AND LOOK WHAT GROWS

During the Gregorian month of January, begins the Hebrew month of Shevat, the 11th month of the Hebrew year. Shevat this year begins the evening of January 13, 2022. The 15^th day of Shevat is known as Tu B'Shevat, the Holiday (or New Year) of Trees.

 

The tree’s primary components are: the roots, which anchor it to the ground and supply it with water and other nutrients; the trunk, branches and leaves which comprise its body; and the fruit, which contains the seeds by which the tree reproduces itself.

The spiritual life of man also includes roots, a body, and fruit. The roots represent faith, our source of nurture and perseverance. The trunk, branches and leaves are the body of our spiritual lives—our intellectual, emotional and practical achievements. The fruit is our power of spiritual procreation—the power to influence others, to plant a seed in a fellow human being and see it sprout, grow and bear fruit.
(Chabad.org)

 

When Mark and I moved to our new home a few years ago, we took joy in the amount of land our home was sitting on (much bigger than our previous home). I started to take every seed I could from our fruits and vegetables and planted these around the property… I planted apple, orange, cherry, avocado, and pear pits and seeds. We got a few pine tree saplings and planted those as well. And I even replanted some acorns that had sprouted roots. I have no idea if or how long any of these will grow, but I imagine that one day someone will wake on our piece of property and face a literal forest.

 

In a discussion today about Shevat and Tu B'Shevat, I thought of the adventurous optimism that comes from planting seeds, both literal and symbolic. We plant seeds in good faith that SOMETHING will grow, maybe it will be something we expected… and then maybe not. After all, who knows if the avocado and cherry seeds will somehow grow together? And considering that I left no marking of where I buried these seeds, there could well be a surprise as to what result is achieved. There is excitement and hope that we will see the "fruit" of our labors, and I am sure there will be laughter and joy at whatever happens to sprout.

 

Isn't it so appropriate that we can compare the trees to humans? In life we stake out our personal territory, we "put our roots down", and we spread our ideas and ideals hoping that someone will be convinced and continue spreading these beliefs. We hope to stand tall and be noticeable, to protect our loved ones with our shade, to nurture our families with our fruits, and to drop our seeds to let others grow. And even if we fall or get chopped down, we hope that our form can warm and comfort others.

 

In the meanwhile, I'll keep walking our property looking for signs of growth and am both excited and hopeful at whatever may come to be.

 

 

 

 

Genealogy

I’ve talked about my genealogy research many times, but I was remembering back to, I think it was 2008, when a distant cousin on my mom’s side began an intensive search to find as many relatives as possible. To my awe, and annoyance, one of my first cousins made it very clear that she was vehemently opposed to this family tree being built and had no interest in it — her pronouncement of “I’ve got too much family already” shocked many of us. What an insult that was!

Several of us were perturbed and felt that she was too self-centered (and indeed through the years she lived up to that hype). But I have often wondered HOW could you have too much family? I am very aware of a traumatic time period where my husband and I lost all four parents within a four-and-a-half year period. I guess when you have family and loved ones, you are vulnerable to that aching pain when you lose someone. Maybe avoiding that pain is worth it, to some, by not allowing yourself to grow attached to someone else; but then look at all of the joy you are missing out on.

 Since that first distant cousin whet my appetite for learning all about my roots, my lineage, and my legacy, I’ve actually gotten to meet (sometimes only in the virtual sense) many, many relatives. I’ve learned things about my family that I hadn’t even thought of before and now, since so many of the older generation are gone, I am having to dig up more of this info on my own. I’ve learned that my paternal grandmother (my dad’s bio mom) was one of at least nine children and I have gotten to meet a couple of her great-great nieces and nephews, or better known as my third-cousins. I had no idea anyone of that side of the family even existed. I’ve actually made good friends with some of the people who share my bloodlines. I’ve become friends with distant cousins on my mom’s side as well.

And yes, it is true that you open yourself up to more heartaches when you care about more people, but the times you can speak with them and share, and find out how many similarities you actually have, it fills your heart with joy and wonder. It’s unfortunate, but I know that I probably will never get to actually meet some of these people face-to-face, but luckily our internet capabilities do allow us to “see” each other and talk in real-time. Being surrounded by family is just so warming. I think the biggest problem I have is not being able to spend time chatting with each, there just isn’t enough time.

And of course my long-term friends and more immediate family members are not lost just because I’ve reached out through the vast web of relations. By the way I saw a meme on Facebook today that said simply “If you’ve been friends for more than seven years, you may as well be family”. Indeed some friendships (non-blood) have lasted longer and have been closer than some people in the family you are born into. Whether there is actual blood between us or not though I could never close myself off to the people that surround me, virtually or in close proximity.

No, you never can have too much family.

Heritage

“I mean, they say you die twice.
One time when you stop breathing and a second time,
 a bit later on,
when somebody says your name for the last time.”
― Banksy

The older I grow, the more important it seems to me to know about my heritage, the generations that came and went before me. While it is important to me to know, it is more important that I leave a record of our past for the future generations. Maybe it is a way of not letting go of those loved ones I’ve already lost. Maybe passing on the stories of our heritage will keep my memory alive after I am gone.

I recently had a DNA test done and have actually been able to connect with a few more distant cousins (we really don’t use numbers, a cousin is a cousin). I’ve enjoyed hearing stories of the different branches of the family. Actually a little more than ten years ago a cousin came to my sister and me and said he was trying to put together a detailed family tree ~ he actually managed to track down a huge number of relatives even without these DNA kits so many are using today.

I’ve also been using a site that features old and varied newspapers and, wow, my own Mom had quite a social life in her hometown; I wish she was still around to talk with me about it. Using the internet and the many search sites (yes, some ARE free) has helped me find connections and learn stories of my family’s past. I learned that a number of my “great-aunts and great-uncles” never escaped the horrors of concentration camps and I am so sorry that many of their lives were cut so short that they didn’t get much chance to leave a legacy. I found out about a paternal great-aunt I never knew existed and am still trying to learn more about her.

In my quest to learn more about relatives and discussions with new-found cousins, I’ve come to believe very strongly in the “six degrees of separation” and have listened to stories about folks who were close friends of distant cousins, or even had connections to folks I already knew. I’ve learned about business ventures and accomplishments with my own family, and most importantly I’ve been able to share in the joys, and sometimes sorrows, that life brings. It is absolutely fantastic to share as family.

For now I have many of my notes and records in a computer file but I have hopes of actually printing a master book of all my ancestral and current family tree. The hardest part will be keeping the different branches separate, but separate only on paper. And I will include information about myself and my husband as well as our offspring and their spouses. And maybe one day a young child will be able to ask about me and I will kind of live on through these recorded stories.

 

Legacy ~ #MondayBlogs

Whenever we have a spate of celebrity deaths or are personally touched by loss we frequently begin to think of our own mortality. Death is inevitable for everyone, it doesn’t matter if you are rich or poor, nice or mean, or man or woman… nobody gets out alive. What kind of legacy do you want to leave behind you when the time comes in the hopefully distant future? What do you want to be remembered for?

In Judaism it is believed that there are ways to avoid a “second death” by remembering someone, doing good deeds in that person’s name, and always being inspired by the deceased to make us want to live better and more thoughtful lives. How do we assure that we will be remembered? How can we be the kind of person who could inspire goodness in others?

Think of the things you would WANT to be remembered for; think of the things you believe you WOULD be remembered for. Compare those two lists — which do you want more? Do you think you would be remembered for the hours you spent away from your family making more money than you truly needed? Would you be remembered for the fancy car you drove? Or would you be remembered for your generosity and compassion for those around you?

When I am no longer physically on this earth I hope that people would remember that they felt comfortable talking to me because they could trust me; I would want to be remembered for the time I gave to family and friends; I want folks to remember that I was passionate about living beings and their welfare; and I would want to be remembered for my laughter and my tears when others needed it most. I want my friends and family to know that I accepted that I was a mere human trying my best to be decent and thoughtful. When I die I would hope that people would celebrate the life I lived and would remember at least some happiness they had for knowing me.

Live your life well, make the “dash” between the dates on your headstone mean something. Enjoy the hugs you share with loved ones, the laughter you hear from children playing, the sounds and smells of nature all around you, and the joy you feel when you’ve made someone smile. Be the kind of person you would admire and know the difference between false vanity and the true “success” of respect. Do your job well, not just for the reward of money, but because the way you do your job makes this a better world for someone. Hold your lover’s hand, not because you expect something in return, but because you just want to be there with him/her.

Live a wonderful life full of joy and happiness.

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What will they remember? - #MondayBlogs

So, when your eulogy is being read,
with your life’s actions to rehash…
would you be proud of the things they say
about how you spent YOUR dash?

(poem by Linda Ellis)

When my time comes to move on from this world I often wonder if my absence will be felt. Oh I know my immediate family will miss me – it’s fairly obvious that when you are a part of someone’s daily life your absence will be noticed and quite possibly mourned. But how will I be remembered by my neighbors, the community, people that I have had contact with for work through the years… will I be remembered for the times I volunteered in different organizations, or for the works I’ve written as a writer?

Will I be remembered at all? After I’ve been lowered into the ground will anyone even think of me; will anyone feel grateful that they ever knew me; will I have made a difference in anyone’s life? A personal fear that I have always had (sssh, I’m telling you this in confidence…) is that after I am gone, I will have just taken up space on this planet and that this world will be no better or worse for my having been here.

Like most of us I dabble now and then on social media sites and I’ve enjoyed indulging my need for nostalgia by being a part of groups like school alumni or neighborhood crowds from my childhood. I am always amazed and pleasantly surprised when I’m remembered by someone from my past that I lost touch with long ago. Somehow I must have been more than just body taking up space and I am encouraged.

Some people are encouraging the idea of “Living Eulogies”, speeches others would say about a life while the person is still around (on this earth) to hear. Sometimes referred to as “The Dash” these speeches talk about the things that dash represents, everything that went on between the birth date and the date of death. What contributions did the subject make to the world around him? How did she impact the lives of the people she knew. A Living Eulogy can be a tribute for an elderly family member, a way of showing appreciation at a milestone event, or even for some who wants a preview of what will be said eventually.

Would I want to hear my eulogy while I could sit there and critique it? Would the eulogy be truly something that would be said at my funeral with just the good stuff — or would it be honest and spoken by folks who truly know me and would I really want to hear the truth? My mother always said not to speak ill of the dead; I can’t help but think of the joke where a Rabbi was delivering a eulogy for a man and his widow turned to her son and asked him to check to make sure it really was his father in the casket.

Hopefully when my time comes there will be good things to be said by people who will even remember my name.

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