Have a good life ~ #MondayBlogs

Pain and grief are personal.

No two people will feel the same pain. For nearly 30-years as a NYS EMT I always asked my patients, as we were all trained to do, "on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the worst pain you ever felt, how bad is your pain?"

The real truth is that one person's "6" may be another person's "10" while someone's "8" barely gets a "2" elsewhere. It doesn't matter, it's all PAIN. As 1st responders we needed to know how the patient was managing the pain, was it getting worse or was it (hopefully) getting better?

It's the same with emotional pain, how we deal with it is individual. Two widows after losing their mates of many years will react differently and neither way is wrong or right. The same goes for other personal tragedies and losses, we all have to find our own ways to cope.

For some people the return to "normal" life takes longer than others, and for some the return never seems to happen. Is it wrong for a young mother to still cry years after a miscarriage, even when she has other children? Or for a man in his 50's to be angry after being hustled out of a long time job he's held for years? 

Human reactions are just that... human - and they are personal.

Somewhere down the line though we do need to regain some living potential again no matter how deep the wounds are. We need to allow ourselves the chance to heal even if it means we never lose our scars. Yes, there are people around us that need us to LIVE again, but we owe it to ourselves not to waste away.

A good friend of mine likes to say "Just put one foot in front of the other..." Healing is a process and no one expects you to ignore the wound or the scars it leaves. But if you let bitterness consume you or never stop crying, think of how much you will continue to lose.

It is so much harder than just these words, but somehow you have to find a way of focusing on what you still have whether they are memories or other loved ones. Whatever is in your past has made you who you are today and who you are is important, don't throw it away.

When I feel down and mourn loved ones no longer here (physically) I remind myself of the 5 of Cups Tarot Card and realize that I need to focus on the positives in my life. 

When my paternal grandfather died and I saw my dad crying I swore to him that I never wanted to grow up because growing up meant people got old and died. After laughing and calling me Peter Pan, he told me that yes, people do die but he was very glad to have grown up, met my mom and had my sister and me. He made me see that life is always giving us new things and we should never ignore the new joys. Years later I miss my parents very much, but I take such joy in my own husband and children. Daddy was right, I would never want to miss out on the life I have now.

I've been told that I have a Pollyanna outlook on life and that I am always looking for the bright side. In reality, I just want to live.

"I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me
and 90% of how I react to it."
~ Charles R. Swindoll 

The Five of Cups is a Tarot card that signifies difficulty, loss, and the challenges of dealing with that loss. The figure in the card wears a black cloak in which he hides his face in apparent despair. At his feet are five cups, three of which have fallen and spilled onto the ground and the other two behind his back remain standing. He does not seem to notice these upstanding cups because he is so focused on the fallen cups instead. Ahead of him a powerful river flows between himself and a castle or home in the distance. To his right is a bridge that can lead him to the security of the house across the river. Despite the fact that this card has a strong indication of loss and tribulation, there is a positive aspect that must be considered. Is your cup half full or half empty?

Life Happens ~ #MondayBlogs

At some point in everyone’s life there is at least one something stressful… and if it is only one you are indeed the exception. Money, health, sex, news reports, children, family illness or worse death, incessant weather conditions, household maintenance, traffic accidents, career, and on-and-on. Stress producers seem to assail us at every opportunity which is ot to say that we have only negative things happening, there is also joy, satisfaction, feel good days, hugs and the feeling of accomplishment. It is a genuine crisis whenever something literally upsets the apple-cart, but it is how we cope and move on that makes us different.

Unhealthy coping mechanisms make some people turn food, alcohol, drugs or reckless behavior. The temporary fix we can achieve by getting high may be very effective in allowing us to take our minds off of what ails us and may even allow us the time to catch our breath and get a different perspective, one that is easier to live with — in the end though many of these unhealthy coping mechanisms leave us with added complications. The stress finds a way to repeat, even if slightly different and the more frayed our nerves are, the more we toss and turn rather than sleep, the more we eat until we feel bloated, the less we feel capable of dealing with the stress and the faster we succumb. Stress can cause body aches and illness, it can destroy relationships, it can distract us while driving, confuse us when we try to work and embarrass us when we can’t control our tears. Stress can raise our blood pressure making us more susceptible to heart attacks and strokes. Simply put, stress STINKS.

We can’t eliminate stress from our lives. How can we find ways to control the damage stress can cause? And how can we cope and move on relatively normally when it seems arrows are being shot at us from every angle?

Begin every day with a personal pep talk in the bathroom mirror telling yourself how capable you are, how good you look, how much you can accomplish and that you like yourself. If you find yourself getting angry or feeling like you want to cry, get in the habit of “stopping” by counting to ten or reciting a favorite jingle. Spend some “me-time” every day doing something that is pleasurable and healthy like taking a walk, putting music on and dancing in your living room, doing arts and crafts, singing in the shower, writing short stories, but do something for a few minutes every day that is just for you. Daily meditation will help calm your nerves, focus on important things and learn to ignore annoyances; sit in a quiet, comfortable corner and breathe slowly and deeply; close your eyes and imagine a peaceful setting (like water gently lapping at the sands of beach).

Focus on the positive things around you, think about the things you still have even after a loss, and try to see that even unexpected changes in your life (such as losing a job) can lead to better things. Eat healthy foods that your body can actually utilize, foods that are high in nutrients, proteins and have healthy levels of carbs and fats will help keep your body’s chemistry more even. Get enough rest, you will feel better able to face things when you feel refreshed. Pamper yourself a bit, even simple everyday grooming will help to lift your spirits. Daily exercise will activate healthy endomorphins in your body; endomorphins affect the central nervous system and help to ease the body’s perception of pain and fatigue. Don’t naturally assume that the worst will happen, while it may be a real possibility, there is always the chance that a medical test, for example, may uncover a condition that can be treated and cured — my mother used to say “Don’t borrow trouble.”

Remember, don’t take life too seriously…
no one ever gets out alive.

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