http://www.aftersilence.org/ or call the WOAR 24 Hour Hotline: 215-985-3333. You can Google regional support groups closer to your location if needed.

 You are not alone. You are not a lost cause. You can heal.

…

A mother’s wish ~ #MondayBlogs

Siblings are often the first childhood playmates and friends; in some families depending on proximity and emotional closeness, cousins are the next best thing especially for an only child. Every mother and father can relate to the dull ache inside that is caused when these childhood buddies fight and hurt each other (emotionally) — if the fighting and hurt progresses to physical damages, the pain and fear becomes sharp and unbearable.

As our children grow into adulthood and parents, aunts and uncles get older, we worry that our dear, sweet children might not stay close and be there for each other during the good as well as bad times.

It’s a reality that not every sibling shares common interests with the other and perhaps, except for their mutual parentage, they might not otherwise be friends. Just like any longtime friendship life does change, love interests and spouses take priority, perhaps their own children enter the picture, and siblings become part of the extended family that time must be made for. When and if our children marry, or take lifelong partners, we do breathe sighs of relief that they will always have someone to stand by them, but we still hope that their siblings will also be there to love and support when we can no longer be there for them. The household (occupants), work, location, and other obligations can often put a major dent into the time each has for their brother(s) or sister(s).

When there are more than two siblings or there are several years of age difference, the dynamics can be very different. Two may be closer to each other than three or more. There may be an unequal distribution of common interests. Eventually mates might be friendlier with one of their in-laws and encourage that closeness between the siblings. Even couples who each have siblings they grew up with can cause a shift in family dynamics when my side/your side becomes an issue. And it can certainly cause undue strain when opposing siblings actually do oppose each other.

Maturity and life can also make siblings realize how much they like having a brother or a sister. On their own or in a relationship, grown siblings have their own “space” to retreat to which reduces the childhood arguments about possessions. Once teasing words lose their sting just a bit as the adults hear more than insults, or they learn to pick their battles and hopefully overcome the childhood arguments and hurts. Aging parents can bring siblings closer as they fear the inevitable loss and they cease their jealous vying for parents’ attention. Employment and recognition at different workplaces helps to feed egos and lets each feel as if they have escaped “the shadow” and constant comparisons. It is often easier for the adult sibling to become a friend to the other.

We moms and dads want to know that our children are set for life even when we are no longer present to help them, love them and try to soothe them when they hurt. There comes a time when parents can only hope that family love, years of growing up together and a common history will be enough to glue their children together for life.

Please join the CHELLE’S CREW Street Team

“What is a street team? Simple. It’s a group of your fans and readers, who hit the streets, both online and Main Street USA in brick and mortar stores, to help spread the word about you and your books.” Humphreys, Sara (2013-03-04). Street Team Smarts: An Author’s Guide to Building and Running a Successful Street Team

Suggested Team Activities

•  Talk about my books with friends in person. – Blurbs for each book can be found at Smashwords
• If you read (or have read) any of my books, reviews (honest & hopefully good) would greatly be appreciated (Amazon, GoodReads, blogs, etc). If you publish a review, please send me the URL so I can publicize it.
• Distribute bookmarks and other promo material (supplied) to potential readers; distribute sales sheets to libraries/bookstores with ebook capability.
• Go to  your local library and/or bookstores and offer to moderate a book discussion on any of my novels. (Discussion packets are available) – Let me know if you arrange a book discussion so that I can send you supporting material.
• Online support – join/like my Author Chelle Cordero FaceBook page, like, share and comment on Author Chelle Cordero book-related posts.
• Follow me on Twitter and retweet book related tweets; ditto for Google+
• Visit blogs where I have a guest post and leave comments. Promote these posts via Twitter, Google+ and FaceBook.
• Post a trailer about my books on FaceBook and personal blogs. Include buy links.
• Use book title hashtags on Twitter, on FaceBook, and Google+
• Speak to local bookstores and libraries about stocking books (titles available wholesale to booksellers through Amazon)
• Share ideas how to promote with the rest of the street team.

My street team members have received free short stories and books. SWAG is offered.

Message me on FaceBook or leave a comment HERE to let me know that you are IN.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/284669008368919/

#MondayBlogs: Negativity – a note to politicians

When I first started dating my husband he was selling appliances in a local store (no, that is not how I met him…) — he was pretty successful at his job. In our early conversations I once asked him how he managed to outsell so many of his co-workers. Here is his answer, “I don’t spend time knocking the competition. I sell the items we have and let customers know how good each of them is. People want to know what they are buying.”

Even though Mark has moved on to another SUCCESSFUL career which he does as well (and is happy doing), his lessons about salesmanship have always stayed with both of us. I’m reminded of his words EVERY election year and with potential presidential candidates announcing their intentions it’s more pronounced than ever.

So this is a note to those candidates: If you want my vote, please tell me what YOU can do for our country and why I should vote for you. I’m not interested in your criticisms about other candidates. I want someone who can offer solutions to our problems and make our lives easier, safer, and more productive. When you spend your time and campaign money to complain about someone else’s policies and actions, all I hear is that you know how to complain and whine, and that is no way to run our country.

Go back to basics – encouraging the average American to vote for you is tantamount to applying for a job and hoping to be hired. You should build your resume with your experience listing what your responsibilities and accomplishments are (were) in any relevant jobs. When you interview, promote yourself and tell the employer why you could handle/perform the job in the company’s best interest. Your voters are your (potential) employers, we are not social buddies who chit-chat and hear your everyday complaints.

If YOU want the job (aka my vote) please stop telling me what you don’t like about the OTHER GUY... 

Please tell me why I should want YOU.

How to Support an Author ~ #MondayBlogs

We may act all sure of ourselves, but writers are really an insecure bunch. We depend, like Blanche DuBois, on the kindness of strangers.

I've been writing professionally as a career since 1981, mostly non-fiction (newspaper and magazine articles, ad copy, and more). In the 1990s I decided to pursue my dream of writing fiction, so I wrote stories that had basis only in my mind. Finally I had a full length manuscript in my hands. After a few false starts and a new and different manuscript I was able to call my self a published author.

One of the nicest things I've found since becoming a novelist is the general support amongst authors. Definitely there are a FEW who are too competitive and allow their not-so-nice side to rule their day, but fortunately as I said those are the few.

I have found other authors who are willing to constructively critique current WIPs, will post, re-post, Tweet and even host other authors, are willing to include others in book store signings and provide helpful advice and tips based on personal experiences. I honestly don't know, at least not personally, any other professional field with the same support system.

If you are venturing into writing for (hopefully) publication, yes you will find those days when, for lack of a better description, you just want to crawl under a rock and hide. There will be days when you face your first, or even subsequent book reviews, with trepidation so gripping as to seemingly paralyze you. Mailing a query to a publisher, whether or not you've already been published, will have you holding your breath until you get a response. Wanting to become a professional author is a little bit like asking to be flogged in public daily.

If you are an author here are some things you can do to support your fellow authors - Use your social media accounts to boost other writers by sharing posts or using the link buttons at the bottom of an author's blog post. Even clicking the "LIKE" button on the other authors' FaceBook posts will help. Tweet or re-Tweet their special news. Interview an author on your blog, with both of you publicizing it you'll probably get a lot of new traffic which also helps you in the long run. Review books, authors LOVE getting reviews. Get involved with other authors both online and in-person. Join Street Teams and help spread the word about your favorite authors in person and/or online.

Enroll in periodic and seasonal blog hops and other combination events. Two weekly blog hops that I participate in are Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday (on FaceBook) where writers from various genres post mini-excerpts from their work and invite everyone to comment. Seeing your work through someone elses's eyes is truly eye-opening and even if this work is already published you will get helpful insights for your current and future writing. There are also various email groups where authors can share, in a sheltered environment. Get involved.

Do not tear into another author, especially not publicly; yes you may do them some damage, but you will hurt yourself even more — no one likes a whiner, or worse, a nasty SOB. Chronic complaining online, about your life, other authors, publishers, etc. will make you unlikable to many would/could be fans. Respond to other authors with the same respect that you want to be treated with.

Smile and the whole word smiles with you.

I thank each one of you for your support.

Chelle & Charmaine Gordon at a multi-author event

Please join the "Chelle's Crew" Street Team

Be an online street team member, follow me on Twitter, LIKE my Author page on FaceBook, repost my posts, visit and comment on my guest blogs and post reviews when you read my books (some of which you'll get for FREE). Also... there is SWAG! 

~~~~~

“What is a street team? Simple. It’s a group of your fans and readers, who hit the streets, both online and Main Street USA in brick and mortar stores, to help spread the word about you and your books.” Humphreys, Sara (2013-03-04). Street Team Smarts: An Author’s Guide to Building and Running a Successful Street Team

Suggested Team Activities

•  Talk about my books with friends in person. – Blurbs for each book can be found at Smashwords
• If you read (or have read) any of my books, reviews (honest & hopefully good) would greatly be appreciated (Amazon, GoodReads, blogs, etc). If you publish a review, please send me the URL so I can publicize it.
• Distribute bookmarks and other promo material (supplied) to potential readers; distribute sales sheets to libraries/bookstores with ebook capability.
• Go to  your local library and/or bookstores and offer to moderate a book discussion on any of my novels. (Discussion packets are available) – Let me know if you arrange a book discussion so that I can send you supporting material.
• Online support – join/like my Author Chelle Cordero FaceBook page, like, share and comment on Author Chelle Cordero book-related posts.
• Follow me on Twitter and retweet book related tweets; ditto for Google+
• Visit blogs where I have a guest post and leave comments. Promote these posts via Twitter, Google+ and FaceBook.
• Post a trailer about my books on FaceBook and personal blogs. Include buy links.
• Use book title hashtags on Twitter, on FaceBook, and Google+
• Speak to local bookstores and libraries about stocking books (titles available wholesale to booksellers through Amazon)
• Share ideas how to promote with the rest of the street team.

Send me your email (PM) to Author Chelle Cordero on Facebook  

or via email to ChelleCordero@gmail.com

and I'll send you the invite to join the Chelle's Crew Facebook group

Help a buddy out...

Have you read any books recently that you enjoyed and perhaps would like to see more from that author?

Or better yet, do you KNOW a struggling author and would like to see her/him enjoy some success so you could say "I knew her when"?

What can you do - Plenty.

• Buy the book. Give the book as gifts, if you enjoyed it, maybe your friends will too.
• Talk it up. Tell your friends about that great book you just read and suggest that they might enjoy it too.
• Write a review - on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Smashwords, GoodReads and even on FaceBook or a personal blog.
• Drop the author's name and the name of the book the next time you visit your local library - don't be shy - ask if they carry any books by (author name)
• Rate reviews posted on Amazon, you know where it says "Did you find this review helpful?", click it.
• While authors love it when their books are newly sold, it also helps when a reader passes their book along or even just leaves a copy in some random place with a note saying, Please Read Me & then pass me along again (usually print) - these are called "Traveling Books".
• Are you a member of a book club? Suggest that book to the club for a rousing discussion; many authors make Book Club Discussion Packets available to help facilitate discussions.
• If the author is local, invite her/him to your club, store, restaurant, home, library or any venue to meet and greet readers - the author can discuss an area of expertise or even HOW to get published.
• Host a book party featuring the book or even asking everyone to bring a favorite book to swap.
• Does the author have a FaceBook Page? LIKE the page.
• Does the author have a blog? Follow it.
• Does the author have a newsletter list? Subscribe.
• LIKE and Share the author's Amazon page.
• Tweet and re-tweet. Tweet about the author's blog or any mentions of author or the book(s); re-tweet the author's tweets. Do the same for Google-Plus.
• Share author posts on your FaceBook page.
• Find out if the author has a Street Team and JOIN; "a group of people who 'hit the streets' promoting an event or a product." (Wikipedia). Aside from helping the author, you will often get lots of free swag and other incentives.

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Take a look at my website book list http://chellecordero.com/novels-by-chelle-cordero/

LIKE my author page on FaceBook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorChelleCordero

Follow me on Twitter https://twitter.com/ChelleCordero

Thank you!