I’m Easy…

I’m very easy to talk to. Like my mom and my sister, people seem to naturally open up about things EVEN IF THEY WEREN’T ASKED!

I remember when I was young and my family went places (like Palisades Amusement Park in NJ – oops, I guess I AM that old!) my dad would take my sister and me on rides while my mom (who was disabled) would take a seat on a bench and wait for our return. Invariably we would come walking back to find a small crowd around my mother and just talking, it was almost like she was holding court, LOL. Others who weren’t interested in going on the rides gravitated to her and simply TALKED, they would always turn to my dad and praise my mom saying that they hadn’t enjoyed conversations like that before.

This seems to be a talent that both of her daughters inherited.

I’ve found on occasion that being easy to talk to is sometimes a blessing and sometimes a curse. Don’t get me wrong, as anyone who knows me can tell you, I do love to talk and I pretty much will talk about anything. Sometimes the folks talking to me also seem to want to talk about anything and sometimes it’s things I really don’t want to hear about! As a reporter interviewing a subject I’ve heard about exploits and secrets and I’ve actually turned to more than one person and asked “Would you prefer I don’t put that in the article?” It seems that most don’t even realize how much they’ve told me.

When friends and acquaintances have approached me because they “need to talk” I’ve been told secrets that they certainly don’t want anyone else to hear; I don’t ask to be told these things and even remind most that some things they should keep to themselves. I’m proud to say I haven’t spilled the beans on anyone yet! I’ve heard tales that would certainly have ramifications and cause a lot of family arguments. While I don’t think any of these secrets could be considered criminal, some have been whoppers and would definitely break families and a few even might cost some a job. Tempting though it may be to include of few of these tales, with names and circumstances changed to protect the “innocent”, I haven’t even included these tales in my fiction writing.

Yes, I like to think people enjoy speaking with me, but there is a drawback. A FEW of these people who have told me their secrets have become embarrassed thinking that they would be “caught” in their lies — as I said, I don’t tell others — but I imagine a few of them do worry, some even become a bit paranoid. And thus the drawback.

Please know, I would only break your confidences if it kept you from harm or harming someone else — otherwise, my lips are sealed.

Seduction

“Seduction is the process of deliberately enticing a person, to engage in a relationship, to lead astray,
as from duty, rectitude, or the like;” (Wikipedia)

Although it’s often been used as a sexual-conquest tool seduction can also apply to so many aspects of our lives. Marketing gimmicks attempt to seduce the consumer, politicians seduce their followers into voting for them, realtors seduce their clients into homes beyond their budgets, and even some job hunters are seduced into taking relocating for jobs that sound a whole lot better on paper than reality. Seduction is a tease, a front of only selected facts which may be far from the whole truth. Seduction is a way to entice someone to do something they might not have if they had the full story in front of them.  

Most sexual seduction is NOT sexy — it’s one partner tempting the other to engage in sex based on promises and conditions that (intentionally) might not be accurate. Seduction is trickery. Please excuse the metaphor, but seduction is something a “snake-oil-salesman” would do. In the instances where seduction is used in a true romantic setting, it is a way of using sensuality to tempt, not lies and half-filled truths. The seduced comes out of the encounter feeling cheated. Sexual seduction has frequently been used in romance novels in very “hot” scenes in order to grab a reader’s imagination and interest. Seduction has also been used in instructional guides telling men AND women the various techniques they could use to “win” their way into bed with a partner. Face it, alluring is sexy, trickery is just a lie.

Television commercials try to seduce the viewer every 8-to-10 minutes: “Come buy this product”; your clothes will be so clean it’s almost as if you didn’t even have to wash them; how about the more blatant sexy female model who shows up to help you decide which soda machine to choose for your cola or the housewife who is bored by her husband’s sloppy loungewear while she eats yogurt and suddenly she is facing a very attractive male actor. The possibilities seem like dream come true, but they really aren’t.

Cynical or not, most politicians will tell their would-be constituents what they want to hear and not necessarily the truth (even if it is just a few unmentioned facts). Folks go off to the polls believing in what they heard only to find in later years exactly how much they were never told and may even regret being led astray from the “other guy” they had planned to vote for. And even that job offer you received that came with a salary at least 25-percent higher than what you earn now is certainly enticing, but what the offer fails to tell you is that the cost of living where you would have to relocate to is a minimum of 38-percent higher than where you are living now.

Be wary of being seduced. Don’t be coerced or shamed into doing anything you might not have considered. Truth is a heck of a lot sexier and certainly more rewarding than deception.

I know what you did... ~ #MondayBlogs

Knowing where all the bodies are buried (figuratively) is a daunting responsibility.

Between the easy availability of personal information and things that have been said and done basically in front of me, I find that I have kept many secrets for others. Just search a person's name on the internet, use a genealogy database, find a person's Facebook profile, and simply listening to most people who might tend to get a bit loose with their tongues, and it's not hard to possess secret background info.

Okay MOST of the info is not criminal or earth-shattering to the many, but most of the secrets would cause extreme embarrassment to its owners.

Ironically many people don't realize how much personal information (even details they want to keep hidden) can be found online, are told at family or school reunions, get worked into conversations and sometimes are hinted at or spilled by themselves — especially if the person has had a few drinks  — and then at some point days, or even years, later the truth comes out. Sometimes an individual has fabricated a complete lie (guilt? ego? shame?) and then gets tangled in the details.

I know secrets that some people have tried their best to keep hidden; maybe I was there when something happened, maybe I heard it from another knowledgeable party, or maybe I accidentally came across it while I researched something unrelated for an article I was assigned... but the fact is, I know.

I've heard war stories from someone who never served, about offspring that had no knowledge of half-siblings, know of marriages that weren't really the first for each but that's what one party was told, criminal histories that didn't get divulged even on job applications, certifications and diplomas that were counterfeit, and more. Sometimes anger at someone who has belittled others or been careless about other people's feelings have led me to IMAGINE spilling the beans, I've managed to resist so far.

When faced with knowledge about someone I try to see who the truth would actually cause pain to and resist the temptation; most times the true victim would be a complete innocent. When faced with with an unpleasant truth and then seeing the liar causing more pain (like the father who claimed to but never served making his son feel less than a man because a physical impairment kept the son out of service), it sometimes is so tempting. Sometimes though, no matter how tempting, I know I would crush belief systems, destroy a child's admiration for a parent, and cause emotional pain to a spouse who considers the mate to be the world.

I may not be willing to expose some of these secrets or lies, but that doesn't mean they will never be found out. Someone else may also know and perhaps that someone will act with malice. Imagine the pain a loved one may feel when, after a death, paperwork is sorted for insurance purposes and such and disturbing details come to light and suddenly the loss of a loved one is compounded by not even being able to ask questions or talk about it. And the day you are found out that embarrassment may be multiplied many times over.

If you have a dark secret make sure that those around you won't get blindsided. Most secrets are often a bit of embarrassment to the owner, but they can be a devastating loss to the loved ones who always believed in you. Take away the power from those who may have learned your secrets unwillingly, or even purposely, and allow your loved ones to really know you.

The Ability to Trust ~ #MondayBlogs

Scams, liars, and cheaters… when you’re surrounded by falsehoods and horror stories of “life savings gone in an instant” or the suffering of victims of violent crimes, it’s hard to feel safe.

Even buying a car proves to be a lesson in how many ways can you get taken? When the car being sold shows one thing on the odometer and the Car-Fax substantiates quite a bit more do you believe the salesman when he claims that the wool was pulled over his eyes as well?

What about the store clerk who pockets your money and then claims the amount you gave was far less? Suddenly the simple fender bender you had yesterday, you know the one where the other driver was walking around and laughing after the mishap, has now turned into a personal injury lawsuit and claims of partial paralysis. Identities are stolen and folks wind up with sky-high bills on items they would never have purchased, but it is your credit card number on the receipt, so…

We seem to be surrounded by liars and thieves. Local politicians who serve their greed before they serve their constituents… cheating spouses… backstabbing orchestrated by someone you once trusted… weighted grocery scales in the produce aisle… It is so hard to know who and what to trust these days. It’s the world we live in, if you see something, say something.

When was the last time you lied? What excuse did you tell your boss for not being able to come in the last time you took a sick-day? Even the simple white lie, yes you look terrific in that dress, is enough to destroy someone’s faith in your word. Why not lie, everybody’s doing it? Everyone, no matter the age, vocation or intentions, has to, if they are being honest, admit to uttering some untruth.

We can’t or shouldn’t be so paranoid as to suspect everyone we encounter as a thief trying to steal our hard-earned money, or worse, to be convinced that you can never turn your back because there will always be someone there to cause you harm. Once trust is destroyed, even if you can mend the damages, it never goes back intact. Vigilance and paranoia are so close and yet miles away in productivity and confidence. People become cynics and fail to give chances even when they should be well-deserved.

What a sad, sad world it would be if we totally lost our abilities to trust, to take chances on a new relationship, to feel kindly towards the people who surround us or sometimes even lose the ability to trust ourselves and the decisions we make. It is, in my belief, a minority who use intentional lies or who would do harm and yet how do you tell the difference? Loss of trust can cause up to lose relationships or to choose poorly in making even everyday purchases — it certainly is enough to make us lose restful sleep.

Our previous experiences or passed-down stories should serve as lessons of things to be aware of in the future, but these lessons should never overpower us and our ability to lead normal lives. You may indeed have your heart broken, but if you are not willing to take a chance on a new love, then you may lose out altogether from finding your soul mate. Paranoia may force you to overlook a wonderful new job opportunity simply because you cannot trust the potential promise that’s laid out before you. Think of all the missed possibilities. No great discovery was ever made by someone who wasn’t willing to take a chance, but by someone who trusted that things would work out in the end.

So trust others, yes use caution, but trust that the good in this world will outnumber evils. It’s okay to cast an occasional look over your shoulder, but try walking looking straight forward and seeing all the things before you. Don’t lose the opportunity to enjoy the things you purchase because you are too busy placing these items in a web of deceit. Don’t forget to think and don’t forget to trust.

Wonder if I should trust that distant relative who is promising me a fortune, he contacted me just the other day on the internet?

Reputation - #MondayBlogs

The Yiddish term for a person who enjoys gossiping about others is Lashon Hora – it doesn’t matter if the gossip is true or false, if it will do harm to the person (humiliation, career, physical, etc.) then it is considered morally wrong. Legal terminology for false defamation of character is slander (spoken) or libel (written).

In our secular world you can get away with talking “trash” so long as you have the facts to back it up, but why would you? Why would a person go out of their way to cause emotional harm, or worse, to another? Perhaps it was anger that made someone expose “secrets” either true or false; what else would they do out of anger? Gossip, trash talk, lashon hora hurts the target just as a fist would, so how can we excuse that behavior when we know how wrong it is?

Perhaps I am being too lenient when I say there MAY be legitimate reasons why a person would utter harmful words just as we can sometimes excuse the person who strikes another in genuine self-defense. Remember though that the legal definition of self-defense includes the key words “the use of reasonable force to protect”. Defending yourself from a vicious verbal assault or an untrue accusation may mean sharing information about someone else even though that might harm their reputation. Again it is the use of a REASONABLE counter attack that might be justified (in my opinion).

We all gossip, even those who are staunchly against all forms of lashon hora, it’s human to say once in a while, “hey did you hear about…”; the difference is the motivation, the intensity and the veracity. There is no excuse for telling falsehoods about innocents. Most of us talk about the people we know and the things we hear as normal chit-chat among friends. Unfortunately too many people are not aware of overheard conversations in public areas and the unintentional damage that can cause. It’s also too easy, like the game of telephone, when that news we share gets translated and twisted, even if accidentally, until it becomes an untruth.

The next time you talk about someone else think of your motivations, the “ears” around you, and certainly think about any potential harm your words may cause – and then think about keeping those words to yourself.

"Sticks and stones may break my bones,
but names will never hurt me"

It just ain’t so!

Pretty Little Liars - #MondayBlogs

It’s all lies — Pretense —Make believe. Why? Why do some people think they need to be someone or something else than who they are? Do they really feel such a lack of confidence in themselves, or is it distaste?

I’ve heard people telling “war stories” repeatedly and the more often they tell them, the more we have cause to question them because of how much they change each time. Sometimes the stories are about war, sometimes they aren’t. These stories could be as innocuous as exaggerating about the price of paint, each time the story was told the cans of paint became more and more expensive; most times these tales can be put up with because they really do no harm. Then there are the times the stories are indeed wanna-be glory-hounds pretending to be war veterans, those annoy me.

I used to know a man who pretended to have served in Viet Nam and told numerous stories about some of the “great battles” he fought… to be honest, he would have been 12-years old for one of these battles! He introduced himself in group situations as a vet, tried to join organizations designed for vets, and lied to his own family about his war service. He was finally confronted by an actual war veteran and the last I heard he is no longer announcing his service in public forums – and it’s obvious he is angry at being denied the chance to boast.

Why would someone continue to promulgate such lies, these are fraudulent and of course if there is any chance of benefits might even be illegal. Does such a person have emotional damage, feelings of insecurity, a desperate need for attention, or even feelings of powerlessness? How are we supposed to react when we know these people who are lying to our faces? How much should we care and how much time should we invest in trying to correct the behavior?

According to Bully OnLine, people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder will often “fraudulently claim to have qualifications or experience or affiliations or associations which they don't have or aren't entitled to. Belief in superiority, inflating their self-esteem to match that of senior or important people with whom they associate or identify, insisting on having the ‘top’ professionals or being affiliated with the ‘best’ institutions, but criticizing the same people who disappoint them are also common features of narcissistic personality disorder.” Narcissists have fragile self-esteem and anger issues, are envious of others, abuse special privileges, and are arrogant and haughty.

I’ve reached the point that unless the person’s lies are hurting someone, I just ignore them. Maybe that’s just the easy way… How many people do you know who fit this personality? How do you react around them and their lies? I’d love to hear your opinion.

Creative Blogger Award

The guilt has finally gotten to me - Lindsay Townsend nominated me for this award last week and I've been putting it off - sigh.
I am supposed to make seven statements - Six true and one false. If you can pick the false statement, then you will be eligible for my prize draw, the winner of which will receive one of my published .pdf ebooks. *If you pick the false statement, then you *LUCKY YOU* will be eligible to be chosen, at random, as the WINNER.

But... I've never been one to keep things simple, so -

I am listing seven of my heroines below and something about each of them. I DO share something in common with six - YOU pick the one that I don't share the item with.

1. Paige Andrews (Bartlett's Rule) - worked in a magazine's publicity department


2. Caitlyn Smythe (His Lucky Charm) - was an art student at a Manhattan NYC school


3. Alli Davis (Within the Law) - collects glass figurines


4. Davie Prescott (Courage of the Heart) - grew up in southern New Jersey


5. Julie Jennings (Final Sin) - volunteered with an ambulance corps


6. Deanna Blair (Hostage Heart) - dated an FBI agent


7. Samantha Chaunce (A Chaunce of Riches) - suffered smoke inhalation

Email me with your guess to ChelleCordero at gmail dot com by midnight (est) Thursday, May 20. (please do NOT post your response in the comments) be sure to include which of my stories you would like to win as a .pdf ebook

Now, I must pass on this honor - I nominate
ALL of my fellow VHP authors