MAKING LIFE EASY on YOURSELF

Whether you want to call it “empowerment” or simply just liking and accepting yourself for the way you are, having confidence in WHO you really are and knowing your strengths and abilities can help you live a more satisfying and less-stressful existence.

 

Understand that…

Number-one, YOU can’t do it all, sometimes you need a bit of help.

And number-two, YOU don’t know EVERYTHING.

Taking charge of yourself and being responsible for living the life you want to live does NOT mean that you become that proverbial island that needs no one else. It does mean that YOU are the “Expert of You”, you are capable of making your own decisions, enjoying your own personal likes, and CAN take care of yourself to the best of your ability; yes, sometimes you are allowed to accept a helping hand. Sometimes it is even okay to allow yourself to be pampered a bit and enjoy having someone do something for you.

 

Start your journey towards self-empowerment by examining you: What are your skills and knowledge? What can you do to learn who to do things you want or need done? And who do you have around that can help guide you through new experiences? Make a list of REASONABLE goals for yourself — and by setting a goal, make a plan, set a schedule, and don’t be afraid to revise your list of goals every few months or so.

 

Being reasonable also means that you are honest in assessing your own abilities. Not everyone has the necessary physical strength to move furniture, or is tall enough to reach that top shelf without a step-stool, and not everyone can drive a car (just a few things…). Maybe you do have a “disability”, but most disabilities should not make you totally dependent on others to do simple tasks. What kinds of workarounds can you come up with to level the playing field? Again, what are things you CAN learn to do? You would be surprised how many wives and husbands have no idea how to even balance a checkbook or be able to contact their financial institution for necessary paperwork.

 

If you are in a relationship, you probably find that you like doing things for each other. My late parents used to tell everyone that my mom treated my dad “like a king”, but also my dad treated my mom “like a queen”. Sharing life and doing things for each other out of love, enjoyment and comfort is pretty darn terrific. BUT, never become so dependent that you turn your partner into a “servant” and you forget how to do things for yourself. Relationships should be reciprocal but never a crutch.

 

Positivity is a major factor in self-empowerment. Be positive about you, acknowledge your strengths and don’t dwell on your limits. Avoid negativity, both your own and the people around you. Voice YOUR thoughts, you don’t need permission to speak up about something you like or want. Don’t be afraid to speak up, throw in choices, make decisions and more. Let go of mistakes and disappointments of the past and find things to look forward to in the near future. Don’t worry about what others think, you are the one who lives with you. Recognize all the things you have to be happy about or at least content. Be assertive. Trust your close relationships.

When you feel good about yourself life really can become easier to deal with.

 

 

 

 

So What Are You Going to Do About It? ~ #MondayBlogs

Negative people can really wreak havoc with your day. Listening to chronic (usually unfounded) complaints, hearing repeated forecasts of doom, and seeing nothing more than constant scowling and growling can take its toll on the people around. I truly believe that the atmosphere is fed by the energy around, and when that energy is negativity and gloom, the temperature is not very comfortable.

Negativity can drain you. A constant barrage of criticism can make you doubt yourself. Why bother to smile when it’s met with derision?

Don’t let someone else’s Bad Day(s) ruin your day. You do have a choice. Depending on the situation it may be easiest to simply walk away and avoid the bad vibes. Join another gym, find another critique group, sit at a different lunchroom table… Sometimes you can’t extricate yourself that easily and you have to find a way to deal with it.

Open your mind to understanding what has caused the other person’s gloom — they may lack confidence, they may have difficulty seeing beyond something truly unfortunate that has happened to them, they may be surrounded by negative people, or they may feel powerless in other areas of their lives and feel the need to exert harsh control. Whatever the reason, it is often a cry for help, or understanding, a need to feel hugged, or even a need to just be left alone.

Your own attitude doesn’t need to be a part of someone else’s schemes. If the negative person around you needs compassion, you can empathize but still realize whatever bad thing happened did NOT happen to you. You can reach out a hand without giving up you own safe perch. You can offer encouragement without demeaning your own abilities. Feeding positive energy into the environment doesn’t mean remaining oblivious to others and their needs; it means finding ways to accept and build on the strengths and needs of all including yourself.

Self-preservation is not just a skill, it is a necessity. Self-preservation does not mean building a figurative wall around yourself. By all means interact with those people, but if you can, avoid topics that you know will set them off (if they are upset about being passed over for a promotion, you don’t need to constantly remind them of the promoted person’s success!); if you can’t avoid the hot topics don’t gloat, keep repeating yourself, or lie. Try to change the environment by including others so that the focus is not just on the two of you. Find ways to give genuine praise. Never tell someone to just get over it.

Sometimes it will take reminders like the morning affirmation in your mirror, but train yourself to be more positive. Learn to look for the good in situations and people. Learn your own can do attitude. Believe in yourself. Learn how to smile. Practice positive responses and ways to offer your ideas. Avoid making insults and accusations. Don’t dwell on the negativity around you.

Feed your own positive energy into the room and it just might be infectious.

Unconditional Love ~ #MondayBlogs

Loving someone unconditionally does NOT mean loving them blindly. You need to really know a person in order to love them, faults and all. And it’s okay to not always LIKE them and still LOVE them.

Parents and offspring have been knocking heads together since Adam and Eve had their sons. Never, ever withhold love from a child. Never make them feel that you won’t love them anymore if they struggle in school. It’s alright to let your child know when you are not happy with his actions, that there are consequences for breaking the rules, but NEVER, ever make him feel that he has lost your love. Don’t crush her spirit, destroy his self-confidence, or make her feel alone. A child should always feel the security of her parent’s love.

There are many ways to love, family love between parents and children or siblings, love between friends, love between lovers or spouses, or even love for pets. Love can fill your heart with warmth and happiness; you care deeply about another living being. Love is not dependency although you can’t imagine a world without the one you love in it. Love is not a chore, although it is worth any work you put into it. Love is not a possession even though you want to claim it for your own.

When you love a person for who he or she really is, then you understand his faults and love him anyway. If you claim to love someone but won’t see who he really is, then you merely “love” a fantasy you created and loving only what you want to see. Love without conditions — without limits is a true love, it is deep and real.

Love is a wonder.

The Ability to Trust ~ #MondayBlogs

Scams, liars, and cheaters… when you’re surrounded by falsehoods and horror stories of “life savings gone in an instant” or the suffering of victims of violent crimes, it’s hard to feel safe.

Even buying a car proves to be a lesson in how many ways can you get taken? When the car being sold shows one thing on the odometer and the Car-Fax substantiates quite a bit more do you believe the salesman when he claims that the wool was pulled over his eyes as well?

What about the store clerk who pockets your money and then claims the amount you gave was far less? Suddenly the simple fender bender you had yesterday, you know the one where the other driver was walking around and laughing after the mishap, has now turned into a personal injury lawsuit and claims of partial paralysis. Identities are stolen and folks wind up with sky-high bills on items they would never have purchased, but it is your credit card number on the receipt, so…

We seem to be surrounded by liars and thieves. Local politicians who serve their greed before they serve their constituents… cheating spouses… backstabbing orchestrated by someone you once trusted… weighted grocery scales in the produce aisle… It is so hard to know who and what to trust these days. It’s the world we live in, if you see something, say something.

When was the last time you lied? What excuse did you tell your boss for not being able to come in the last time you took a sick-day? Even the simple white lie, yes you look terrific in that dress, is enough to destroy someone’s faith in your word. Why not lie, everybody’s doing it? Everyone, no matter the age, vocation or intentions, has to, if they are being honest, admit to uttering some untruth.

We can’t or shouldn’t be so paranoid as to suspect everyone we encounter as a thief trying to steal our hard-earned money, or worse, to be convinced that you can never turn your back because there will always be someone there to cause you harm. Once trust is destroyed, even if you can mend the damages, it never goes back intact. Vigilance and paranoia are so close and yet miles away in productivity and confidence. People become cynics and fail to give chances even when they should be well-deserved.

What a sad, sad world it would be if we totally lost our abilities to trust, to take chances on a new relationship, to feel kindly towards the people who surround us or sometimes even lose the ability to trust ourselves and the decisions we make. It is, in my belief, a minority who use intentional lies or who would do harm and yet how do you tell the difference? Loss of trust can cause up to lose relationships or to choose poorly in making even everyday purchases — it certainly is enough to make us lose restful sleep.

Our previous experiences or passed-down stories should serve as lessons of things to be aware of in the future, but these lessons should never overpower us and our ability to lead normal lives. You may indeed have your heart broken, but if you are not willing to take a chance on a new love, then you may lose out altogether from finding your soul mate. Paranoia may force you to overlook a wonderful new job opportunity simply because you cannot trust the potential promise that’s laid out before you. Think of all the missed possibilities. No great discovery was ever made by someone who wasn’t willing to take a chance, but by someone who trusted that things would work out in the end.

So trust others, yes use caution, but trust that the good in this world will outnumber evils. It’s okay to cast an occasional look over your shoulder, but try walking looking straight forward and seeing all the things before you. Don’t lose the opportunity to enjoy the things you purchase because you are too busy placing these items in a web of deceit. Don’t forget to think and don’t forget to trust.

Wonder if I should trust that distant relative who is promising me a fortune, he contacted me just the other day on the internet?

What is trust?

Some time back I had a conversation with a friend where I remarked that the only person I trust completely is me – I tried to explain that no other person would always choose the things I would and no matter how well-intentioned, a decision might let me down. She was offended though and felt that what I said was insulting, that I should either trust someone or not and that there was no middle road. I still disagree.

What does trust mean to you?

I believe there are levels of trust. I trust my husband of 39-years with my life, literally, but there are times we disagree about relatively minor things like what movies we want to see or what color we want our walls. So yes, I trust him, but do I always “trust” him to choose, say or do the things I would want him to without being there to let him know how I feel?

Then there is the trust of loyalty – a “friend” who means you no harm whatsoever, but when you are confronted by adversity may be scared of facing conflict themselves and won’t take the visible stand of support you’d like. Or sometimes a person will call herself a friend but, like in high school, is not willing to go up against the “popular kids” and will distance herself from you in order to feel good about herself and enjoy her own popularity.

And of course there is the person who cannot and should not be trusted – ever. This is the person who will figuratively stab you in the back for their own gain, who doesn’t care if you are hurt in the process so long as he gets what he wants. Maybe there is the person who WANTS to cause you pain because of some imagined or accidental slight?

Trust has to be earned, not just given blindly. And when you do trust someone and that trust is betrayed it is one of the most painful disappointments.

I’ve been participating in a weekly blog hop called Weekend Writing Warriors (WeWriWa for short) and each participant pastes a short snippet from one of their works. Lately I’ve been featuring snippets from my novel Bartlett’s Rule; in the story Paige has been betrayed by her ex-fiancé the ugliness of which leaves more emotional than physical scars. Finding that you were wrong to trust someone can shake more than just the belief in that person, but can also destroy a person’s self-confidence in the ability to trust at all.

Have you ever been betrayed and brought to your knees questioning how you could have trusted someone in the first place? How did you overcome that? Do you agree that there are levels of trust or is it as black and white as my friend seemed to feel? More importantly, who do YOU trust?