Tearing Others Down

Remember all those movies where the “popular girls” ostracized the one they considered to be an “oddball” — maybe the ostracized girl had the audacity to show up in hand-me down clothes or spoke out in defense of another cast-out student. Sometimes these weren’t just movie themes, sometimes they were painful realities that we may have had happen to ourselves, or sadly, maybe we were the ones who feared being ostracized and went along with the crowd even though we knew it hurt.

 

In many ways this is how today’s “Cancel Culture” works. People, ideologies, books, movies and companies are cast out based on an OPINION and often not actually tried and convicted. In a July 2020 article in Psychology Today, Cancel Culture is explained, “Canceling begins with a real or perceived transgression by the canceled entity that the canceler observes or is made aware of and deems to be serious. The transgression can be about anything such as the violation of a strongly held political value or a social justice value that the canceler deems to be significant... Social canceling is not based on a balanced assessment of the transgression or any absolute criterion of wrongdoing. Because it's a visceral response and relies on one particular shared understanding of the transgression, one side of the story so to speak, every canceling campaign is necessarily grounded in bias.”

 

And therein lies the danger, it may be one person’s supposed act, an assumed intent, an otherwise innocent lapse of judgement that sparks the canceling or ostracizing. There is no judge and jury to decide, there is no chance of defense, and often there is no chance of redemption. And what might offend one or some really seems to have no effect on others.

 

We need to exercise sensitivity and respect towards others. We need to educate ourselves about the social mores of different groups and understand how some traditions may be purely innocent in their intent. We need to respect everyone’s right to an opinion and to a large extent their right to free speech — of course we also need to be aware that IF we find our actions are offensive then we need to change them. And if we are offended by someone’s unintentional offense, it is our obligation to say something in a non-combative way at which time we should be able to expect their consideration in the future.

 

There are certainly actions which are known to be wrong, which will hurt others and if we flagrantly ignore those hurts, then of course we are in the wrong. But if someone makes an otherwise innocent mistake, let’s not become the stereotyped “popular kids” and cast out others without regard for their feelings.

 

 

 

Holiday Festivities

I was extremely fortunate to grow up with extended inter-faith family. While we celebrated the Jewish holidays in our home, we often had the chance to enjoy helping relatives and friends decorate their Christmas trees, hunt for Easter eggs and sometimes, yes, attend Christmas Eve mass. Our family and friends joined us for latkes and playing dreidels, matzah brei and long Seders, walking to shul and standing in the back with me for High Holy Day services. And the wonderful thing was, everything involved family, love, and the history of our ancestors.

Again, I live in a Jewish home and the inter-faith family connections have continued to multiply. It’s a beautiful thing to be able to celebrate your own identity and share in the joys of others as well. A lot of it has to do with mutual respect, love of a Divine presence, and sharing our cultural traditions. We had family and friends of various faiths attend our children’s Bris, naming, and B’nai Mitzvahs just as we’ve attended Christenings, Communions and Hindu Namakaran ceremonies. It just seems as if the love is multiplied in so many different ways and sometimes also languages. There are so many similarities — for instance the winter season has celebrations such as Christmas, Hanukkah, Diwali and Kwanzaa, each one is a “Festival of Lights” in its own unique way.

Growing up I did know a few people who frowned upon the inter-faith exposure, but it never hurt me. I never strayed from the religious beliefs my parents raised me with, but I did grow to respect, accept, and enjoy all my loved ones’ customs. And despite the fear some folks may have about losing their young to other cultures, it actually became a stronger tie to my own beginnings. I love who I am and I identify with my roots and I encourage others to hold on to their beliefs as well. There are those, in today’s world, who feel that religion causes wars and hate, but it shouldn’t. Parents should raise their children to recognize that every HUMAN BEING has a right to their own way of worship and to enjoy their religious festivities.  

During Hanukkah we celebrate the story of the Maccabees and how they led the fight for religious freedoms. We should all feel free to observe and celebrate our faith, to worship (or not) the way we want to. Every person has the right to find comfort and peace in their beliefs. I am aware there are fanatics in every faith but too many of them are using and perverting the concepts of their religions for their own gains, and that is not love of their fellow human beings. We have to learn tolerance and acceptance and reject the tirades of the prejudiced and close-minded. We have to teach our children that every human being deserves acceptance and deserves to be loved.

I wish you all the joys of the season. 

May you all know happiness, peace and family love.

Merry Christmas Happy Hanukkah Joyous Kwanzaa

Measuring Success ~ #MondayBlogs

How do you measure a person's success?

Some folks measure success based on money and material possessions, how high their salary is and how expensive the car that they drive is. Other's measure success by a person's title, are they THE BOSS, have they risen through the ranks of a corporate ladder, do they have multiple degrees...

While there is no denying that money and what it can buy is nice, and it certainly is impressive to see diplomas from highly ranked schools adoring an office wall - I think success has a lot to do with RESPECT.

I've seen people who have caught the eye of large philanthropic organizations for their beneficent accomplishments and for all of the GOOD that they have put into this world. I've seen parents whose offspring adore them and use them as role models. I've seen spouses who stand by their mates even when things seem hard because they believe in one another. I've seen people who wake in the morning and look forward to contributing to their world. And I've seen people who actually like themselves.

...and the funny thing is that money and education isn't unique among these people, they are a mixture of financial standings and not all of their "smarts" come from the classroom.

Truly successful people are not locked into someone else's idea of success, they don't try to "fit in" by having houses better than their neighbors, or cars that shine, or wear labels on their clothing. Successful people may have to count their pennies, they may wear store-rack clothing, they may have gone to trade school instead of college, or they may even get their hands dirty while they work. But they are respected by their peers, by their family and by themselves.

They know how to be happy.

There is certainly nothing wrong with "having it all", but success is not a dollar figure or a designer label. And something else about truly successful people, they don't look down their noses at others.

How do you measure success?

Faith ~ #MondayBlogs

What is faith? Is it our religious belief or is it having the confidence that our fellow man will work in the best interests of humanity? Believing in something, someone, or ourselves is a basic human need. Belief is faith.

It seems that we are living in a world filled with hatred and fear, one in which man allegedly uses the name of a religion as a reason to destroy and spread hate. There are those who hide behind supposed commandments of their god(s) to spread ruin and there are those who hate others simply because of the deity they pray to. Some people believe in a supreme deity but do not agree with the tenets of organized religion (agnostic); some do not believe in any higher presence (atheist). A growing faction is yelling that religion is THE problem why men cannot get along with other men.

We can have faith in humankind without praying to a god by any name. Or we can follow the true teachings of our chosen religions – every religion is founded on common principles that include: loving thy neighbor; forgiveness; treating others the way we want to be treated; giving charity; honoring our parents and elders; being truthful; showing kindness; and living peacefully among our fellow man. While the phrases and wordings may differ, each religion shares commonalities with the others; some religions are monotheistic and some pray to multiple gods.

Every religion has members whose interpretation of its teachings are zealous and self-serving, most often those fanatics are in the minority although they may be loud. People who choose to practice a religion should do so because they believe in the spirit of their scriptures rather than simply following step-by-step rituals with no meaning behind our actions.

Rather than focusing on the differences in our religions practices or alienating those who call themselves agnostic or atheist, our need to believe in something makes us more alike than different. Wouldn’t it be a wonderful thing if we could embrace that sameness and work towards fostering an atmosphere of peace and unity instead of viewing others with suspicion and hatred?

As a child of a Ham Radio Operator in the 60s and 70s I remember going to group get-togethers. One of the places that held an annual picnic was a Monastery located several miles north of where we lived. The monks that lived there and hosted the event were all very friendly, intelligent, welcoming and knowledgeable. I was amazed one day during a discussion with one of these men to find he was very proficient in Hebrew scripture and my own faith of Judaism. In adolescent surprise I asked him how come he knew so much when his religion taught otherwise. His answer was so simple — to truly understand your own beliefs you need to understand what belief means to people. Every monk, he told me, was schooled in all forms of theology and was required to be proficient in multiple religions.

Perhaps this type of education is needed for all of us so that we can love and appreciate our own convictions as well as understand and respect other belief systems. Somehow we must work towards unity and love of the entire human race or there will be no world and humanity for our future generations. Mankind is our own enemy when we allow hatred in our lives.

...

A Matter of Respect ~ #MondayBlogs

The New York City Police Department had to bury two of their own who were ambushed and killed while innocently eating their lunch while seated in their parked patrol car. The perpetrator claimed, in anti-police rants posted on social media, that he was going to kill police officers as retribution for recent fatalities of alleged police brutality.

Despite personal sentiments regarding the lack of convictions in two separate cases (Michael Brown in Missouri and Eric Garner in New York), public opinion overwhelmingly condemned the actions of Ismaaiyl Brinsley who committed suicide after ambushing NYPD Officers Rafael Ramos and Wenjian Liu on December 20. There has been a growing memorial at the site of the ambush in memory of the fallen officers both of whom had exemplary records and no involvement in any police brutality charges. Hundreds of law enforcement officers from all over the nation came to New York City to pay respects at the memorial and attend the funerals.

The NYPD had earlier expressed discontent with the New York City Mayor Bill DiBlasio after his remarks about protests over the Grand Jury decisions on the Brown and Garner cases. Their claim was that he did not support the police officers and questioned his apparent friendship with vocal critics of law enforcement. At the hospital on December 20 NYPD Patrolmen's Benevolent Association president Patrick Lynch said "blood on the hands starts on the steps of City Hall." When the mayor showed up at the hospital the line of police officers turned their backs on him in protest.

DiBlasio asked New Yorkers to postpone protests over the court rulings until after the executed officers were buried in order to focus on the grieving families. Many residents complied; however several also ignored and added cries of dissent. Ironically some of the more vocal objections and criticisms about the mayor’s plea for understanding came from the Reverend Al Sharpton and The Answer Coalition who labeled the request as an "outrageous attempt to chill free speech. DiBlasio’s assumed friendship with Sharpton is one of the NYPD gripes about City Hall’s lack of police department support. Fox News reported one protester as stating "We will not let recent tragic moments derail this movement. This is the revolution and we will not be repressed."

On December 27 when Mayor DiBlasio showed up to honor and pay respect at Officer Ramos’ funeral, hundreds of uniformed police officers turned their backs to him in a show of disrespect for his policies. Police Commissioner William Bratton chastised the officers’ action for taking place at the funeral and asked them not to display the same disrespect for the mayor at Liu’s funeral reminding them that the funerals were a time for “grieving, not grievance.” On Sunday, January 4, although there were a few officers who desisted, uniformed officers once again turned their backs on the mayor citing his perceived lack of respect for the department.

It’s obvious that the various factions involved in all the acts leading to these multiple deaths need to find some common ground, they need to find a way to smooth relations and move forward with mutual respect and positive growth. Yes I have my beliefs about the incidents and responding events as most people do – but it doesn’t matter if we agree or not. Continued violence, mass destruction, and the failure to show compassion and sympathy for mourners is contradictory to the best interests of communities, civil servants, families and human relations.

I think that funerals should be a time when parents, spouses, children, siblings and others should be allowed to grieve without protest. No matter what your opinions might be, and we are all entitled, anytime someone loses a loved family member the pain is immense and they are entitled to our compassion and understanding. Any life lost is a blow to humanity.

Saluting our veterans

Thank you