Family and the Pandemic

 

In the last eight months or so we’ve all had an extreme case of separation, separation from our extended families, our friends, our jobs, and a way of life where we felt (more) carefree. COVID-19 has disrupted our lives and it looks like, unfortunately, it’s going to continue interrupting life as we wish it would be for a while yet.

 For years I watched some of my extended family deal with their military children overseas and wondered how they could contend with that time and distance separating them. My children and their spouses live within a few hours from where we live, all four are in first-response and health/wellness, and I consider myself lucky having seen each of them (in person) two or three times each since February.

 So how have we coped? It really hasn’t been easy. Fortunately all of our immediate family and most of our extended family have gotten used to various visual and audio means of communication; of course there have been phone calls and emails as well. We watched, via the power of the internet, a niece get married, and a few months later a nephew tied the knot. We enjoyed a multi-household abbreviated Passover Seder together via ZOOM, and our daughter and son-in-law broke the Yom Kippur fast with us through the same online app.

 And we’ve had the opportunity to attend community board meetings and a few interesting seminars. I even got to attend my first ever Romance Writers’ Conference virtually! So we’ve had interaction beyond the occasional trips to the supermarket (where I feel like a bandit adorned with my mask!) and our routine doctor visits which have graduated from tele-visits to the office. With both of us retired, we haven’t had to deal with routine office work; except for the first-responders in our family, most of our working relatives have been working from home — we’re lucky in that several of our extended family have been able to maintain at least some of their employment.

 I can’t help but think back to my childhood and wonder how we would have survived without so many ways to virtually interact, or how my folks would have dealt with the concept of home-schooling my sister and me without online learning. How did folks and families survive the 1918 Spanish flu pandemic? Today in 2020 the separation stings… but the lack of communication venues more than 100-years before was so much less than today. I can’t even imagine. Right now I just want to hug my kids.

 And yet, even with all of our advances, so many of us are battling with depression and feelings of isolation. Even when we are outside, we can’t come near others, many grocery stores still have six-foot reminders on the floor. When we say hello to someone, we can’t even see their mouths because of our masks. I certainly am NOT advocating that we do not use masks or social distancing, more than 225-thousand deaths prove that we need to do whatever we can to protect ourselves and our loved ones. But even when we are near others, the feelings of loneliness are enforced. Many of the things we used to do for enjoyment and socializing are now taboo, or at least severely limited… no movie theatres, limited restaurants, or other leisure activities. Everyday we seem to hear of another business closing permanently because they couldn’t survive the necessary shutdowns. It’s just sad.

 As we are heading into the holiday season we’re once again trying to juggle. Big family dinners are probably not going to happen; even if we feel safe enough to have some family together, we need to be wary of including some who might be quite vulnerable. Maybe we’ll need to turn to ZOOM again in order to share? Those of us whose major concern might be choosing between ZOOM or Facebook Rooms to share this holiday season need to remember there are those who have lost loved ones, who are in danger of losing their homes, or might not be able to put a holiday meal on their table.

 If you or a loved one is suffering from “COVID depression/anxiety”, take care of yourself and those around you (easier said than done?). Be sure to reach out to your family and friends, especially those who might live alone or feel more isolated from their loved ones — pick up a phone, send an email or do a “drive-by” and wave through the window. If you are able, think of others, send a pizza to an on-duty ambulance crew, or a boxed dinner on the doorstep of a neighbor who needs help. Helping others can help you to feel better. Get involved with activities in your own home, play board games, watch a movie on TV together, and look for on-line seminars and video tours. And if seems really too much for you, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) for English, or 1-888-628-9454 for Spanish.

 

We will get through this.

 

 

 

What does it take?

What does it take to get through many of life’s adversities? Why does it seem so easy for some and hard for others? And knowing all of this why do authors (like me) like to put their favorite characters through the wringer?

The answer to the last question is clear (at least to me it is) — I like to throw all kinds of troubles at my characters simply because I can and because dealing with life’s troubles is just LIFE (did you ever notice that LIFE is a 4-letter word?).I’m not a sage, I don’t have all the answers, but I know that most of life’s challenges CAN be managed. Like many of my characters I’ve had more than one life-event figuratively slap me in the face, I am no superhuman, but SO FAR I have survived.

Here are a few of the hurdles my heroines have had to contend with: Paige was raped; Julie is stalked; Annie has an abusive husband; Deanna is kidnapped and held hostage; Caitlyn’s husband can’t remember her the day after their wedding; Sudah encounters prejudice because of her religion; Samantha has to hire a bodyguard because someone is trying to kill her; Layne goes into hiding because she fears losing her child; and Alli winds up having to defend the man she loves from a murder charge. Whew! And I am not even going to start on the mishaps my heroes face.

Indeed I am trying to find humor in this post, but sometimes life does get to some people’s ability to function, and that is not so funny. Everyone has a bit of trauma and drama in their lives and sometimes their coping mechanisms seem to break down. Folks become despondent, they give up and sometimes all they want to do is escape.

Z. Hereford wrote that “When you respond positively and constructively to your biggest challenges the qualities of strength, courage, character and perseverance emerge from deep inside of you.”

Here are some recommended strategies for dealing with life’s negative events: Accept that adversity is inevitable in life; Create and know who is in your support system; Know that there are others before you who have survived adversity; and Don’t focus on past negative events, shake off the self-pity. 

Throughout life there will be challenges, disappointments, pain, physical and mental blows — it is important to Take Care of Yourself. Simple things like sleep and diet can go a long way. Understand that each person can view his own difficulties as something magnified, whenever anyone is in crisis it may seem as if their world is ending.

Do not self-medicate (alcohol, drugs, etc) or ignore the difficulty you might be experiencing. Don’t close yourself off from others, you should never feel isolated when you are in pain and need. Believe in yourself and in your self-worth. It is okay if you take to prayer or meditation IF you have a belief in a higher power. 

Most importantly, if you feel your pain is beyond your coping ability, whether it is physical, emotional, financial, or social — IT IS ALRIGHT TO SEEK PROFESSIONAL ASSISTANCE.

You are important.

Fear ~ #MondayBlogs

We hear tales of terror from across the globe and worry about our own vulnerability. Could these heinous acts happen where we are during our normal daily routine?

According to the book Psychology of Terrorism edited by Bruce Bongar, the main goals of terrorist acts are to promote insecurity and disrupt everyday life. We watch repeated news reports with graphic footage of bombed out buildings, rows of body bags, tearful interviews of people looking for loved ones, and read names of the dead and injured as if each victim is personally known to us.

We can’t help but empathize. Oh my God, that could have been us; that could have been my daughter; is that my son’s school; my husband isn’t answering his cell phone; we were JUST there. While we certainly sympathize with the victims and their families, we can’t help but realize our own helplessness.

The violence seems random, we never know when or where it will happen. Is there any safe place to hide? How much do we want to stop living our own lives on the “what if” scenario? Is it wise just to ignore the possibility no matter how slight we think it might be?

As Bongor stated in his book, it is the intention of terrorists to disrupt our lives. Do we really want to give the terrorists the victory? I don’t. So what are our options?

Stay vigilant: the catch-phrase of modern times is If you see something, say something — that’s common sense. Unattended bags, unexplained packages, heavy coats on a warm/hot day, actually seeing a weapon being carried into a crowded place, mystery powders... Any of these may or may not be cause for concern, but if it looks suspicious, let the proper authorities know. Don’t investigate the briefcase that appears to have no owner. Don’t enter a room where the multiple occupants appear to be unconscious or worse.

Always notice your exit routes. Don’t leave your purse open and unobserved. Never accept packages from strangers who ask you to just carry it inside. And if, God forbid, the unthinkable does happen, stay calm and orderly, hold your children’s hands so they don’t get lost in a crowd, exit if possible with or without your personal belongings. Don’t tie up phone lines, if they still work they will be needed for emergencies — if you are letting relatives know you are alright, call one and ask them to relay the message.

Before any disaster, whether man-made or natural, you can help prepare yourself, your family and your home for recovery. First and foremost, take a first aid and CPR class; in a major disaster medical personnel will be swamped with patients and resources will be slim so if you or a loved one has a relatively minor injury it could be a while until someone is able to treat you so if you know what to do, it will definitely help. Make sure that your children (and pets) carry identification in case you are separated. Maintain a running inventory of valuables you have at home and store a digital copy of all vital documents off-site. Plan a meeting point for family members if you have to leave an area quickly and may not be together; older children and adults may also arrange to check in by phone with a long-distance relative.

The main thing is to LIVE. Be aware, not afraid. Use common sense, remain alert, help your neighbors, and know that you are not alone. 

I’m writing a new NON-fiction & would appreciate your help

Have you lived through a disaster?

Hi, I appreciate your assistance. I will be using your personal experiences for a book I am writing about surviving disasters (natural, man-made, technological, etc.) The only identification I am requesting is your FIRST name; any other ID offered will be kept in my personal file in case I need to contact you for more info and will be destroyed upon completion of the manuscript.

If you have lived through a disaster of any kind your responses will be extremely helpful to this project.

You can copy the questions with your responses into an email and send that to me at ChelleCordero@gmail.com ~or~ you can download the .doc (http://bylines333.com/?attachment_id=661), fill in the responses and attach it to an email mailed to ChelleCordero@gmail.com , whichever is easier for you.

Please put DISASTER in the subject line.
Please respond as soon as possible.

Email is my preferred method to receive responses, however if you would like you can snail-mail the form to me at: By-Lines; POB 333; Tomkins Cove NY 10986.

1)      What region of the country/world do you live in and what type of disaster has occurred?

2)      Can you give a brief description of what your living conditions were before the disaster (ie: single family home, trailer, apartment complex)?

3)      What was the extent of damage and losses to your family and home?

4)      Did you have any warnings of the impending disaster? If so, what preparations did you make?

5)      What resources were available to you to assist you and your family after the disaster?

6)      Were you able to recover after the disaster and resume a “normal” life? How long did this recovery take?

7)      What were permanent losses that could not be recovered?

8)      What changes have you made to avoid or decrease your losses if future disasters occur?

9)      Based on your experience, what advice would you give to others to mitigate losses and safeguard their families?

10)   Any other comments?

realism in a fictional story

When I wrote my romantic suspense Hostage Heart about a Louisiana gal who came to New York City to try to earn money to help her parents get their lives and business back on track after devastating hurricanes, I was living vicariously through stories my husband told me - Hubby was part of a federal medical team that provided assistance to the people of New Orleans and surrounding areas after Katrina and Rita.

Last fall though, I lived it. Superstorm Sandy hit the Hudson Valley with devastating winds, rain and water surges. The waterfront town I live in literally saw homes floating away. And while I know from personal experience (Florida in 1969, the year of Hurricane Camille) that the storm could have been far worse, the folks who lost homes, our community that lived without power, and first responders who sacrificed their comfort and safety to help will never forget Sandy's impact.

I was also a part of our town's emergency shelter which provided a temporary home to dozens of town residents at our local ambulance corps building. Some inhabitants left their homes before the brunt of the storm on the advice of our local town government, some were brought to the shelter after being rescued by volunteer ambulance corps and fire department members. We were lucky to have a new, large building with a running generator. As a shelter volunteer I lived in that building for a week alongside people who came in shell-shocked and scared; I watched as family members were part of rescue crews who were out during the height of the storm. We all ate meals together, talked together and sometimes cried together. This experience will live in my memories and heart forever.

Another shelter volunteer wrote about our efforts as part of an effort to keep the public informed and help to raise funds to help people get their lives back together...

What We’ve Been Doing the Past Week: 
Hurricane Sandy Relief Efforts for

Stony Point & North Rockland

I added a few thank-you's to others who helped as well here

I recently re-read my novel Hostage Heart in anticipation of the soon-to-be released audio-book version and even this author has to admit the emotional impact of personal experience resonates even more.

When I listened to my husband's stories of the people he met in the month and a half he was stationed down in Louisiana, I noticed the glimmer in his eyes as he remembered and admired the survivors and their strength. Personally seeing the faces of people who came into our ambulance building, some clutching few possessions, some clutching loved pets, and all determined to survive and rebuild now puts a glimmer in my eyes as I remember.