Mortality

Understandably as we grow older, mortality seems to be an ever-present tingle in our minds… and yes, sometimes the thought is VERY scary. We lose folks around us that mean a lot, and we discover new aches, pains, and things that just don’t work as well anymore. But instead of fearing the INEVITABLE (NO ONE ESCAPES!) and burying ourselves in what once was, I choose to look forward.

 

I choose to be thankful for the things and people I have had in my life, and the time I had with them. I choose to be thankful for what I have now. I choose to be thankful for now, who and what I am, my memories, and my ability to hope for a tomorrow. Yes, I still shed tears for people I miss, my parents, my sister, a couple of cousins, a few friends… and yes, even some beautiful pussycats. But I try not to let my tears consume me, and I know that those I love and loved wouldn’t want me to waste a single day or moment that I have left.

 

And yet I can’t help, every time my phone rings at an unlikely hour, and every time I don’t get a response from someone I’ve reached out to, just a little bit of a shudder and a slap of what could be reality… and thankfully MOST of these alarms are simply false as I breathe a sigh of relief. I just don’t ever want to waste a day, I don’t want to waste any time telling someone how much I love them, I don’t want to waste any time cuddling a pussycat. Yes, I want to spend time reliving some of our memories with my loved ones, and I also want to make lots of new ones.

 

And when the day comes when I am gone, and those I leave behind shed a few tears, I hope they will live and love the happiest lives they can… mostly for them (and selfishly, just a little tinge for me). I truly believe the best honor we can each do for our dear loved ones is to live each new day as fully as possible and to remember our shared memories long after we can no longer share.

 

Here is to EVERY tomorrow!

 

IT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME

 

 

From early 2020 through spring of 2021, the COVID pandemic brought about so many losses and changes… in less polite terms, COVID was a b*tch!

 

Throughout the pandemic, which affected the entire world and not just our country, we heard of lives lost (sometimes whole families!), financial difficulties, closed businesses, inadequate schooling, jobs gone, and emotional trauma that will last forever. Politics and politicians became part of the blame game. Friends became adversaries about things like masks and vaccines. Increased racism became a focus for anger, fear and blame.

 

There was so much heartache as families could not see each other, grandparents felt forgotten, children only saw friends via computerized apps, and relatives in hospitals and nursing homes were kept isolated from family and friends. Healthcare workers were overtaxed and often driven into despondency because of the emotional toll. While many workers who were still lucky enough to have their jobs worked from home, it changed the relaxing escape to go home at the end of the workday, into the feeling of “living” at your job. Snow days no longer existed since many students were learning from their own homes via computer. And areas without decent internet and computers were often left without schooling, and “ZOOM” family get-togethers.

 

According to reports, here in America, there were 621,633 COVID deaths as of July 7, 2021 — yes, SOME of those who died had “pre-existing conditions”, conditions which they had lived with for many years before COVID struck. There were many TEMPORARY business closures that turned into permanent ones, according to a recent Wall Street Journal report, “the pandemic resulted in the permanent closure of roughly 200,000 U.S. establishments above historical levels during the first year of the viral outbreak”; that is ABOVE the national rate of normal businesses that close for reasons including bankruptcy, retirement, and general demographics. Many EMTs, Paramedics, Healthcare Workers and other First Responders died, they died doing their job to help others.

 

It’s been said that US job losses due to COVID-19 are the highest since the Great Depression. Food banks were overtaxed helping to feed families who couldn’t afford groceries. Prices on certain commodities rose because of hoarding and shortages, 2020 became the year of toilet paper and hand sanitizer shortages. Our economy suffered in every conceivable area. In June of 2020 it was estimated that nearly half of all American homeowners considered selling their home simply because they could not afford the mortgage payments. Over one-third of homeowners could not afford to hire outside contractors to make necessary home repairs and had to attempt the job themselves; about 18% of those were unsuccessful.

 

But even when the COVID illness wasn’t the threat, there were many lives lost because of it. People experiencing chest pains, severe “headaches” or other sudden symptoms were afraid to call 911 or go to the hospital and the waiting game caused a higher mortality rate. People in the often-unknown stages of Dementia or other debilitating conditions were not being seen in-person by their doctors and the isolation from family members and friends, as well as the lack of personal interaction caused many sufferers to deteriorate at a faster rate. According to the Houston News in May, 2021, “Dementia diseases were the sixth leading cause of American deaths during the Covid Lockdown of 2020” due to the severity of isolation brought on by the lockdown.  

 

Things will never be the same. There is no way we can go back. Just about everyone knows the empty hole that has been left in their lives by the loss of loved ones. Families who were uprooted are trying to make their new lives with different expectations. While the major lockdown restrictions have been lifted in our country, there are still CDC recommendations to wear masks (especially if you are not vaccinated). Some travel restrictions remain in place depending on your destination and departure point.

 

We can only go on from this point as wisely AND KINDLY as possible.

 

 

 

 

 

Reason for Thanks

As a child I wanted to be an actress or a police officer… at some point I think I wanted to be a wild cowgirl riding horses for a living. What I remember wanting the most was to be a child forever in the loving and protective arms of my parents and always tagging along with my big sister.

I was just six-years-old when my paternal grandfather died and I saw my father cry. I crawled onto his lap and cried on his shoulder telling him I never wanted to grow up if it meant losing people you loved. (Daddy called it The Peter Pan Complex) He hugged me so tight and told me that he had no regrets about growing up because it meant that he met my mom, married her, and they had my sister and me. He said that growing up was a good thing even though sometimes you might have reason to cry because I would have so many more wonderful things come my way. He told me to enjoy everything that life brought to me and to treasure every memory that came before.

Truthfully I had a fantastic childhood. We never had a lot of money, but I always felt that I had everything I could want. I remember having a terrific dollhouse and furniture — the dollhouse was a big cardboard box, the furniture was plastic throwaways from the manufacturing company where my dad worked, the window curtains were remnants of cloth left over from the school clothes my mom handmade for us, and while the dolls that “lived” there didn’t really fit, it didn’t matter, I loved it. My sister was my best friend and she let me tag along with her friends and I always had fun because everyone treated me so nicely, I was everyone's "little sister". Our parents always made time for us whether it was watching TV (in costume!) with my dad or baking cookies with my mom, and so many more things.

Both of my parents passed away shortly after I was married, so did my husband’s folks, and I cried. But I remembered my dad’s words to me and I looked forward to what the future would bring. We struggled to have children, a couple of miscarriages and then our daughter, and another miscarriage and then our son was born. As is our custom to name after the deceased, our daughter is named for my mom, and our son for my dad and my mother-in-law (a niece is named for my father-in-law). Watching our children grow to be adults has been a joy and seeing them happy with their own spouses is so fulfilling. Daddy was so right, I have so many memories to treasure and so many wonderful things that came into my life.

My mom used to make a huge Thanksgiving feast for the family, including aunts and uncles and cousins, each year and I swear I can still remember the savory smells from her tiny apartment kitchen (I marvel at how much food she was always able to cook for so many!). Life is different, the family schedules are tighter and distances are greater (and two of my four children work on Thanksgiving), so we don’t always have the same gatherings, but the sentiment is still there. This year my husband and I (we’ll be married 44-years next month) went to a grand Thanksgiving feast at our community association — our first since we moved here last December — and we enjoyed ourselves immensely.

Thanksgiving is a time of appreciation and gratitude, and I have so very much to be thankful for. I am thankful for the love of my life, the man who is a hero in every way (and yes, the man who influences my concept of every romantic hero I write about), I am so grateful for our children and their mates, and my pussycats and grand-fur-babies. I am so happy to still have my sister (who is still one of my best friends), her husband (who is more like a brother to me), and their sons and families. I am also blessed with great sister-in-laws and brother-in-laws, and nephews and nieces and their families. I'm grateful for my readers and their support.

And most of all what I am thankful are my dad’s wise words to me, to look forward to life and all the joys it can bring my way.

My wishes for all of you — have a truly wonderful and meaningful Thanksgiving.

Wishing you a Happy Thanksgiving!

Memories ~ #MondayBlogs

Memories are forever yours and yet there are times when the memories should be stored so that you never do forget.

Life changes, sometimes sad and more times happy, are good reasons to preserve those memories. In the fun movie 50 First Dates reminders of the past allowed the main character to move on with her life. Most of us thank goodness enjoy the ability to remember...

Baby albums which follow a child through grade school are precious memory keepers. Souvenirs from family trips help keep the fun in mind. Video-tapes, CDs and DVRs along with the older 8mm home films help to keep the images alive.

One of life's changes involves moving on such as leaving a family home for new adventures. Preparing to leave a home where children grew up, where rooms were witness to first steps, where couples grew old together can bring joyful tears and a need to hold on.

I'm making a "Memory Album" filled with my childrens' third grade paintings, greeting cards that were given to me through the years for various occasions, photographs of various keepsakes that would never survive packing and moving. Maybe paper waste to some, these memories will help to augment the ones I carry in my mind and heart.

In days to come I will be able to sit with my treasures and enjoy the past even when the past is no longer within my reach. I'm overly sentimental, I know. I look forward to my tomorrows. Everything that has happened to me has led me to where I am going and the future holds such promise.

Faith ~ #MondayBlogs

What is faith? Is it our religious belief or is it having the confidence that our fellow man will work in the best interests of humanity? Believing in something, someone, or ourselves is a basic human need. Belief is faith.

It seems that we are living in a world filled with hatred and fear, one in which man allegedly uses the name of a religion as a reason to destroy and spread hate. There are those who hide behind supposed commandments of their god(s) to spread ruin and there are those who hate others simply because of the deity they pray to. Some people believe in a supreme deity but do not agree with the tenets of organized religion (agnostic); some do not believe in any higher presence (atheist). A growing faction is yelling that religion is THE problem why men cannot get along with other men.

We can have faith in humankind without praying to a god by any name. Or we can follow the true teachings of our chosen religions – every religion is founded on common principles that include: loving thy neighbor; forgiveness; treating others the way we want to be treated; giving charity; honoring our parents and elders; being truthful; showing kindness; and living peacefully among our fellow man. While the phrases and wordings may differ, each religion shares commonalities with the others; some religions are monotheistic and some pray to multiple gods.

Every religion has members whose interpretation of its teachings are zealous and self-serving, most often those fanatics are in the minority although they may be loud. People who choose to practice a religion should do so because they believe in the spirit of their scriptures rather than simply following step-by-step rituals with no meaning behind our actions.

Rather than focusing on the differences in our religions practices or alienating those who call themselves agnostic or atheist, our need to believe in something makes us more alike than different. Wouldn’t it be a wonderful thing if we could embrace that sameness and work towards fostering an atmosphere of peace and unity instead of viewing others with suspicion and hatred?

As a child of a Ham Radio Operator in the 60s and 70s I remember going to group get-togethers. One of the places that held an annual picnic was a Monastery located several miles north of where we lived. The monks that lived there and hosted the event were all very friendly, intelligent, welcoming and knowledgeable. I was amazed one day during a discussion with one of these men to find he was very proficient in Hebrew scripture and my own faith of Judaism. In adolescent surprise I asked him how come he knew so much when his religion taught otherwise. His answer was so simple — to truly understand your own beliefs you need to understand what belief means to people. Every monk, he told me, was schooled in all forms of theology and was required to be proficient in multiple religions.

Perhaps this type of education is needed for all of us so that we can love and appreciate our own convictions as well as understand and respect other belief systems. Somehow we must work towards unity and love of the entire human race or there will be no world and humanity for our future generations. Mankind is our own enemy when we allow hatred in our lives.

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Changes ~ #MondayBlogs

Sunrise, sunset
Sunrise, sunset
Swiftly fly the years
One season following another
Laden with happiness and tears
(from Fiddler on the Roof)

Life seems to change so rapidly, every day presents new experiences and opportunities. Our married daughter and her husband moved out-of-state last year (not far thankfully), our son is getting married the end of this year, and hubby and I (AND the cats) are thinking of downsizing.

Yikes, to think of packing up a home that we’ve been in for more than three decades is monumental! And yet despite my aversion to cleaning, throwing out the excess, and packing dozens of boxes, the thought of moving on with my husband of nearly 40-years is attractive. I’m entertaining myself with dreams of having an idyllic empty-nester dream home. I admit there is more than a bit of sentimentality about the idea of leaving this home where we raised our family…

Right now it’s a dream, a vision, a plan, but it is definitely one we are heading towards with no specific timetable. Just one of the adventures we look forward to in this ever-changing world.