The Ability to Trust ~ #MondayBlogs

Scams, liars, and cheaters… when you’re surrounded by falsehoods and horror stories of “life savings gone in an instant” or the suffering of victims of violent crimes, it’s hard to feel safe.

Even buying a car proves to be a lesson in how many ways can you get taken? When the car being sold shows one thing on the odometer and the Car-Fax substantiates quite a bit more do you believe the salesman when he claims that the wool was pulled over his eyes as well?

What about the store clerk who pockets your money and then claims the amount you gave was far less? Suddenly the simple fender bender you had yesterday, you know the one where the other driver was walking around and laughing after the mishap, has now turned into a personal injury lawsuit and claims of partial paralysis. Identities are stolen and folks wind up with sky-high bills on items they would never have purchased, but it is your credit card number on the receipt, so…

We seem to be surrounded by liars and thieves. Local politicians who serve their greed before they serve their constituents… cheating spouses… backstabbing orchestrated by someone you once trusted… weighted grocery scales in the produce aisle… It is so hard to know who and what to trust these days. It’s the world we live in, if you see something, say something.

When was the last time you lied? What excuse did you tell your boss for not being able to come in the last time you took a sick-day? Even the simple white lie, yes you look terrific in that dress, is enough to destroy someone’s faith in your word. Why not lie, everybody’s doing it? Everyone, no matter the age, vocation or intentions, has to, if they are being honest, admit to uttering some untruth.

We can’t or shouldn’t be so paranoid as to suspect everyone we encounter as a thief trying to steal our hard-earned money, or worse, to be convinced that you can never turn your back because there will always be someone there to cause you harm. Once trust is destroyed, even if you can mend the damages, it never goes back intact. Vigilance and paranoia are so close and yet miles away in productivity and confidence. People become cynics and fail to give chances even when they should be well-deserved.

What a sad, sad world it would be if we totally lost our abilities to trust, to take chances on a new relationship, to feel kindly towards the people who surround us or sometimes even lose the ability to trust ourselves and the decisions we make. It is, in my belief, a minority who use intentional lies or who would do harm and yet how do you tell the difference? Loss of trust can cause up to lose relationships or to choose poorly in making even everyday purchases — it certainly is enough to make us lose restful sleep.

Our previous experiences or passed-down stories should serve as lessons of things to be aware of in the future, but these lessons should never overpower us and our ability to lead normal lives. You may indeed have your heart broken, but if you are not willing to take a chance on a new love, then you may lose out altogether from finding your soul mate. Paranoia may force you to overlook a wonderful new job opportunity simply because you cannot trust the potential promise that’s laid out before you. Think of all the missed possibilities. No great discovery was ever made by someone who wasn’t willing to take a chance, but by someone who trusted that things would work out in the end.

So trust others, yes use caution, but trust that the good in this world will outnumber evils. It’s okay to cast an occasional look over your shoulder, but try walking looking straight forward and seeing all the things before you. Don’t lose the opportunity to enjoy the things you purchase because you are too busy placing these items in a web of deceit. Don’t forget to think and don’t forget to trust.

Wonder if I should trust that distant relative who is promising me a fortune, he contacted me just the other day on the internet?

Pretty Little Liars - #MondayBlogs

It’s all lies — Pretense —Make believe. Why? Why do some people think they need to be someone or something else than who they are? Do they really feel such a lack of confidence in themselves, or is it distaste?

I’ve heard people telling “war stories” repeatedly and the more often they tell them, the more we have cause to question them because of how much they change each time. Sometimes the stories are about war, sometimes they aren’t. These stories could be as innocuous as exaggerating about the price of paint, each time the story was told the cans of paint became more and more expensive; most times these tales can be put up with because they really do no harm. Then there are the times the stories are indeed wanna-be glory-hounds pretending to be war veterans, those annoy me.

I used to know a man who pretended to have served in Viet Nam and told numerous stories about some of the “great battles” he fought… to be honest, he would have been 12-years old for one of these battles! He introduced himself in group situations as a vet, tried to join organizations designed for vets, and lied to his own family about his war service. He was finally confronted by an actual war veteran and the last I heard he is no longer announcing his service in public forums – and it’s obvious he is angry at being denied the chance to boast.

Why would someone continue to promulgate such lies, these are fraudulent and of course if there is any chance of benefits might even be illegal. Does such a person have emotional damage, feelings of insecurity, a desperate need for attention, or even feelings of powerlessness? How are we supposed to react when we know these people who are lying to our faces? How much should we care and how much time should we invest in trying to correct the behavior?

According to Bully OnLine, people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder will often “fraudulently claim to have qualifications or experience or affiliations or associations which they don't have or aren't entitled to. Belief in superiority, inflating their self-esteem to match that of senior or important people with whom they associate or identify, insisting on having the ‘top’ professionals or being affiliated with the ‘best’ institutions, but criticizing the same people who disappoint them are also common features of narcissistic personality disorder.” Narcissists have fragile self-esteem and anger issues, are envious of others, abuse special privileges, and are arrogant and haughty.

I’ve reached the point that unless the person’s lies are hurting someone, I just ignore them. Maybe that’s just the easy way… How many people do you know who fit this personality? How do you react around them and their lies? I’d love to hear your opinion.