Gimpy

Back at our old home in Rockland County, NY we got to see numerous deer and some other wildlife traipsing through our back yard. While the suburban town wasn’t exactly wide open spaces, we were close enough to a large park system and, let’s face facts, builders put our homes up and encroached on the wildlife homes more than a bit. We lived within (a long) walking distance to a busy roadway so, unfortunately, it wasn’t uncommon to find that a domestic pet that had gotten loose or a wild animal got hit by cars doing highway speeds. It was always heartbreaking.

There were a few trees in our backyard that visiting deer liked to eat from, they would congregate and take turns munching on the leaves. A favorite tree for “snacking” fell (literally) victim to a heavy wind and rain storm and was removed because it was blocking part of my neighbor’s driveway. Quite a few days later I noticed a group of deer feasting on the next tree whose branches didn’t come as close to the ground as the one that had fallen. I also noticed a smaller deer that was noticeably limping and looking longingly at the other deer munching; one of her back legs was twisted and she couldn’t stand on it long enough to reach the leaves she hungered for.

The other deer finished their munching and ran off leaving this poor little girl staring at the ground to see if any of the others had left her leaves. My heart broke for her and I broke a cardinal rule of mine. I never wanted to teach a wild animal to trust or depend on humans because unfortunately that could lead to their being hurt. I was on my second floor deck and I went to my fridge and got an apple, cut it into pieces and tossed them down towards her. She looked up at me cautiously and then sniffed the fruit I had tossed before gobbling it up, her hunger was evident.

I saw her a handful of times after that and occasionally tossed another apple or carrot her way, I never tried to approach her. Maybe it was only my imagination but she seemed to recognize me and I could swear she smiled. As the few weeks went by she seemed to be limping less and less and when she saw me on the deck she even came closer and did a little dance step as if to show me she was healing. Then the day came when she was able to use her back legs enough to reach the leaves from the “deer tree” as I called it and with leaves in her mouth she came back towards the deck and looked up at me and munched. Eventually she had healed enough to begin to run with her pack again and after a while it became difficult to pick her out of the group because she didn’t even limp anymore.

We moved from there a year and a half ago and I often think of the deer I came to affectionately call “Gimpy” – no it wasn’t exactly a politically correct name, but I thought of her with a lot of fondness. I hope that Gimpy is still doing well and I thank her for letting me see the healing process and the gratitude she showed me.

Today we live in a much more countrified and open area. While several homes dot the land there are many species of wildlife that we see in our yards and neighborhood including deer and even coyotes, bears and wild turkeys. I get the impression that the animals have allowed us to live amongst them (no hunting is allowed so they treat it as THEIR sanctuary) and we more or less get along peacefully. I admit, like many of my neighbors, I often toss vegetable and fruit scraps in areas where the deer and squirrels come to munch and while I still do not encourage them to come to me, they will stand a few yards away and watch me (cautiously).

Sometimes while I am sitting on my back deck, much closer to the ground this time, I look up to see a deer at the gate just watching me. Although we are miles away from where we used to live, in my fantasies I sometimes wonder if Gimpy had passed my description along to have her friends check in on me.

Hello Young Lovers ~ #MondayBlogs

When I was still a newlywed, we had a huge problem with a really pesky neighbor and it was very frustrating. Totally at my wits-end I telephoned my father and asked him what to do. We had a discussion, I don’t remember the exact words (it’s been a lot of years) — after hearing me out, my frustration and my crying, Daddy told me that he would always be happy to help me out BUT had I told my husband my feelings? I answered something like “Not really”.

Daddy didn’t renege on his offer to help me IF I STILL WANTED IT AFTER HIS ADVICE. The main thing my father stressed was that I was a married woman, an adult, who was married to a grown man; we were two adults who made a commitment to each other. While your parents would always be your parents and always care about you and do whatever they could to make your life easier, a married woman OR man should always be a team with her/his spouse. In other words, even if I had been the one to call my dad, I should have been speaking for the two of us.

I’m pretty sure that we have all heard the phrase “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh” (Genesis 2:24) or “no one was ever intended to come between a husband and a wife” (Matthew 19:6). [Nowadays this should refer to ALL married couples, not just the husband/wife variety] What do these two phrases mean, what did my dad mean about my discussing things with my husband and we should basically speak as one?

When we marry, both sides of the couple, are making the promise to leave the shelter and dependence of our parents and be able to rely and support each other. We need to turn to our spouses first before running to Mommy and Daddy. Our circle as a married couple means that we are the primary relationship and we each need to see each other as our priority, Being a couple should be the MOST IMPORTANT bond. Dependence and dependability on each other not only fosters trust and respect, it also makes a formidable unit which can withstand opposition.

This primary relationship needs to be recognized by more than just the partners but also by the people around them. Parents need to recognize and respect their child’s spouse and need to understand that they should never, ever attempt to get in between that bond. As parents we want to always be there for our children no matter how old they are, we have a need to want to fix things for them, and of course we only want what is best for them even when what we think is best is not what they want.

The time for raising our children and teaching them responsibility should have been going on through all of their adolescent and teen years. By the time our children reach adulthood and enter into a committed relationship, hopefully we have provided them with enough foundation to actually be able to think and do for themselves. And parents can give themselves a pat on the back when their job has been well done and offspring can actually deal with real life. While we will always want to step in, we MUST respect and trust our adult children and that includes respecting and trusting the person he/she chose as a lifelong partner; you can’t truly respect one unless you respect the other.

Parents who nurture an unhealthy relationship are only damaging many lives: If you don’t raise and allow your offspring to act like grown-ups, one day may come when they have to think for themselves and make decisions and the parents may no longer be around; parents who think they need to control their grown child will cause self-doubt, lack of trust for one another and a dependency that may at some point become too heavy a burden for the aging adult; and parents who are constantly intervening in their son or daughter’s relationship run the risk of seriously damaging the bond and creating not only sadness for their child but also resentment against the parents. In an ideal world grown children and parents can have wonderful relationships and can be there for each other when needed but the respect has to go both ways INCLUDING the in-law child.

My dad passed away shortly after our first wedding anniversary and my mom just a year later – ever since those valuable words my dad said to me during that phone call I've turned to my husband (and he has turned to me) and we have always been there for each other. It’s been more than 40 years and my husband and I are still best friends, confidents, support, and the genuine other half — and I owe it all to the fact that my dad recognized that a married couple, even his daughter and her husband, should be the strongest bond and what hath been “joined together, let no man put asunder”.

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The Ability to Trust ~ #MondayBlogs

Scams, liars, and cheaters… when you’re surrounded by falsehoods and horror stories of “life savings gone in an instant” or the suffering of victims of violent crimes, it’s hard to feel safe.

Even buying a car proves to be a lesson in how many ways can you get taken? When the car being sold shows one thing on the odometer and the Car-Fax substantiates quite a bit more do you believe the salesman when he claims that the wool was pulled over his eyes as well?

What about the store clerk who pockets your money and then claims the amount you gave was far less? Suddenly the simple fender bender you had yesterday, you know the one where the other driver was walking around and laughing after the mishap, has now turned into a personal injury lawsuit and claims of partial paralysis. Identities are stolen and folks wind up with sky-high bills on items they would never have purchased, but it is your credit card number on the receipt, so…

We seem to be surrounded by liars and thieves. Local politicians who serve their greed before they serve their constituents… cheating spouses… backstabbing orchestrated by someone you once trusted… weighted grocery scales in the produce aisle… It is so hard to know who and what to trust these days. It’s the world we live in, if you see something, say something.

When was the last time you lied? What excuse did you tell your boss for not being able to come in the last time you took a sick-day? Even the simple white lie, yes you look terrific in that dress, is enough to destroy someone’s faith in your word. Why not lie, everybody’s doing it? Everyone, no matter the age, vocation or intentions, has to, if they are being honest, admit to uttering some untruth.

We can’t or shouldn’t be so paranoid as to suspect everyone we encounter as a thief trying to steal our hard-earned money, or worse, to be convinced that you can never turn your back because there will always be someone there to cause you harm. Once trust is destroyed, even if you can mend the damages, it never goes back intact. Vigilance and paranoia are so close and yet miles away in productivity and confidence. People become cynics and fail to give chances even when they should be well-deserved.

What a sad, sad world it would be if we totally lost our abilities to trust, to take chances on a new relationship, to feel kindly towards the people who surround us or sometimes even lose the ability to trust ourselves and the decisions we make. It is, in my belief, a minority who use intentional lies or who would do harm and yet how do you tell the difference? Loss of trust can cause up to lose relationships or to choose poorly in making even everyday purchases — it certainly is enough to make us lose restful sleep.

Our previous experiences or passed-down stories should serve as lessons of things to be aware of in the future, but these lessons should never overpower us and our ability to lead normal lives. You may indeed have your heart broken, but if you are not willing to take a chance on a new love, then you may lose out altogether from finding your soul mate. Paranoia may force you to overlook a wonderful new job opportunity simply because you cannot trust the potential promise that’s laid out before you. Think of all the missed possibilities. No great discovery was ever made by someone who wasn’t willing to take a chance, but by someone who trusted that things would work out in the end.

So trust others, yes use caution, but trust that the good in this world will outnumber evils. It’s okay to cast an occasional look over your shoulder, but try walking looking straight forward and seeing all the things before you. Don’t lose the opportunity to enjoy the things you purchase because you are too busy placing these items in a web of deceit. Don’t forget to think and don’t forget to trust.

Wonder if I should trust that distant relative who is promising me a fortune, he contacted me just the other day on the internet?

What is trust?

Some time back I had a conversation with a friend where I remarked that the only person I trust completely is me – I tried to explain that no other person would always choose the things I would and no matter how well-intentioned, a decision might let me down. She was offended though and felt that what I said was insulting, that I should either trust someone or not and that there was no middle road. I still disagree.

What does trust mean to you?

I believe there are levels of trust. I trust my husband of 39-years with my life, literally, but there are times we disagree about relatively minor things like what movies we want to see or what color we want our walls. So yes, I trust him, but do I always “trust” him to choose, say or do the things I would want him to without being there to let him know how I feel?

Then there is the trust of loyalty – a “friend” who means you no harm whatsoever, but when you are confronted by adversity may be scared of facing conflict themselves and won’t take the visible stand of support you’d like. Or sometimes a person will call herself a friend but, like in high school, is not willing to go up against the “popular kids” and will distance herself from you in order to feel good about herself and enjoy her own popularity.

And of course there is the person who cannot and should not be trusted – ever. This is the person who will figuratively stab you in the back for their own gain, who doesn’t care if you are hurt in the process so long as he gets what he wants. Maybe there is the person who WANTS to cause you pain because of some imagined or accidental slight?

Trust has to be earned, not just given blindly. And when you do trust someone and that trust is betrayed it is one of the most painful disappointments.

I’ve been participating in a weekly blog hop called Weekend Writing Warriors (WeWriWa for short) and each participant pastes a short snippet from one of their works. Lately I’ve been featuring snippets from my novel Bartlett’s Rule; in the story Paige has been betrayed by her ex-fiancé the ugliness of which leaves more emotional than physical scars. Finding that you were wrong to trust someone can shake more than just the belief in that person, but can also destroy a person’s self-confidence in the ability to trust at all.

Have you ever been betrayed and brought to your knees questioning how you could have trusted someone in the first place? How did you overcome that? Do you agree that there are levels of trust or is it as black and white as my friend seemed to feel? More importantly, who do YOU trust?

When Love is Not Enough

A common thread in all of my stories is trust. Sometimes there is complete lust, sexy attraction, passionate opportunities – but if the couple has a chance in hell, or heaven, they have to trust each other.

In Bartlett’s Rule Paige’s past makes it difficult for her to trust any man and nearly impossible for her to trust her own judgment. Along comes Lon whose patience and compassion teaches her she can trust. Then when events occur that put Lon in jeopardy, Paige never loses her faith in him even though she’s prevented from showing her support. Brandon deceives Caitlyn in a vain attempt to keep her safe in His Lucky Charm, instead though he almost loses her for good when his duplicity is too much for her to accept.

Adam shares his deepest secret with Davie in Courage of the Heart. While Adam trusts her enough to take the risk he is scared of her reaction, but thrilled when he receives her acceptance. In Final Sin a psychopath targets Jake and Julie when they act on their mutual attraction. Despite the torrid passion between them, they are torn apart when they lose trust in each other, it’s that trust that will, hopefully, save them both.

This theme is prevalent in all of my novels and stories whether is a passionate love affair or a close, platonic friendship –In Not Alone, a short story in the Forever Friends anthology, trust is questioned when a mutual friend dies in a car accident and when trust is regained and strengthened, the friends stand by each other.

Most of my stories involve love, many even include mind-blowing sex, but sometimes even love isn’t enough to make and keep my characters happy and bonded with each other. I believe that trust is the foundation of any worthwhile relationship.

(excerpt from A Chaunce of Riches)

“Where are you going? You’re the one who wanted to... have sex. I just want to see what you wear to bed.” He was talking in a loud whisper so that no one else in the house was disturbed.

“You weren’t drunk when I said I wanted to make love with you.” She tried to pull her hand away again but he wouldn’t let her go.

“I told you I am not drunk.” He sounded annoyed. “And I didn’t come here to have sex with you.”

She relaxed and stopped pulling away from him. “Then why are you here?”

“We need to talk.” He sat down heavily on the side of her bed and leaned back against the headboard. Ben kicked his shoes off and stretched his long legs out in front of him. He was still holding on to her.

She was annoyed that he had frightened her. “What do you want to talk about?”

Ben took her by the shoulders and turned her towards him. He squinted in the dark. Sam felt exposed under his gaze. “Is that a nightgown? How long is it?”

“To my knees.” She still wasn’t convinced of his sobriety.

He released her suddenly. “It’s not very sexy.”

“Well excuse me, I didn’t know I had to dress for company.” She sounded indignant.

“I remember when you used to wear one of my T-shirts to bed. Now that was sexy.” He told himself that her tousled hair and the simple fact that she was lying there in a bed wasn’t turning him on.

“That was a long time ago.” She painfully whispered.

He laughed. Then there was silence.

Finally Sam sighed and relaxed beside him. “What did you want to talk about?”

He looked at her in the dark. “You, me, sex, your husband, who killed him and who is trying to scare you?”

“Is that all one question?”

“Don’t be bitchy.” He sounded exasperated. “Did you love him?”

“Julian? He was a good man.”

Ben snorted. “That doesn’t sound like you loved him.”

“He’s gone.” She sounded sad. “Why do you need to ask?”

He grimaced. “Did you ever love me Sam? I know you said you did. But did you really?”

“Yes.” She still did but she knew he would never believe her.

“Then I don’t understand why you did what you did. If it were just the money... Sam, it’s not like you had a fling with the guy. You married him... you gave him a son. You lived in his world.” His words hung in the air. “And you never thought twice about me.”

He could hear her breathing in the dark. Sam was struggling not to cry.

“I can’t undo the things I did. I am so sorry I hurt you Ben.” Her voice cracked and she had to pause. “I really thought you would have found someone else and would be married by now...”

“I will never again put myself out there. I will never again trust a woman with my heart.”

“But Ben,”

“Don’t sound so surprised. That’s the lesson you taught me Sam.” He shook his head. “I never needed someone as much as I needed you when I woke up in the hospital. You have no idea what I went through.”

“Tell me.” He didn’t know how much she knew. He didn’t know that she was willing to do anything to save his life. He didn’t know that she was willing to sell herself to Julian to pay for his medical care.

“No. It was a long road. If you had cared, you would have been there.”

“So are you saying we’re stuck now? We can’t move on?” Sam turned to him. “Ben, we’re here now, together. We can be together now. Ben, you could have died but you didn’t...”

“We both could have died.” He thought she was talking about the car accident. “And you could have stayed.” He was quiet for a long time. “I wish I could forgive you, but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to.”

http://ChelleCordero.com