IT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME

 

 

From early 2020 through spring of 2021, the COVID pandemic brought about so many losses and changes… in less polite terms, COVID was a b*tch!

 

Throughout the pandemic, which affected the entire world and not just our country, we heard of lives lost (sometimes whole families!), financial difficulties, closed businesses, inadequate schooling, jobs gone, and emotional trauma that will last forever. Politics and politicians became part of the blame game. Friends became adversaries about things like masks and vaccines. Increased racism became a focus for anger, fear and blame.

 

There was so much heartache as families could not see each other, grandparents felt forgotten, children only saw friends via computerized apps, and relatives in hospitals and nursing homes were kept isolated from family and friends. Healthcare workers were overtaxed and often driven into despondency because of the emotional toll. While many workers who were still lucky enough to have their jobs worked from home, it changed the relaxing escape to go home at the end of the workday, into the feeling of “living” at your job. Snow days no longer existed since many students were learning from their own homes via computer. And areas without decent internet and computers were often left without schooling, and “ZOOM” family get-togethers.

 

According to reports, here in America, there were 621,633 COVID deaths as of July 7, 2021 — yes, SOME of those who died had “pre-existing conditions”, conditions which they had lived with for many years before COVID struck. There were many TEMPORARY business closures that turned into permanent ones, according to a recent Wall Street Journal report, “the pandemic resulted in the permanent closure of roughly 200,000 U.S. establishments above historical levels during the first year of the viral outbreak”; that is ABOVE the national rate of normal businesses that close for reasons including bankruptcy, retirement, and general demographics. Many EMTs, Paramedics, Healthcare Workers and other First Responders died, they died doing their job to help others.

 

It’s been said that US job losses due to COVID-19 are the highest since the Great Depression. Food banks were overtaxed helping to feed families who couldn’t afford groceries. Prices on certain commodities rose because of hoarding and shortages, 2020 became the year of toilet paper and hand sanitizer shortages. Our economy suffered in every conceivable area. In June of 2020 it was estimated that nearly half of all American homeowners considered selling their home simply because they could not afford the mortgage payments. Over one-third of homeowners could not afford to hire outside contractors to make necessary home repairs and had to attempt the job themselves; about 18% of those were unsuccessful.

 

But even when the COVID illness wasn’t the threat, there were many lives lost because of it. People experiencing chest pains, severe “headaches” or other sudden symptoms were afraid to call 911 or go to the hospital and the waiting game caused a higher mortality rate. People in the often-unknown stages of Dementia or other debilitating conditions were not being seen in-person by their doctors and the isolation from family members and friends, as well as the lack of personal interaction caused many sufferers to deteriorate at a faster rate. According to the Houston News in May, 2021, “Dementia diseases were the sixth leading cause of American deaths during the Covid Lockdown of 2020” due to the severity of isolation brought on by the lockdown.  

 

Things will never be the same. There is no way we can go back. Just about everyone knows the empty hole that has been left in their lives by the loss of loved ones. Families who were uprooted are trying to make their new lives with different expectations. While the major lockdown restrictions have been lifted in our country, there are still CDC recommendations to wear masks (especially if you are not vaccinated). Some travel restrictions remain in place depending on your destination and departure point.

 

We can only go on from this point as wisely AND KINDLY as possible.

 

 

 

 

 

Stand Up For Yourself

Sometimes it seems that if you don’t advocate for yourself, no one else will. I know that sounds rather pessimistic, there are a few who go out of their way to help others — mostly people are just trying to make it through their own days and their own woes. There really isn’t blame to go around.

Bosses don’t understand when the customer rep takes a little more time to do extra for someone, most times there is an allotted amount of time to spend on each customer no matter how dire their situation. For people unable to look up the right information or communicate their specific needs, well, they wind up being forgotten. So often an elderly person living alone realizes how alone they are when pushing for themselves just gets to tiring to continue the fight. It’s sad when benefits or services they need so much seems beyond their reach.

Loved ones who want to help and ensure that their family is taken care of are sometimes across the country or too busy with their own lives and immediate household; maybe they are busy because their priorities don’t make it convenient and sometimes they have genuine concerns of their own (sickness, money problems, children who depend on them…), and it’s hard to be there for everyone.

It’s frustrating to make repeated phone calls to a doctor’s office only to reach a receptionist each time who tells you they’ve taken your message and yet no return phone call has been made. Everybody is busy. And then there are those special few who go above and beyond to help. There’s the doctor who makes personal phone calls to other doctors to help a patient coordinate the care he/she needs. There’s the insurance representative who actually believes that his/her job description IS CUSTOMER SERVICE. There’s the neighbor who drives someone to the doctor’s office and picks them up after a hospital stay.

The elderly, children with developmental disabilities, returning vets, and those living on meager incomes are all too often the ones who are left to fall through the cracks because there are too few resources, from budgets to time, to help them. Too often we might mimic the cry of Blanche from Streetcar Named Desire and say we must “depend on the kindness of strangers”, but like Blanche, is that kindness actually kind or self-serving? Too many people grasp at whatever help might come their way and sometimes find themselves scammed. It can be heartbreaking.

We need to find some way to advocate for ourselves and our loved ones, it can be terribly exhausting. If the need arises because we ourselves can’t manage the things we need, or because our loved ones need more attention than we can provide, there are (for the elderly) Geriatric Care Managers, but that does cost money and not everyone can afford it — than again can you afford not to get the needed help? That is something that truly needs to be considered.

Learn to advocate for yourself and your loved ones. Get information, ask, research, attend seminars (check out local libraries) and share that info with your friends and family (it might help someone else as well). Understand your rights as a patient, as a renter, as a business customer, and as a human being. Don’t be afraid to speak up for yourself and make yourself heard, if you need help making your feeling clear ask someone to help you. Make notes especially who you speak with and who told you what. Try to keep your emotions at bay, all too often people don’t have the patience or compassion to listen to someone else’s tears or anger. Be firm in your resolve and know that you are worth the effort.

A Matter of Privacy ~ #MondayBlogs

On one side of my family all of the older female relatives literally celebrated, via phone calls, every related teen-girl’s first menses (kind of ala The Red Tent). The other side of my family keeps things so private that even emergency hospitalizations aren’t shared outside of the immediate household until there’s a casual conversation after the release of the patient.

There has GOT to be some middle ground.

I truly believe that families have the right to know about serious health issues and semi-major family crises. You certainly don’t need to share bedroom “stuff”, salaries, spats between household members or things that are told to you in confidence by another family member (unless of course someone’s safety is involved). And when things go awry in life it definitely helps to talk out your angst with someone you can trust.

It was even suggested that if you really need to talk about something that is making you lose sleep, pay a therapist to listen instead of calling your sibling or a close cousin! While there is a time and place for therapy, most worries just need to be aired, a chance to vent, a chance to be coddled for a few minutes. I am not talking about calling a relative to overrule something the spouse wants to do, getting permission or plotting — I’m talking about keeping yourself from being tied up in knots with worry and upset.

I know of couples who won’t allow their spouse to even go to the doctor’s waiting room with them for an appointment, and I also know of couples who will only make appointments when their spouse is available to go with them to talk to the doctor together. Sadly I also know couples who won’ even share the results of crucial medical tests with each other. I used to ride an ambulance as an EMT and a few times I responded to a call where the other household members had no idea what medical conditions the patient had or why they were taking medications… undeniably sad and even a bit scary.

How much sharing is comfortable for you? How much privacy do you need?

I’ve often wondered how many of the “emergency contacts” on forms and in our phones actually have information about the person they are supposedly able to answer for. And why for gosh sakes would someone’s offspring think that mom and dad no longer worry about them even when they live out of the house?

Yes, I do agree that there are things that needn’t be discussed, but there is so much more that should be. Families especially need to be able to rely on one another even if they are under separate roofs. Even unrelated roommates need to know somethings about each other such as where they work and if (and where) they are headed off for a weekend of fun so that is SOMETHING, ANYTHNG unexpected happens, at least the police can get in touch when they need to!

To quote John Donne, “No Man Is an Island” and we cannot create walls as complete insulation between us. We each live, work and play with other human beings and there needs to be just a bit where the lines we draw around ourselves actually overlap and mingle. Honestly you shouldn’t surround yourself with folks that you can’t even trust enough to share who you are with.

I’d love to hear your opinions about privacy…

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