Yes, I am angry…
and you should be too.
Sex can be great
when it is something that BOTH parties want, but let’s not sugarcoat the ugly —
sexual ABUSE is not great for anyone.
Sexual abuse,
whether it is the stranger fondling someone on a crowded subway, forcing
someone to perform a non-intercourse sex act, or a #NoMistakingItForWhatItIs
rape is abuse and is wrong.
If you have to
threaten someone with a weapon, physical strength, emotional blackmail or threats
of punishment (of the victim or someone else) in order to “score”, then it is
RAPE, ABUSE, WRONG. Clothing, intoxication, the hour of the day or night, or
even a history of previous relations is NOT an invitation to get laid. The word
NO means IT AIN’T HAPPENING. The inability to say no, or to say anything, means
IF I CAN’T CONSENT, YOU DON’T HAVE PERMISSION. Rape is not a mistake, it is a
malicious act. And rape is not even sex, it is a sick need for domination. And
one more thing, REAL men do not rape, EVER.
Now be aware that rape
and sexual abuse can happen to women or men, girls or boys. And sexual abuse
can be instigated by men or women. Since I am a woman though I am using the
female’s POV.
Most acts of rape
or sexual abuse go unreported; many times this is due to shame, the belief that
no one will believe the victim, that no one DOES believe the victim (schools
are notorious for this), or that the victim is somehow convinced that SHE ASKED
FOR IT. Sometimes it takes time before the victim can talk about it and it is
long after rape kits can add validity. Sometimes the act can never be spoken
about because that is just the way the victim has found to cope. Most times,
thankfully, the victim moves on and survives and finds a way to work around the
triggers that haunt her for the rest of her life. And sometimes the victim
simply denies that she was ever abused… why? Because she couldn’t go on living
if she admits it.
Sometimes rape is
reported, immediately or shortly after, and the rapist is taken into custody…
sometimes even the case does go to court. And invariably the victim is the one
who is on trial, lawyers bring up the victim’s social conduct, the clothes she
wore, brings in previous lovers to prove promiscuity, and G-d help her if she
was ever abused in the past, they will use that to “prove” a pattern where the
victim obviously enjoys it.
Of course not all
is gloom, we do have a rare conviction now and then and a really fair and
impartial judge acknowledges that a young man’s sports accomplishments would be
ruined by a long imprisonment so he sends the guy to jail for a whole six
months (with good behavior he’s out in three). And the judges who realize how
charging a young man with rape could ruin his entire future now that is priceless.
Sigh, one more
rant. I am aware that sadly not every report of rape is true, but false reports
are extremely rare. There is the occasional set-up, publicity seeker, or woman
who is looking to cover her tracks and lie about an illicit evening. And to
these women, rare though it may be — your impact is huge and you may as well be
raping these victims all over again, because each time your lies are exposed,
more true and HONEST victims are doubted and made to suffer again. So
congratulations for being part of the pain, I hope you can sleep well… even
though you don’t deserve it.
If you have been
victimized, you are not alone, you are not wrong and you have nothing to be
ashamed of. If you care for someone who has been raped or abused you are not to
be blamed. For more information on the ugly truth about sexual abuse, incest,
and rape you can go here: https://www.rainn.org/after-sexual-assault
and for support check out http://www.aftersilence.org/
or call the WOAR 24 Hour Hotline: 215-985-3333. You can Google regional support
groups closer to your location if needed.
You are not alone. You are not a lost cause. You can heal.
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