I’m Easy…

I’m very easy to talk to. Like my mom and my sister, people seem to naturally open up about things EVEN IF THEY WEREN’T ASKED!

I remember when I was young and my family went places (like Palisades Amusement Park in NJ – oops, I guess I AM that old!) my dad would take my sister and me on rides while my mom (who was disabled) would take a seat on a bench and wait for our return. Invariably we would come walking back to find a small crowd around my mother and just talking, it was almost like she was holding court, LOL. Others who weren’t interested in going on the rides gravitated to her and simply TALKED, they would always turn to my dad and praise my mom saying that they hadn’t enjoyed conversations like that before.

This seems to be a talent that both of her daughters inherited.

I’ve found on occasion that being easy to talk to is sometimes a blessing and sometimes a curse. Don’t get me wrong, as anyone who knows me can tell you, I do love to talk and I pretty much will talk about anything. Sometimes the folks talking to me also seem to want to talk about anything and sometimes it’s things I really don’t want to hear about! As a reporter interviewing a subject I’ve heard about exploits and secrets and I’ve actually turned to more than one person and asked “Would you prefer I don’t put that in the article?” It seems that most don’t even realize how much they’ve told me.

When friends and acquaintances have approached me because they “need to talk” I’ve been told secrets that they certainly don’t want anyone else to hear; I don’t ask to be told these things and even remind most that some things they should keep to themselves. I’m proud to say I haven’t spilled the beans on anyone yet! I’ve heard tales that would certainly have ramifications and cause a lot of family arguments. While I don’t think any of these secrets could be considered criminal, some have been whoppers and would definitely break families and a few even might cost some a job. Tempting though it may be to include of few of these tales, with names and circumstances changed to protect the “innocent”, I haven’t even included these tales in my fiction writing.

Yes, I like to think people enjoy speaking with me, but there is a drawback. A FEW of these people who have told me their secrets have become embarrassed thinking that they would be “caught” in their lies — as I said, I don’t tell others — but I imagine a few of them do worry, some even become a bit paranoid. And thus the drawback.

Please know, I would only break your confidences if it kept you from harm or harming someone else — otherwise, my lips are sealed.

I know what you did... ~ #MondayBlogs

Knowing where all the bodies are buried (figuratively) is a daunting responsibility.

Between the easy availability of personal information and things that have been said and done basically in front of me, I find that I have kept many secrets for others. Just search a person's name on the internet, use a genealogy database, find a person's Facebook profile, and simply listening to most people who might tend to get a bit loose with their tongues, and it's not hard to possess secret background info.

Okay MOST of the info is not criminal or earth-shattering to the many, but most of the secrets would cause extreme embarrassment to its owners.

Ironically many people don't realize how much personal information (even details they want to keep hidden) can be found online, are told at family or school reunions, get worked into conversations and sometimes are hinted at or spilled by themselves — especially if the person has had a few drinks  — and then at some point days, or even years, later the truth comes out. Sometimes an individual has fabricated a complete lie (guilt? ego? shame?) and then gets tangled in the details.

I know secrets that some people have tried their best to keep hidden; maybe I was there when something happened, maybe I heard it from another knowledgeable party, or maybe I accidentally came across it while I researched something unrelated for an article I was assigned... but the fact is, I know.

I've heard war stories from someone who never served, about offspring that had no knowledge of half-siblings, know of marriages that weren't really the first for each but that's what one party was told, criminal histories that didn't get divulged even on job applications, certifications and diplomas that were counterfeit, and more. Sometimes anger at someone who has belittled others or been careless about other people's feelings have led me to IMAGINE spilling the beans, I've managed to resist so far.

When faced with knowledge about someone I try to see who the truth would actually cause pain to and resist the temptation; most times the true victim would be a complete innocent. When faced with with an unpleasant truth and then seeing the liar causing more pain (like the father who claimed to but never served making his son feel less than a man because a physical impairment kept the son out of service), it sometimes is so tempting. Sometimes though, no matter how tempting, I know I would crush belief systems, destroy a child's admiration for a parent, and cause emotional pain to a spouse who considers the mate to be the world.

I may not be willing to expose some of these secrets or lies, but that doesn't mean they will never be found out. Someone else may also know and perhaps that someone will act with malice. Imagine the pain a loved one may feel when, after a death, paperwork is sorted for insurance purposes and such and disturbing details come to light and suddenly the loss of a loved one is compounded by not even being able to ask questions or talk about it. And the day you are found out that embarrassment may be multiplied many times over.

If you have a dark secret make sure that those around you won't get blindsided. Most secrets are often a bit of embarrassment to the owner, but they can be a devastating loss to the loved ones who always believed in you. Take away the power from those who may have learned your secrets unwillingly, or even purposely, and allow your loved ones to really know you.

Skeletons in the Closet

     I just had a really good chuckle reading a quote from George Bernard Shaw,

"If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance."

This particular phrase has a funny, special memory for me...

Just weeks before my wedding, my then fiance and I were in my bedroom in my parents' Bronx apartment - he was sitting on my bed while I was packing clothing and getting ready to move into OUR new home, a one bedroom and overpriced apartment in the Hudson Valley.

Mark thought he was being cute when he said, with a straight face, "Well I guess I should have asked before, but we're getting married soon so I can't put it off any longer. Do you have any skeletons in the closet I should know about?"

I looked at him and then at my CLOSED wardrobe door (actually two sliding doors), he couldn't understand my surprised expression. Before he could reassure me that he was only joking, I slid one of the wardrobe doors open - and there, hanging carefully on the closet rod, was a life size cardboard Halloween skeleton! He almost fell off of my bed.

What Mark didn't know was that my parents always allowed me to set up the entry hallway for Halloween. I had rigged this skeleton to come rushing towards the door when I opened it - it always elicited excited shrieks from the little trick-or-treaters. LOL, I never expected to shock my future husband!

We all have some kind of skeleton in our closet - everyone has something to be embarrassed about, some have regrets, and a few have outright horror at the thought of discovery. It's the same for each of my characters - take Tom Hughes from Within the Law for instance...

Tom is easily my favorite hero from any of my books because he is soooo human. He is endearing, a truly good guy, but he is certainly not an angel! Tom has things in his past that he would prefer not having to admit to, things that get broadcast in a packed courtroom when he shows up to TRY to put his high school girlfriend's murderer away. And he has a temper, oy such a temper, that he manages MOST TIMES to control, but loses it during a face-to-face with the lowlife who took the girl away from him.

Tom is not the only one of my characters to have something to hide: Brandon Price in His Lucky Charm wants to hide his privileged upbringing and estranged relationship with his father; in A Chaunce of Riches Samantha Chaunce has to hide the reason she left Ben and married Julian; Adam Sherman in Courage of the Heart is ashamed of his past and worries that he is going to lose Davie once she finds out about it; and in Karma Visited Annie Furman needs to keep her unique gift hidden for fear of ridicule and worse.

Do you have a skeleton in your closet?

Please don't post any true confessions, lol, but think about it; what secret do you have in your past that you would really rather be kept as a buried secret? Was your secret ever exposed and if so how did you cope with it - with a head held high or a face redder than cherries?

And if you really, really need to share, please feel free to comment below.