Saturday, August 15, 2015

Panic ~ Weekend Writing Warriors / #8sunday / 08/16/15

Hi! Welcome to another Weekend Writing Warrior round. Every week writers post 8 sentences on their blogs from a published or unpublished book. Then we "hop" around and leave comments on each other's snippets. Whether our work is already published or in progress, the helpful comments help us become stronger writers on our next WIP. We welcome EVERYONE's comments.

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My entry this week is from Common Bond, Tangled Hearts. Layne Gillette’s world is turned upside down when a man she has never met shows up to lay claim as the father of her 6-year old son. 

This scene is still at the shopping mall. While Justin is paying for a camcorder he's buying so Layne can record Dennis in his school play, Layne realizes that her son isn't by her side. (this might be a bit choppy, I wanted to fit it all in to a certain point)

  (the following has been edited to fit)  ...and now the eight nine ten:

"Where's Dennis," Layne started calling his name in a panic.

Justin questioned salespeople on the floor; one woman, assuming the three were a normal family out for the day, told him that his son was over by the video game display.

"Layne, I found him," Justin guided her over to the video games; she saw Dennis and grabbed the little boy's arm.

"Don't ever do that again," she was on the verge of tears.

"Mommy," Dennis was startled and began to cry.

"Oh God. I'm sorry baby," she hugged him and cried, "I was so scared that somebody had taken you away."

Justin told the salesman he'd be right back for the packages, he put an arm around Layne and took Dennis by the hand to guide them out of the store.

Dennis was still protesting, he didn't understand what he had done to upset his mother so badly.

At the car Justin knelt in front of Dennis, "You must never scare your mom like that again, don't walk away from her in a crowded place." Wanting to take care of this woman and child was a strange feeling for him.

For more WeWriWa Snippets, go to: 

About Common Bond, Tangled Hearts

Layne Gillette’s world is turned upside down when a man she has never met shows up to lay claim as the father of her 6-year old son.
Justin, the victim of a fraternity prank, and Layne, the subject of a forced insemination, have produced a beautiful child that they are both willing to protect… at all costs.
The two parents realize they can love each other, but when Layne’s abusive “ex-husband” shows up, they are torn apart by danger, kidnapping and lies. Justin won’t give up until Layne is returned to him. Layne uses her newfound strength, courage and knowledge to defy Charlie’s ugliest demands.


On this day in history, August 16, 1954
 Sports Illustrated was published for the first time. 
It was claimed that 250,000 subscriptions had been sold
before the first issue came off of the presses. 

Can you imagine selling that many copies
before the book was even available?!?!


Iris B said...

Although it might have felt strange, it's a natural thing I'd say to care for others who are in distress ... nice snippet ...

P.T.Wyant said...

"Don't ever do that again!" -- What a great "mom" line!

Linda said...

That's so scary, especially that he could be kidnap any minute.

Kim M said...

Been there, said that!
Nicely done Chelle.

Unknown said...

Losing a child, even for a split-second is a parent's nightmare come true. Great foreshadowing here. I like how he's surprised at his reaction.

Sarah W said...

I like how you're making it clear with her reactions to normal things (all kids stop by the video games) that she's on edge.

I also like that the other characters aren't sure if she's just an overprotective parent or if there's something else going on.

Unknown said...

Definitely a terrifying moment. I'm glad Justin was there to help. :)

Karen Michelle Nutt said...

So glad they found him safe and sound. What a horrible feeling to think your child is missing. Well done scene with the adults panicking and the child not understanding why they're so upset. :)

Unknown said...

GREAT eight - uh, ten.

Very nicely done. The dialogue and scene are exactly like anything we'd all encounter.

I love the last line. Just enough of a twist to pique your interest. I definitely want to know more about these characters. Very nicely done!

Siobhan Muir said...

As a parent, I've been there in that place. And yeah, you yell at the kid because you're so darn scared. Good snippet, Chelle. :)

Karysa Faire said...

Tense moments for Mom! I can understand why she panicked.

Veronica Scott said...

Been there, done that, when the child wanders off in the store! Really a terrific snippet...I'm enjoying this story very much.

Anonymous said...

Very realistic for how a situation like that would go down in real life. I'd say you nailed the feeling. I love how he's becoming so protective and caring of the family, like he's already calling him his own family. Great snippet.

Teresa Cypher said...

Oh, that is a terrible feeling! Nicely done--showing how he's grappling with new feelings. A BIG responsibility. :-)

JTsuruoka said...

Yikes. Every parent's nightmare. This scene feels very real. Great prose!