Highs and Lows

 

Many times in life we can have both moments of happiness and moments that bring us tears. It isn't an easy choice which moment to focus on, but if you find yourself always ignoring your joys and dwelling on your sorrows then you never experience happiness.

 

Everybody has disappointments, losses and worries in their life — but also we find reasons to smile and feel content. Never forget the happiness you’ve shared with someone even on the day that they are no longer be with you, embrace your memories to find strength and hope. In Judaism it is common to offer condolences with the words “May his/her memory forever be a blessing”; these words are meant to help the survivors live their lives remembering not only the happiness they shared, but also encouraging them to live the kind of life the lost loved one would want “you” to have. By focusing on the good times and appreciating the principles taught, you find strength to go on and make your life worth so much.

 

It isn’t only death where we need to focus on GOOD THINGS, it’s every morning you rise to enjoy the sunlight on your face, every evening you find the softness of a pillow to comfort you as you sleep; appreciate every meal as if it were a banquet while it assuages any hunger pains; don’t envy your neighbor for their shiny new car in the driveway when you can sleep in and maybe work from home instead of navigating a traffic jam on your way to work; and enjoy the cuddles of a pussycat instead of bemoaning your temporary loneliness. I learned painstakingly to never say “this is the worst it could be” instead of focusing on the things I did have, don’t make that mistake.

 

It is alright to wish for more, but don’t ignore the things you do have already. Never turn your back on the good things that come your way, don’t be envious of what someone else has and instead acknowledge all the things you do have. And here’s a little thing I’ll let you in on, there is always somebody out there who is envious of the things YOU have. Unfortunately, it seems to be human nature to not only be VERY aware of the negative things around us, but to dwell on them as well. Shiny and ritzy are not necessarily signs of success, money has never guaranteed happiness. Look around you and chances are that you will see good things, things to make you smile, things to comfort, and things that bring you satisfaction and happiness.

 

While you are appreciating your own “good things”, try taking the time to give a stranger a smile, to let a service worker know you appreciate their efforts, to hug your loved ones, and even cuddle with your fur-babies… you just might make someone else’s day. Spread the joy. There’s a reason the word SMILE has a “mile” in it, it goes a long way.

 

Who will remember me?

I went to a shiva call the other night (shiva: In Judaism, the first period of structured mourning. Throughout the shiva period, mourners come together in the mourner’s home to offer their condolences and support.) Although it might sound odd to those who are not familiar with the custom, this shiva was truly what one should hope for.

Yes, everyone offered their condolences and concern for the bereaved, but then the house was filled with smiles, chuckles, and remembered stories to share. The table and counters were laden with trays of cookies, cakes, fruits and hot foods — all brought by visitors or sent by friends to help “take care” of the grieving family.

The house was full, so much so that there was barely a place to sit, with friends who knew the deceased (some from early childhood), knew the mourning family, and distant relatives. The woman had been a teacher and former students and her fellow teachers came, neighbors stopped in, members of her social club. There were a lot of people filled with love.

Seeing how this woman touched so many lives and how many people loved her makes someone wonder at their own mortality and how she will be remembered when her time comes. Of course I know my immediate family will be there and most probably some cousins and even a neighbor or two… but will the funeral chapel be filled and will my loved ones’ home be filled with people who remember me and who will help to ease the grief?

I’ve been haunted by a funeral I once attended. She was, in my heart, a wonderful person, but she had survived all of her blood family and many long-time friends. There was a storm the day of the funeral and while she had been active in her local community, she had pre-made her arrangements in a funeral home that necessitated public transportation for her neighbors to attend. Between those that weren’t left to mourn her passing, the horrible weather, and the distance from her small circle of friends, there were only five of us (plus the officiant) in the chapel. Six people to send her on her way. Six.

When it is my time, will there be a houseful of people to remember me, or only a mere handful to send me off? Which one will I be? I hope that people will laugh and smile, I hope that I will be remembered fondly, and I hope there will be warm hearts to surround my loved ones and help them to move on.

He has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often, and loved much;

Who has gained the respect of intelligent men and the love of little children;

Who has filled his niche and accomplished his task;

Who has left the world better than he found it;

Who has looked for the best in others and given the best he had;

Whose life was an inspiration;

Whose memory is a benediction.

~ Robert Louis Stevenson

Daily Prompt ~ Triumph ~ #MondayBlogs

I found a terrific writing site (thanks to my friend Sugana) — The Daily Post: Daily Prompts provides a NEW daily prompt every day to give every writer a way to put a spark in her/his creativity. I decided to join this group every so often...

Today's Prompt is TRIUMPH

The definition of Triumph: [noun] a great victory or achievement; [verb] achieve a victory; be successful

It’s a hard thing for many of us to acknowledge our successes, our triumphs. So many of us lack the ability to see ourselves as successful and worthy. One of the professions that is often known for wearing our self-doubts is that of a writer. …yours truly is a writer, a novelist and journalist.

When I find myself in a funk and I need encouragement I can nudge people close to me and wrangle compliments from their lips to feed my fragile ego, but then I feel bad that I’ve gone “fishing”. Something else I do, especially late at night when it just wouldn’t be right to telephone someone just for a little ego soothing, is make a list of any and all things I’ve done that I am proud about. Maybe I am just being kind to myself but I often come up with a lengthy list (and no I am not posting it, bragging is not something I am comfortable with).

Now I don’t know if others would agree with the things I feel some success about — I know for a fact that not everyone holds the same values that I do. Surely I would fall flat if someone only looks at a stunning figure or the grand dame of the manor; I really don’t care though because those values don’t impress me. I guess there is a bit of conceit in that I do not do the things I do to impress others, I do something because I feel it is the right thing to do and hopefully benefits those around me.

I see value in family relationships and the respect that a parent gets from his/her children. I see value in a long term marriage. I see value when someone gets up and keeps on going even after being struck down by some misfortune. And most of all I see value when someone has touched other lives to make them, even a little bit, better.

On my list I do have references to my marriage, my children and my writing. While I rarely get satisfaction from extolling my own virtues, I do very much enjoy a bit of bragging about my husband and my children, people that I truly admire and respect. 

My husband has always been determined, never takes the easy way if it isn’t the right way, he has always worked hard whether it’s a job or a personal quest, and he has always put his family first. My offspring have grown into remarkable human beings, both give of themselves to others, they are intelligent and capable.

Collectively as first responders and educators my husband and children have saved lives, comforted those in need, put out fires, and given others the means to do the same. And it always seems whatever these people decide to tackle, they have a can do attitude that always comes through. More than anything each one of them CARES. I can only hope that they take at least a little pride in me, it would truly be only a portion of what I feel for them.

Not every accomplishment is earth shattering, few will be considered newsworthy. But each accomplishment is our own whether we wish to brag or stay quiet

What are you proud of today?

,

Legacy ~ #MondayBlogs

Whenever we have a spate of celebrity deaths or are personally touched by loss we frequently begin to think of our own mortality. Death is inevitable for everyone, it doesn’t matter if you are rich or poor, nice or mean, or man or woman… nobody gets out alive. What kind of legacy do you want to leave behind you when the time comes in the hopefully distant future? What do you want to be remembered for?

In Judaism it is believed that there are ways to avoid a “second death” by remembering someone, doing good deeds in that person’s name, and always being inspired by the deceased to make us want to live better and more thoughtful lives. How do we assure that we will be remembered? How can we be the kind of person who could inspire goodness in others?

Think of the things you would WANT to be remembered for; think of the things you believe you WOULD be remembered for. Compare those two lists — which do you want more? Do you think you would be remembered for the hours you spent away from your family making more money than you truly needed? Would you be remembered for the fancy car you drove? Or would you be remembered for your generosity and compassion for those around you?

When I am no longer physically on this earth I hope that people would remember that they felt comfortable talking to me because they could trust me; I would want to be remembered for the time I gave to family and friends; I want folks to remember that I was passionate about living beings and their welfare; and I would want to be remembered for my laughter and my tears when others needed it most. I want my friends and family to know that I accepted that I was a mere human trying my best to be decent and thoughtful. When I die I would hope that people would celebrate the life I lived and would remember at least some happiness they had for knowing me.

Live your life well, make the “dash” between the dates on your headstone mean something. Enjoy the hugs you share with loved ones, the laughter you hear from children playing, the sounds and smells of nature all around you, and the joy you feel when you’ve made someone smile. Be the kind of person you would admire and know the difference between false vanity and the true “success” of respect. Do your job well, not just for the reward of money, but because the way you do your job makes this a better world for someone. Hold your lover’s hand, not because you expect something in return, but because you just want to be there with him/her.

Live a wonderful life full of joy and happiness.

...

Do It Well ~ #MondayBlogs

Madonna and Stevie Wonder performed Purple Rain and paid tribute to Prince at the Billboard Music Award Ceremony; it was honest admiration for all that he stood for. Whether you enjoyed or approved of his music, there is no denying that Prince was an exceptional and well-acclaimed artist during his too-short life. With multiple Grammy Awards, a Golden Globe Award, an Academy Award and induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 2004, he was an accomplished and significant artist who rightfully earned the respect of many. He is and will be remembered for a long, long time.

We should all strive to do things at our best, to take pride in our endeavors, and to do well whether we receive accolades or not in our lifetime. If we live our lives fully and enrich the lives of those around us then in a way we are paying tribute to ourselves out of self-respect. We are each capable of greatness if we believe in ourselves. In reality we shouldn’t be competing with others, we should always be looking for a personal best. Each time we believe we have reached the pinnacle of our performance we need to push ourselves just a bit further. Success is not one accomplishment and stagnating, it is growing on that success to make it even richer and better.

What do you want to accomplish in your life? Your goals do not need to be a singer and musician like Prince, you don’t need to be Stephen King or J.K. Rowling, you don’t even need to be the world’s greatest athlete, or a renowned politician… you only need to pursue and do the best you can at whatever your dream is. Believe in yourself. Believe in every inspirational adage and cliché you’ve ever heard — keep your eye on the ball; if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again; dance like nobody is watching; excellence is not an act, but a habit; and more. Keep reaching, keep striving, and never settle.

You are allowed to “always want a little more” when wanting more will keep you always trying to improve. Satisfaction and contentment isn’t earned by knowing you’ve reached the top, but by knowing you keep getting better and better. Believe in yourself. Believe that you can do whatever you set your mind to do. Know that you have succeeded each time you get half a step further on your journey than you did the time before.

Be positive, not just for yourself, for the people around you as well. Positivity just seems to grow and everyone can benefit. Contribute yourself daily to making the world a happier and better place. Do your life well and know that your “tributes” will come, people will respect you — it doesn’t matter if it is name performers on a stage or the everyday people who have surrounded you in your lifetime, you will be remembered and that is the greatest tribute anyone could ever receive. 

...

Measuring Success ~ #MondayBlogs

How do you measure a person's success?

Some folks measure success based on money and material possessions, how high their salary is and how expensive the car that they drive is. Other's measure success by a person's title, are they THE BOSS, have they risen through the ranks of a corporate ladder, do they have multiple degrees...

While there is no denying that money and what it can buy is nice, and it certainly is impressive to see diplomas from highly ranked schools adoring an office wall - I think success has a lot to do with RESPECT.

I've seen people who have caught the eye of large philanthropic organizations for their beneficent accomplishments and for all of the GOOD that they have put into this world. I've seen parents whose offspring adore them and use them as role models. I've seen spouses who stand by their mates even when things seem hard because they believe in one another. I've seen people who wake in the morning and look forward to contributing to their world. And I've seen people who actually like themselves.

...and the funny thing is that money and education isn't unique among these people, they are a mixture of financial standings and not all of their "smarts" come from the classroom.

Truly successful people are not locked into someone else's idea of success, they don't try to "fit in" by having houses better than their neighbors, or cars that shine, or wear labels on their clothing. Successful people may have to count their pennies, they may wear store-rack clothing, they may have gone to trade school instead of college, or they may even get their hands dirty while they work. But they are respected by their peers, by their family and by themselves.

They know how to be happy.

There is certainly nothing wrong with "having it all", but success is not a dollar figure or a designer label. And something else about truly successful people, they don't look down their noses at others.

How do you measure success?

Fear of Being Left Behind ~ #MondayBlogs

I woke up this morning with the strangest of dreams; without going into the complete detail, I wound up not being at a workplace for a couple of days (I believe for an illness?) and wound up being replaced my position done away with. While the dream had nothing based in reality, it still shook me up.

Like many of us there are times when I worry that I may have taken too much on and might be unable to complete everything I need to, worry that 24-hours a day isn’t enough time to do everything I choose to do, worry that maybe I can’t do the job that is expected of me, or just worry that maybe I am just easy to be replaced.

We would all like to feel that we can make an impact in this world and that we would be missed if we were suddenly gone. The reality is that for most of us, in terms of our skills and the impersonal jobs we do, most of us are replaceable. But it is family and friendships that truly make us unique, it’s how we cuddle our children and comfort them, it’s how we tell our partners that we love them, and it’s even how we pet our four legged fur-babies that truly makes us US.

Many people can and do go to schools to learn how to handle most tasks like keeping financial books, cook, build electronics, take blood pressures and more. So many of us add our own touches to jobs like teaching, designing, counseling, research, or writing. And there are some jobs such as first responders (EMS, FD, PD, etc) where split second decisions can make the difference between just doing our job and being heroes. And it should make us feel good when we do our jobs well.

Basically what I am trying to say is that too many of us get tangled up with trying to be the best and most needed at our jobs and prove our value by the amount of money we earn or the titles we wear; truthfully we need to concentrate on the kind of people we are, how we treat others and even how we treat ourselves. Our value lies not in some corner office or a paycheck, but in how we are seen in the eyes of the people who depend on us, our children, our spouses, our families.

If you lose a JOB or get passed over for a promotion life isn’t over; yes there may be challenges, but the important things in your life are the people around you. Pay attention to the people who are waiting for you at home, the family that you’ve grown up with, the friends you’ve had for years, the pets that get excited to see you walk in the door at day’s end. You won’t get left behind when you can share love and life and laughter.

Don’t let yourself get so tied up in knots over a job when there are more important things in life. Focus on what is important to your happiness not just today but in your tomorrows. Success is much more than a dollar figure, living a life well and making others happy is more important. Your job and paycheck may be necessary, and there is nothing wrong with ambition, but never let it become the only thing you live for. Don’t let the superficial things make you feel left behind, lost or worthless.

Don’t get so busy
making a living that
you forget to make a life.
 — Dolly Parton

The Armchair Psychologist: Avoiding Success

            Writers like to people watch and we tend o read into someone’s actions and words just because that is the way our imagination works. While I did take a college level psych class for one term, I am not pretending to be a professional.

            Why is it human tendency to procrastinate? So often we put off the things we should be doing for tomorrow, or the next day. Hey, it took me at least three days between my getting an idea for this post and my actually putting it on paper. We allow ourselves to get distracted or busy with other things we think need to be done.

            Are we really being lazy or suffering from some level of A.D.D.? Or are we somehow afraid that if we try we won’t succeed – if we don’t try then our excuse is we just didn’t have the time. It’s a little like playing the lottery, “you have to be in it to win it”. Of course when we play and don’t win we grumble about wasting our money.

“He is able who thinks he is able.” ~Buddha

            We have to learn to focus on the positive even when the outcome is not what we were wishing for. What did we learn from what we did? Next time we try can we utilize those lessons and perhaps work towards getting closer to our goal? What was the real cost of trying? Maybe the cost wasn't nearly as much as the potential of success.

            Success is not a measure of wealth, fame, title or possessions. Success is the satisfaction and confidence we feel about ourselves, it is the respect we receive from the people who mean the most to us. Success comes from believing on ourselves. Many of the characters I write about in my books are “successful”.

            Even though he comes from money, that isn’t what makes Brandon Price (His lucky Charm) a success. It’s his determination to make it in spite of the lack of relationship he has with his father. Brandon built and runs his own business in computer design, programming and robotics. He has a skill and reputation for the work he does which makes him a hot commodity to the government. Brandon does make a nice amount of money, but he is still a down to earth kind of guy and looks forward to taking care of the woman he loves, Caitlyn Smythe.

            Not all of my characters have complete confidence. Ben Johnson (A Chaunce of Riches) is a capable private investigator, but he is intimidated by Samantha Chaunce’s wealth and worries that he doesn’t have anything to “give her” in their relationship. He almost gives up trying.

            Whether it’s past disappointments, lack of confidence in ourselves, or some limited measure of success, we tend to fear trying. We procrastinate, We make excuses. We let distractions help us avoid doing the things we need to do. Later instead of feeling content with our achievements, we live with regrets because just maybe we might have succeeded.

            What have you been putting off lately? What do you think you could do to help reach your goal? Let’s discuss it here.

A Chaunce of Riches 

Ben Johnson was hired as a bodyguard for a rich widow and her kid, but he never expected to be working for the woman who had abandoned him just when he had needed her the most. Damn it all, he still wanted her. Samantha Chaunce never thought she would have to explain why she married the rich man instead of Ben. Or that her husband had been murdered...and Ben was the prime suspect.

People have been asking...

I have been receiving a lot of questions about my novel, Bartlett's Rule. so I chose a few of these questions and I am posting them here - with my answers of course!

1.) Q: Tell us how your interest in writing developed. How and when did you decide to write your first book?
A: I have always enjoyed telling stories ever since I was a kid. I loved watching people and thinking “what if”. I would often embellish real life occurrences and put them to paper, I found real life to be exciting as it was. One day I decided to see how long I could make a story, how many words I could put together and still make it cohesive. That story, never published and now totally out of date, was called “More Than a Friend” and it was a 65-thousand word love story.

2.) Q: Who are the inspirations for your heroes and heroines in your novels?
A: Every hero that I write about is basically my concept of who and what a man should be in every unique situation - then I try to throw in a few traits from my hubby just because I think that's appealing - I try to visualize the hero as I create him (usually some hot, sexy actor), and none of my heroes are perfect men, that just wouldn't be real.

3.) Q: What “hot sexy actor” would play your hero in Bartlett’s Rule? How about your heroine?
A: Lon Bartlett would be played by David Conrad (the hunky paramedic husband in Ghost Whisperer). Paige Andrews would be either Liv Tyler or Neve Campbell.

4.) Q: What were the challenges (research, literary, psychological, and logistical) in bringing Bartlett’s Rule to life? Did writing this book “change” you?
A: The trauma of rape changes a person, it is something that can certainly be “lived with” but it can never be undone. I needed to make Paige a real person, a real “Survivor” because she did survive this horrendous act. At the same time, what happened to Paige left extremely deep scars. Rape victims often suffer triggers and have major trust issues. The people that love them become secondary victims as they have to also cope with the after-effects of rape. A secondary has to at times be much more patient than usual, but they are also human beings and sometimes understanding strains them. As a writer, I did my best to “get into the minds” of both Paige and Lon, and even into the mind of the rapist – you can’t not be changed after that.

5.) Q: Tell us about your other writing? What subjects do you write about for newspapers and magazines? Do you find it easier to write short articles or novels?
A: I have rarely done hard-news reporting, the closest I have come to that is covering things like school board meetings and reporting on what went on. Most of my writing is very close to advertorial, business coverage with a positive slant. We (I sometimes get to team up with my photographer husband) will often cover grand opening or other special retail events, or I interview prominent people in a field or business. I have a monthly column in a NY trade paper for emergency service issues where I will research new protocols, legislation or opinions and advice about running an emergency agency. When it comes to fiction, I definitely prefer the novel length writing because it gives me time to get into the characters.

6.) Q: How did it feel the very first time you ever saw your name in print as a byline?
A: It was a little bit scary and a whole lot of proud. I was about 18 or 19 and I wrote two articles on the same event. A young man was killed defending a stranger during a mugging in a NYC subway. A community organization I volunteered with was sponsoring a posthumous awards ceremony and I was asked to put together an article for a local weekly on the event. I also wrote one for my college newspaper. Both pieces were published. While I was certainly proud to see my byline, I also panicked because of all those people who were relying on my words to tell them the facts.

7.) Q: What recommendations can you make for those who are trying to break into the field?
A: Never give up. Understand that not everybody is going to like your writing and you will almost always receive many, many rejections before you find someone who is willing to take a chance on you. Read a lot and make sure you read different kinds of writing, study the different styles, and write. Ignore destructive comments and really listen to constructive criticism. You have to develop a thick skin because you will encounter folks who think an insult is always acceptable. Never run away from your dream, keep writing.

8.) Q: What does it mean to be successful? According to your definition, how successful have you been so far? Where do you see yourself five years from now?
A: I think that having who you are and what you do be recognized and respected is a big part of being successful. Too many people try to put a price tag on success when in reality it has nothing to do with money. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to have a bestselling book (at least 10-thousand copies!) and a whole lot of royalties, but being known as a writer and knowing that people are willing to take time out of their lives to read my words is absolutely wonderful. Since I really love writing, I think I will continue to write something, anything, for the rest of my life.

9.) Q: What is going on with your writing these days? What is your target audience? What can readers expect when they read your work?
A: I have another romance novel coming out this July, Forgotten. So I am very excited about this second book, as a matter of fact, a preview of Forgotten is in the back of Bartlett’s Rule. Romance novels are typically “womens' books”, but I like to think I put in enough story line to make it interesting for all readers. Readers can expect to meet characters that are fully dimensional, that have both bad and good qualities, and real life events that the characters have to deal with.

10) Q: Can you tell us where to find more information on you? Website? Blog? Is there a place where readers can reach you?
A: Everyone can always check my author site right here, http://chellecordero.blogspot.com/ for the latest news about any of my fiction writing. My online portfolio with clickable links to some of my published (non-fiction) articles can be found at http://www.geocities.com/bylines333/res_chelle.html. I also blog frequently on MySpace, http://blog.myspace.com/Rikki613. My readers are welcome to contact me via email anytime, just write to chellecordero@gmail.com.